Digger

 Mr. Burns, a Post-Electric Play uses The Simpsons episode Cape Feare to show us how stories evolve over time, particularly in a post-apocalyptic world. Boots Riley (I Love Boosters) recently announced that he’s bringing it to the screen. Meanwhile, you can catch its closest thematic cousin, Alejandro G. Innaritu’s Digger, in theatres now.

Or, not. I've seen the numbers ...

Digger Rockwell (Tom Cruise) is the biggest oil man around. A methane leak at his Greenland field eventually causes a huge iceberg to break off. Unless somebody does something, the iceberg will slam into Norway and flood Europe with the resulting tidal waves. Digger, the ailing President Compson (John Goodman) and their advisors get to work futzing around. They consider some solutions, like blowing it up or praying on it melting, but they don’t work.

What I just described were scenes from Fossil Fools, a stage play that dramatizes Digger and co.’s incompetence. As the show rehearses its 25th anniversary performance, Curtis Markson, who’s playing Digger, has a lot on his mind. He argues with Hannah (Sophie Wilde), the director, over their interpretation of Digger. His daughter, Hope (Flora Higgins), has seemingly disappeared into a commonplace super hurricane. And did I mention the state of the world? The show must go on, somehow.

(And now you know why I brought up Mr. Burns.)

There’s no denying that Cruise goes all out as Digger Rockwell. He’s got a silly accent, some bombastic speeches and bouts of over-acting. Thank goodness Fossil Fools gives his performance context; otherwise, it’s just there. I didn’t hate him, as others have, but I wasn’t laughing like crazy. The only time I kind of pitied him was when he spreads the ashes of his cat, Maggie, across the sea. Curtis Markson, on the other hand, is a much more compelling character with everything he’s facing. His story, at least, ends with something resembling hope (ha ha).

Did I find anything funny? The first thing I found funny was Dr. Nirav Ganesh (Riz Ahmed), Diggers’ top scientist, being drunk. Granted, he’s drowning his sorrows over the impending doomsday, but Ahmed’s clearly having fun here. Ganesh, as an aside, is the one who advocated hoping for the ice to melt, but he’s also one of the few truly likable characters in Fossil Fools. Goodman’s President Compson is a bombastic idiot, but even he gets points for shutting up his obnoxious Reverend (Stephen Wight). It also leads to the optimistic revelation that the famed “nuclear football” is a series of codes that some people have to, but might not want to, read.

Who else do we have in the cast? There’s Kenny (Jesse Plemmons), Digger’s nephew and the producer of Fossil Fools, who’s interesting in his moral ambiguities. His mother, Emma (Sandra Huller), is just there in Fossil Fools to yell at Digger. His assistant, Lina (Emma D’Arcy), gets even less to do. Danny Kirrane, whose Clarkson tries to warn Digger about the ice, makes the most of his limited screentime. Gen. Fitzgerald (Robert John Burke), Compson’s Military Chief of Staff, is practically Dr. Strangelove’s Buck Turgidson, but not as amusing. Compson’s Vice President Eddie (Michael Stuhlbarg) is just fine, I guess.

I’m a lot more positive on its technical style, though. Emmanuel Lubezki’s desaturated cinematography is just as appealing as the usual Wes Anderson film. He also provides some interesting oners, including the final shot, as well as some magnificent skies. Richard Johnson & Dennis Gassner’s gigantic production design, for both real and play worlds, is simply splendorous. A few choice locales include Digger’s mansion, the European parliament, and the actual theater itself. Amongst the in-universe visual effects, the most interesting is the mammoth rear projection system. The animatronic Maggie, ambient sounds and score by Cosmo Sheldrake, are all unsettling by design. They do their job too good at times.

Yes, I spoiled Digger’s big metafictional twist, but it shows up relatively early on. As I said before, it gives a lot of context to its 129-minutes of craziness. Some may see it as a self-important satire of satires, but there’s a good point about the power of escapism in there, too. As bleak as it is, it’s a bit more optimistic and tolerable than Don’t Look Up. You'll have a lot to think about if you check out this odd movie. As for me, I still have several more reviews to go this month. I've said enough about this one.

Primetime

Next week, the highly anticipated documentary You Can See Everything will make its theatrical debut. In the meantime, you can catch its co-director, Lance Oppenheim’s, narrative film debut Primetime. Here’s the scoop:

Chris Hansen (Robert Pattinson) is the host of Dateline NBC’s most popular segment, To Catch a Predator. Hansen, with the help of Xavier Von Erck (Matthew Maher) and his organization, Perverted-Justice, lures would-be offenders for an interview and their eventual arrest. They employ actors, such as Del Harvey (Phoebe Bridgers) and newcomer Dan Plum (Skyler Gisondo), to help lure them in.

The segment is so popular that Jeff Zucker (himself) moves it to primetime. Hansen decides to maximize his audience with a high-profile “white whale.” He and his team zero in on Murphy, Texas, where it seems they’ve found an offender of influence. The local police give them their support for what should be a watershed television moment…

…Luke Dittrich’s Equire article, which Ajon Singh adapted for the screenplay, gives us the result: Tonight on Dateline This Man Will Die.

Needless to say, this is a tough sit, which isn’t helped by cinematographer David Bolen’s work. He magnifies Hansen’s steel-eyed screen persona and erratic off-screen behavior with his analog-styled visuals and extreme close-ups. Hansen towers over many an offender, but is broken when one of them, a rabbi (Bob Ari), refuses to take it sitting. He starts cracking earlier when the National Enquirer snoops around his private life. Pattinson’s bits of overacting might have you wonder whether to laugh or squirm. But you’ll feel it when he quietly breaks down in the finale.

Casting directors Francine Maisler & Molly Rose, who both worked on Sinners, have assembled some shocking talent. Chances are that you won’t recognize Tony Revolori as the first offender; or Jonathan Lipnicki as the first offender Dan helps bust; or Anna Faris as Hansen’s wife Mary Joan. Creed Bratton, who played the same-named character on The Office, is creepy in his cameo as fan Jim Christian. Bill Heck’s short screen-time as Stone Phillips leaves a huge impression. And then, there’s the biggest casting surprise: Alex Winter, as the “white whale,” assistant district attorney Bill Conradt. This is the kind of ensemble the Casting Oscar was made to recognize, even by proxy.

While Hansen is at the film’s center, it equally revolves around “Decoy” Dan. He takes up the show to try to get his SAG card and gets more than he bargained for the second he walks on the set. His first segment is advertised with a comedic voice-over that’s just appalling in context (let’s just say you’ll want Hansen to show up immediately). Gisondo has a few great scenes; the first has him take up a moping Hansen’s job for one sting, while the other has him try to talk down Conradt.

Amongst the cast, we also have Merrit Wever as Hansen’s producer, Andie Bender, who almost considers leaving him for What Would You Do? She’s just as ambitious as Hansen but is more level-headed about it. Bokeem Woodbine, as Police Chief Cortland Gunn, provides another case of overacting when he discovers Conradt’s identity. And finally, there’s Eric Rahill, whose Troy provides some welcome comic relief.

What else can we talk about? You’ll almost feel bad for the offenders, from how they cower in Chris’s presence to the excessive police presence used on them (the offender that Dan interviews gets tased, despite being in crutches). Conradt is easily the most sympathetic of them, since he recognizes his moral shortcomings. Less sympathetic is a masked man who haunts Hansen’s nightmares; do you really want me to tell you the context? On the technical side, we have some exquisite work by editor Daniel Garber and composer Ari Balouzin. I’ve said enough.

This isn't a film for everyone. If you do decide to take a seat for Primetime, you'll be in for an unnerving yet captivating experience. If not, then perhaps I can interest you in a more appealing movie or two later this month. And believe me, this month is going to be packed. Onwards to the next review, I guess.

Forgotten Island

It’s almost October, so it’s time for one last review. It’s time I tell you about Forgotten Island before I forget about it.

In the Philippines, sometime in the 1990s, Jo Yuson and Raissa Molina meet when the former’s family history project goes awry. They instantly become besties and spend the next few years building matching friendship bracelets and listening to Jo’s Grandma, “Lola” Fatima’s (Dolly de Leon) stories of the mysterious island of Nakali. Fatima, Jo’s only local relative, dies by the time she (H.E.R.) and Raissa (Liza Soberano) graduate High School. But at least her bestie isn’t going anywhere ...

Except to CalTech. Which is not in the Philippines.

As they party away their last night together, Jo & Raissa find a sand dollar that takes them to Nakali. Once they realize where they are, it’s already been twelve hours, and things have already gotten strange. Raissa’s flight is imminent, and the sand dollar is missing. Fortunately, Raww the weredog (Dave Franco) agrees to be their island guide. He takes them around the island to meet, or rather, re-meet, such mythical characters as Batiba the Batibat (Jenny Slate), who collects memories; Bungi the Tiyanak (Manny Jacinto); Mermahn the Kataw (Kevin Mccann); and Datu of the Kapre (Jo Koy). 

And then, there’s Manananggal, Jo’s favorite creature in all of Filipino mythology. Manang (Lea Salonga), as she goes by, is a vampiric creature who splits into two. She’s constantly furious, which isn’t helped by Raissa stealing her sentient wings for herself. She doesn’t plan to let our heroines escape alive. Their friendship is also tested once they learn what really happened last night. I think that’s it.

Joel Crawford, who previously did Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, direct and wrote it with his friend, Januel Mercado (who was a co-director in the other film; there’s a difference between that and director). Crawford’s kids also pop up in the cast - Kailey is young Jo, while Zoe & Riley are her nemesis, Reynaldo, through the years. I should also note that Kayla Teruel is young Raissa. Anyway, what can you expect from this film?

For starters, you can expect one hyperactive movie. Barely any minute goes by without some visual craziness, even before Jo & Raissa set foot on Nakali. It mostly comes from its anime aesthetics, wild takes and 2D art shifts (notably during some unreliable flashbacks). There's even a bit of live action when our heroines watch Predator. It's visually creative, and quite overwhelming, at the same time. Granted, the hyperactivity fits our youthful protagonists, but it's not for everyone. By comparison, Raissa mind-melding with Jo during the climax shows creative restraint. And now, I gotta answer some questions…

You can also expect an excellent friendship. Jo & Raissa hit it off once they formally meet outside their principal’s office. Afterwards, they never stop being enjoyable together, even when things get dour. Late in the film, there’s a big reveal concerning Jo that turns Raissa against her. While Raissa is right to be upset, Jo’s desperation helps us sympathize with her. Raissa saving Jo from the depths of despair during their mind-meld is quite moving. Overall, our heroines’ chemistry is enlivened by both sets of voice actresses.

How about a decent supporting cast? It’s topped off by Mermahn, who’s a bit of a dullard, and Bungi, who’s surprisingly tolerable. King Truffle Wuffle (Ronny Chieng) of the Duwende is a cuddly little nuisance who thinks he’s a legitimate threat. They all help save the day, so they’re all right. They’re good reasons to look up information on their actual myths; you’d be surprised how cuddly the Duwende really aren't, for example.

And others! Raww’s “full dog” episodes, and imperfect reverts, provide some more visual craziness. He never acts like a third-wheel or something with our heroines. In fact, he fits right in with them. As with Jo, his major secret does little to dissuade audience sympathy. Batiba being the secret villain, much like Slate’s previous role as Bellweather in Zootopia, was a legitimate surprise. She even acts more malicious than Manang, if that’s possible.

What about our obvious villain? Manang sparsely talks, or roars, but what sticks out is her being described as an echo-chamber of negativity. You can certainly believe it, for she’s almost never happy. The animators go above and beyond to make her the embodiment of rage. You’ll almost feel bad for her, even if you don’t get the full story.

What else do we have? Nakali is visualized with a striking painted CGI style, much like that of The Last Wish. The creature designs are all interesting, even if they lend themselves to some overlong jokes (Mermahn, anyone?). Its real world provides a neat insight into life in the Philippines. The soundtrack is a great mixtape of classic tunes, including the obvious Don’t You (Forget About Me), and Nathan Matthew David’s score.

I'm willing to go back to Forgotten Island once it hits home media. Yes, it's centered on a great friendship, but I want to make sure nothing got past me the first time. If visual craziness suits your speed, buckle up for a great adventure. If it gets you interested afterwards, even a little bit, in looking up Filippino mythology, then it's doing right. Whatever the case, don't you forget about it.

I've said enough.

Heart of the Beast

 Before we get into the belly of the beast with next month’s Whalefall, how about we get to the Heart of the Beast? 

Meet Command Sgt. Maj. James Belmont (Brad Pitt) and his combat dog, Odin the German Shepherd, both retired. They’re out to get away from it all in Alaska; both have PTSD - Odin, especially. Belmont has an inconvenient heart attack while flying, and their plane crashes in a lake. They start trekking 58-miles to the nearest road, but nature isn’t that accommodating. That’s basically it.

Yeah, the screenplay by Cameron Alexander (normally a music video director), is that straight-forward. It actually opens up with Odin at his destination, where he’s found by a great Samaritan named Amber (Anna Lambe). In the main story, Belmont & Odin just trek through the wilderness, which was actually filmed in New Zealand. After the crash, they encounter a bear, a perilous tree bridge, and a pack of wolves. It gets a bit esoteric when the northern lights put in an appearance, but that’s about it. Overall, it gets its main job done well.

While Odin is credited as himself at the top of the credits, they later admit that he’s four dogs in one. Uber, a retired rescue dog, is the main one, while his sons Seeka, Ryker and Hondo are his stunt doubles. You can hardly tell the differences between them. He sells his scenes with many a weary look, such as the one he uses to drive off the bear. The cold open hardly diminishes the peril, which starts with him getting tossed from the plane. You’ll definitely feel for him in the home stretch. He’s just a good boy all the way through.

Belmont, meanwhile, keeps everyone at arm’s length. He’s extra-cautious with Watkins (J.K. Simmons), an old-timer who pops up for a scene. Belmont opens up enough to tell Watkins about his and Odin’s combat life. We also learn later that he has no family, but that’s it. None of his late unit stands out during the hazy PTSD-flashbacks. He sports “that calm, stern look,” to quote Watkins, for most of the film. He and Odin have a great relationship; individually, though, I was more invested in “Odie.”

Whether it’s the Alaska or New Zealand wilderness, cinematographer Mauro Fiore captures some splendid sights. As with the multiple lead dogs, I didn’t see anything amiss with the location filming. An intense sound-mix accentuates both the aforementioned flashbacks and the natural world (especially the wolves). The obviously digital animals didn’t detract from the intensity of their scenes. The wolves’ first scene, where they attacked a mama moose & calf, was quite unsettling. Odin’s titanium fangs and amputated leg were perhaps the film’s best effects. And finally, let's not forget Jared Michael Fry's emotional score, but then again, you couldn't forget it if you tried.

Despite its sparse story, there's a lot of Heart in this Beast. Chances are that you'll fall for its newcomer dog stars as much as their veteran human co-star. Their combined performance gives us one of the most memorable modern screen canines. You have to see them in action for yourself, anywhere and anyhow. I think I've said enough.

Resident Evil

 As I said before, I didn't watch any of the Resident Evil movies besides the third one, Resident Evil: Extinction. I guess it just wasn't for me. That was, until Zach Cregger followed up Weapons with the franchise's eighth film. Let's see how he does it.

Bryan (Austin Abrams) is a medical courier who, just after one job, is immediately given another. He just needs to drop off a package at an Umbrella Corporation lab in Raccoon City. It pays double, which is especially convenient since he's about to become a dad. He just needs to drive in the dead of winter and avoid any trouble ...

He soon realizes that there are monsters in these parts, such as an elderly farm couple (Andrea Miltnerová & Karel Dobrý) and their malinois. These ostensible zombies don't die when you shoot them in the head; they like to merge into tentacled things instead. Bryan is forced to go to Raccoon City on foot, where he hopes to end the night alive and human. It's not going to end well.

Just five years after Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City poorly melded the first two games’ stories together, Cregger & co-writer Shay Haten take the side-story approach for this reboot. There are no familiar character names, just a few aesthetic choices. During its 94-minutes, there’s a monster in every corner, Bryan never has allies for long, and he makes some easily preventable mistakes (and it’s a miracle that he survives a few). The tension never ceases as Bryan gets into one mishap after another, until its bleak & abrupt ending. Its approach has been compared to Mad Max: Fury Road for a good reason.

It wouldn’t work if Bryan wasn’t likable, which he is. Abrams plays him as well-meaning idiot whose biggest sin is “open mouth, insert foot.” I won’t deny that he’s insensitive to his now-pregnant girlfriend, Michelle (Sara Paxton, who’s only heard on his phone), but him helping the (unknown to him) zombie woman shows potential. His mistakes, such as shooting his own car, are believable cases of bad luck, rather than obstinate stupidity. I probably can’t say much about the ending, but Abrams delivers some of his best acting when Bryan realizes his situation is beyond hopeless.

Who else do we have here? Johnno Wilson, as a Sheriff who shares his last name, is reasonably strict with Bryan, who inadvertently dooms him by making him take the zombie woman. A poignant scene has Bryan encounter an infected girl (Isla McRae), who plays a major part in the bleak ending. Paul Walter Hauser & Kali Reis show up as Paul & Maxine, two Umbrella personnel who take Bryan into Raccoon City. He’s funny, while she’s super-cool, so of course they don’t last very long. And finally, we have the Umbrella Scientists, led by Zach Cherry’s Carl, where Bryan’s quest ends. They seem like a fun bunch, but their own intolerable stupidity pops up once things go horribly wrong.

One of the film's greatest decisions was to hire cinematographer Dariusz Wolski. His visual choices elevate some of its most horrific scenes into works of art. There's Bryan's snowy drive, which is only illuminated by his headlights, and is downright ominous when his taillights come on. There's also a random fat zombie that Bryan meets in the sewers, illuminated in moonlight. And then, we have a maternity ward illuminated in blood red for horrific reasons. If the Academy was willing and able, then Wolski could easily have his second Oscar-nomination here. He's accompanied by some excellent work from production designer Tom Hammock, editor Joe Murphy and composers Hays & Ryan Holladay, all of whom worked on Weapons.

Now, what can we expect from the monsters? You can expect zombies visualized with impressive makeup work, along with a few mutants with seamless CGI augmentations. The monstrous reveals provide a few great jump scares. You can also expect some imaginative monster designs, especially the aforementioned tentacled thing, The Pile. It was visualized with some impressive motion capture work, which involved harnessing a group of acrobats together. The Fat Zombie, meanwhile, is an equally heavy and realistic puppet. Its best boss battles, more or less, come from the divebombing zombies and the acidic Puker, the latter of whom impedes Bryan's elevator ride. 

Although Resident Evil isn't obviously based on the games, its narrative of unfortunate events is suitable for one. As Bryan gets to work, one can sense what it must be like to play these games without a guide. They can also get a few good laughs as Bryan's genre-savviness gets thwarted by reality (driving through locked fences doesn't work!). Once the ending hits, they can wonder about what game favorites like Leon Kennedy and Jill Valentine would expect. Video Games have been tricky to adapt into movies, but Resident Evil might hold some clues in its narrative DNA. You'll just have to find them for yourself.

Expect my next review to have at least a few more STARS!

Shaun the Sheep: The Beast of Mossy Bottom

 Who’s ready to get sheepish again?

Shaun the Sheep has another movie, which might mean another Oscar-nomination for Aardman given both his and his parent franchise, Wallace and Gromit’s, track-record. Let’s see what happens when he meets The Beast of Mossy Bottom.

This time, it’s almost Halloween, and Shaun and his flock are growing pumpkins. When their Farmer accidentally destroys their patch, Shaun upsizes a new one with some Home-Made Science he learned from a convenient book. Meanwhile, the Farmer wants to ask the local Vet out to the upcoming Halloween Hoedown. But first, he decides to do something with his thinning hairline. Unfortunately, he ends up taking Shaun’s growth formula by mistake.

Said growth formula won’t stop working, as the flock finds out. Meanwhile, it turns the Farmer into the titular “Beast.” The Vet mistakes him for Bigfoot, and she decides to “send him home” to Bigfoot Island. The townspeople want to kill him because they have nothing else better to do. Bitzer the dog thinks that the “beast” ate his master. Shaun and the flock set out to fix everything before somebody gets really hurt. That’s the whole movie!

At 81-miunutes, there’s not a whole lot of fluff. I went in thinking that the "Beast’s" identity would be a major twist. But the film drops that pretense once it establishes Shaun’s formula and the Farmer’s hairline. Compare that to Curse of the Were-Rabbit, which is six minutes longer, where it takes a while to figure out that monster’s secret. It’s disappointing to anyone looking for a deep mystery. But it won’t disappoint anyone looking for silliness in the slightest. Amongst its gags, we have an original twist on a Psycho shower parody that I won't spoil. It's all capped off by a few great set-pieces, one of which involves a giant pumpkin.

Once again, its plot is communicated with grunts and grumbles. But this time, I’ll introduce the most relevant actors - Justin Fletcher vocalizes Shaun and his cousin, Timmy; John Sparkes doubles-up the Farmer and Bitzer; and Nina Sosanya is the Vet. The whole cast, even the mean townsfolks, is an entertaining lot. Shaun's Mad Scientist act is a whole lot of fun. The Farmer and the Vet’s relationship is especially charming. While Bitzer is so entertainingly wrong about the "Beast," you can't help but feel for him just the same. In short, everyone's lively personalities prove that Aardman's animation excellence is alive and well.

Its family-friendly thrills are paired nicely with Natalie Holt's score. A particular highlight, for me, is the "Beast's" theme, whose imposing music is paired with sparse, and bombastic, lyrics. Its visual effects, not just the animation, are quite spectacular. Overall, there's a whole lot to see and not a lot of time to do so in The Beast of Mossy Bottom, and not just because it's so short. Hurry up and do so before it gets crowded-out; there's no guarantee it will stream on time for Halloween! I've said enough.

Practical Magic 2

 Oh yeah, Practical Magic! Isn’t it that one movie where Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock were witches?

Yeah, Baxter, that’s the one.

That’s a movie that happened!

It sure was. And like the best of them, it found its biggest audience on home video. Eventually, Alice Hoffman supplemented the world she started with her original novel with two prequels and a sequel, The Book of Magic. It’s from that sequel that we now have Practical Magic 2. 

Can you give me a primer?

Okay, so we have the Owens's - sisters Sally & Gillian (Bullock & Kidman), their aunts Jet & Franny (Dianne Wiest & Stockard Channing), and Sally’s daughters Kylie & Antonia (Joey King & Maisie Williams, tagging in for Evan Rachel Wood & Alexandra Artrip). Their witch ancestor, Maria, cursed her lineage with untimely deaths for any man they fell in love with. That includes Sally’s two husbands, the second of whom was Aidan Quinn’s Gary from the first film. After that tragedy, Sally magics away her daughters’ memories of magic, so they can live normally.

Years later, Jet passes away on her own birthday. Kylie brings along her boyfriend, Gideon (Xolo Maridueña), to the wake (uh oh). The curse eventually strikes Gideon and leaves him comatose. A heartbroken Kylie flies off to London with some magical tomes, which tell her how to reverse the curse. But since they’re evil tomes, Sally & Gillian fly off after her before things get messier. That’s kind of it.

There’s also some business with Tom Bailey (Solly McLeod), a handsome guy Kylie meets along the way. He’s the film’s secret, and practically unnecessary, big bad. His backstory’s disconnected from the family curse, even if it’s actually tied to the family. Yeah, he’s taking advantage of a bad situation, but that’s two plotlines rushing through the same small door. He’s so nothing that Gillian & Sally carry on a conversation in the middle of his villain monologue! He did have a neat final battle, so there’s that.

I haven’t seen the first film, but I imagine that part of the reason for its enduring popularity is its lively cast. If that’s what you love about it, then you’ll be happy to know that it hasn’t changed. It’s fun to watch all three Owens generations hang out with each other and amongst themselves. Jet, in particular, is such a lively character that her early death is the film’s biggest disappointment. Franny mostly spends time with Antonia, Gideon’s nurse, while the others have their plot; they’re fine together. Gillian & Sally and Kylie & Antonia’s sisterhoods, with their silliness and bonding, are especially appealing. Kylie, by herself, has the most compelling plotline, with the second going to her mother’s (even with some forced drama).

And who do we have to thank for this drama? We have returning screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, this time with Georgia Pritchett & Kelly Marcel, along with new director Susanne Bier (In A Better World, Denmark’s Foreign Language Oscar winner for 2010). That’s who.

What else do we have? The only significant character I haven’t mentioned yet is Dr. Ian Wright (Lee Pace), a magic professor who teams up with Gillian & Sally (who falls for him). They’re fun together, and he’s fun by himself. And while Jet died too early, it’s still nice to see the town come together to support the Owens afterwards (they were pariahs in the first film). Said town, which was called Maria’s Island in the first film, makes use of some nice location filming around England (tagging in for Coupeville). The Owens Estate, both interior and exterior wise, is the most appealing locale. The various displays of magic utilize some neat visual & sound effects. And finally, the soundtrack makes good use of both easy-listening songs and Rupert Gregson-Williams’ magical score.

You know, I hope that there isn't a Practical Magic 3. It's not because I hate Practical Magic 2, but because I think the Owens - both present and future generations - deserve a happy ending. If there is one, it shouldn't have the curse pull a fast one on them right at the start. As for this installment, you needn't worry if you haven't watched the first film; its exposition is that airtight. It's a bit overlong at 130-minutes, and has a few chronological & logical issues, but its cast makes it easy to forget these flaws. There's no harm in watching it, so go for it. 

The Uprising

 Paul Greengrass’s historical drama, The Uprising, doesn’t waste any time getting started. 

I won’t either.

It’s 1381. The Black Death is still in living memory, and the Hundred-Year’s War is still going on. The young King Richard II (Woody Norman) and his councilors need more money. So, they decide to tax the already strained peasants even more. It’s either that, or tax the merchants, and everyone knows they want representation (that’s basically their justification!).

A humble Ploughman (Andrew Garfield), who lost his family in the plague, starts a riot, which leads to the historical Peasants’ Revolt. Ploughman marches with the peasants to London, where they hope they can petition the King to be nicer to them. Needless to say, their faith in him is mostly misplaced. That’s pretty much it.

“I am what I do,” Ploughman says. And he doesn’t do much. He spends time with Richard and his mother, Joan of Kent (Katherine Waterston), so there’s something. But he mostly just goes with the crowd and only steps out to be their spokesman or fight. He’s barely able to do anything when the crowd gets out of hand midway through. We barely get to know him during the film’s arduous 127-minutes; there isn’t even a flashback to his family, whom he says haunts him. The best I can say about him is that he’s just fine.

It gets silly when it turns out that Mr. Plow is actually Robin Hood, or whoever inspired the legend (the poem Piers Plowman, the earliest surviving mention of Mr. Hood, was written during this time). It comes out of nowhere in the epilogue, and it just ends after an awkward last shot. It’s a waste of the film’s most vibrant costumes, specifically those for the pseudo-Merry Men. This was briefly subtitled as “The Rise of Robin Hood,” but a more appropriate moniker is “Surprise! Here’s Robin Hood!”

There’s barely a discernible face in the crowd, other than the revolt’s historical leaders Wat Tyler (Cosmo Jarvis) and John Ball (Jamie Bell), and even then I had a hard time remembering who was who. It’s kind of hard to care about them when the King double-crosses them and nearly slaughters them to the man. Alyce (Thomasin McKenzie), a former nun, is probably the most compelling face. While the King’s pivot to full evil is jarring, there’s no denying that Norman goes all out in the role. His evil council, meanwhile, is just there. But the best role in the film belongs to Sky Yang, as the King’s kind-hearted scribe.

So, did anything else work in this film? The cinematography by Pål Ulvik Rokseth can’t sit still to save its life, but it is appropriately bleak. More impressively, though, are its massive crowd shots; it’s hard to tell if any of those extras are digital. The editing by William Goldenberg sells us on the nightmarishness of the London riots. Unfortunately, it doesn’t dwell on any of its unintended victims, of which there are likely many. So, there goes the sympathy. But at least Volker Bertelmann’s intense score sets the mood quite effectively.

I know I complained a bit about Greengrass's The Lost Bus for its slow first act, but its unrelenting thrills more than made up for that. The Uprising, meanwhile, rushes through its history, and it also takes a while to get there. Strangely, its admirable story and resonant themes kept my attention more often than not. It just needed a much better execution for them. You can check it out if you want. Maybe you'll have a better time in its narrative Sherwood Forest.

I've said enough.

By Any Means

 Do you want me to review this fall’s first Oscar-bait drama?

Yes, By Any Means necessary …

Ha, you said the title! I’ll do it, but don’t hate me afterwards …

Okay …

It’s 1966, and Vernon Dahmer (Giancarlo Esposito), the Forest County Chapter President of the NAACP, is helping Black Americans register to vote. The Klan doesn’t take kindly to his efforts and firebombs his house one night. Dahmer gets his family out, but he doesn’t make it. Wayne Strider (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), an FBI agent and old friend of Dahmer’s, gets on the case.

His superiors, Special Agents Moore & Rhodes (David Strathairn & Josh Lucas), partner him with their special informant, Gregory Scarpa (Mark Wahlberg). Scarpa, a mafia Capo, was introduced in the prologue beating a confession out of a suspect in the 1964 murders of Chaney, Goodman & Schwerner. The FBI wants Strider to let Scarpa do his thing to solve this murder, too. Naturally, the two “partners” disagree on how to do things down south. But they’ll pull it off in the end, right?

For this cinematic assignment, director Elegance Bratton is paired with a screenplay by Sascha Penn. It’s not a subtle screenplay, considering its odious villains and brutal violence. Yeah, I know, how would anyone make the Klan and their sympathizers sympathetic? But Scarpa’s methods on most of their witnesses lose their luster after a while. For most of the movie, he keeps espousing to Strider about how good violence is. I’m not sure if it’s cathartic or horrific when Strider executes a bad guy near the end.

Let’s talk more about Scarpa. He doesn’t take it well when he’s assigned to the case, but why? He most certainly isn’t ashamed of the violence he’s done. Does he not want to leave his family? Maybe, but he has a mistress when Strider meets him. Maybe he just doesn’t like working for the feds? It doesn’t do a good job delving into his background, including how he took to Malcolm X’s teachings (which provide the film its title). He and Strider have decent chemistry, but Scarpa shooting a barking dog threatens to disintegrate the audience’s goodwill towards him. Yes, I know that the real-life Scarpa wasn’t a nice man, by any means, but the film Scarpa is a little flat.

Meanwhile, Strider is much more tangible a character. He tells Scarpa about the time he successfully retaliated against a racist cop, which is more backstory than what Scarpa gives. Other than that, he’s got good chemistry with his wife, Allison (Nicole Beharie), and struggles not to give into violence. It takes the murder of a witness, Rebecca Brewer (LisaGay Hamilton), to push him that far. But I’ve been thinking; Strider is a fictional composite character of several actual FBI agents, and he has more depth than a character based on a real-life man. Shouldn’t they both be equal?

What about the supporting cast? LaChanze is likable as Dahmer’s widow, Hattie. Esposito makes the most of his limited screentime as Dahmer, especially during his last stand. Dahmer’s assassins, led by Sam Bowers (Ethan Embry), are evil as they can be, but I didn’t find them the worst around. That title belongs to the racist cops who refuse to accept Strider’s FBI credentials (one of whom is shot dead by Scarpa). Strathairn, as usual, makes for a good moral authority figure. Lucas, meanwhile, is just there.

Mississippi Burning, which dealt with the 1964 murders, won an Oscar for cinematographer Peter Biziou. Ante Cheng’s intense orange hued imagery for this film ought to get him shortlisted, at least. It’s warm, but not inviting, especially when it’s used with Scarpa’s tortures. The attack on the Dahmers is perfectly harrowing, though the decision to briefly pivot to first-person POV as if it was Doom is a bizarre one. Wahlberg is kind of unrecognizable as Scarpa, thanks to a rather interesting makeup job. Terence Blanchard’s appropriately moody score ought to get it on the Oscar-shortlist in a few months.

I’ll bet that it already has an Oscar-nomination in the bag: its title song sung by David Kushner & The Isley Brothers was written by Diane Warren. I don’t see it breaking her losing streak; it’s good, but not great. Still, I’d be open to her winning at least once, whenever …

Anyway, should you watch By Any Means? Yeah, if you want to, particularly if you’re looking to check an item off the upcoming Oscar checklist. It's an odd movie, to say the least, but it's not a boring one. It's all for violence, but the torture scenes never outstay whatever welcome they had (unlike some other movies). It's probably worth comparing to Mississippi Burning, whose fictional Agent Monk (Badja Djola) was loosely inspired by Scarpa. You've got plenty of time before the Oscars, so you can watch it whenever.

I think I've said enough.

Coyote vs. Acme

 At long last, a cinematic masterpiece shelved forever is shelved no more…

The Day the Clown Cried?

I mean, another cinematic masterpiece shelved forever …

The Director’s Cut of The Magnificent Ambersons?

No, not that one, a modern cinematic masterpiece…

Empires of the Deep! I wonder who got that guy to pay up …

No, no, not those cinematic masterpieces, a more modern cinematic…

Batgirl! I knew there was a hero at Warner Bros. …

Actually, you’re on the right track, it’s not that but Coyote vs. Acme.

Oh…

And now, the review:

After so many attempts to bag that Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote has had enough. He decides to take the ACME Corporation, the manufacturers of his faulty gadgets, to court. Representing him are Kevin Avery (Will Forte), an Albuquerque lawyer, and his niece/intern, Paige (Lana Condor). Opposing them are ACME CEO Foghorn Leghorn (Eric Bauza, along with most of the Tunes) and his fixer, Buddy Crane (John Cena). It’s a tall order for Kevin and his firm, who have only tried and won small cases. 

As trial day approaches, Kevin and Wile E. try to get the Road Runner on the stand. They also become privy to something called “Project Sisyphus,” which ruffles Foghorn’s feathers. In fact, Foghorn’s so ruffled that he sends a mercenary (the identity is a surprise) after our heroes. It all comes to ahead when the case gets the attention of the Senate. That’s pretty much it.

Another Part of the Review

While the Looney Tunes, as a brand, hardly needs any introduction except - perhaps - to their under-appreciative corporate overlords, Samy Burch’s screenplay directly adapts Ian Frazier’s 1990 New Yorker article Coyote V Acme. That took the form of a transcript of said trial’s opening statement, whose main points are covered here. What does that mean on-screen?

As visualized by director David Green, the screenplay has fun placing its cartoon characters in a courtroom drama/legal thriller. It doesn’t bother to hide that Kevin’s mysterious informant is Bugs Bunny; “That’s All Folks!” is used as a threat; and Dr. Peter Lorre (as in, the Tune version of the actor) is a whistle-blower. Kevin is used to settling “cartoon accidents” much like real-world car accidents, even if he settles for peanuts. Luis Guzman, as the trial judge, tells the court he’s not here for silliness, while he wields a cartoon gavel. Overall, its seriousness is its best joke, and its greatest asset.

What do I mean by that? Well, remember when I said the film covers the articles main points? Those come with Wile E.’s psychological examination. It has a clear answer for why he’d keep using ACME’s products despite their incompetence (to wit, what choice does he have?). He doesn’t speak, but you’ll understand how badly he has it. Its most moving moment comes when Road Runner actually takes the stand and admits that Wile E. is still a friend. Though, that raises a lot of questions about Road Runner that it doesn’t want to answer (“Maybe he likes the chase?” for one).

Forte and Condor are pretty likable as the Averys, while Tone Bell & Martha Kelly are fine as their legal partners, Sal Maltese & Dottie Jones (yes, those last names are allusions to past creatives). Cena’s exuberant performance as Buddy Crane lends further proof to wrestlers making for great comedic actors. But seriously, he may be a bad guy, but he still shows some bits of decency. This iteration of Foghorn Leghorn is his most insidious one, which he best displays when he divulges Project Sisyphus. His disregard for his consumers really sells it. He’s not quite as villainous as Judge Doom in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but he’s still a mean bird. 

What Do We Have Here?

The cartoon characters, animated by DNEG, are all CGI cel-shaded characters. They look like classic Tunes, feel like classic Tunes, but their frame rate is smooth. It’s an odd disconnect, but maybe it’s just me. That aside, the animation and integration work is done rather well. You’ll never doubt that the Tunes and humans belong together. The action pieces, which include Dr. Lorre’s attempted escape and Wile E.’s latest chase, are phenomenal. They’re paired nicely with Steven Price’s score, whose best work is actually his rendition of the 1812 Overture. You’ll need to see it to believe it.

Was it Worth It?

I say, I say, it certainly was worth it. While Who Framed Roger Rabbit is still the gold-standard of animated hybrid-movies, Coyote vs Acme's sincerity helps it come close. It's a funny movie, but you'll still sympathize with the Looney Tunes' perennial loser. Its most admirable trait is that it exists at all. It's worth seeing once, not just in theaters, but on all aspects of home media. What else can I say but ....

That's All Folks!

The Magic Faraway Tree

 The Magic Faraway Tree, the film of Enid Blyton’s book series, premiered in the UK back in March, and locally as of this weekend. Let’s just get to it.

Meet the Thompsons. Tim (Andrew Garfield) dreams of a lucrative homemade pasta sauce business, while Polly (Claire Foy) has just invented a smart fridge. Their three kids - Beth (Delilah Bennett-Cardy), Joe (Phoenix Laroche), and Fran (Billie Gadsdon) - are really addicted to their tech. Polly’s employers add spy cameras to her smart fridge, so she quits. Tim promptly moves the family out to farm country, where he hopes to make his dreams come true. The farmer (writer Simon Farnaby) whose barn they’re renting warns them not to go into the woods.

Fran goes into the woods anyway, where she encounters the titular tree. There, she encounters various fair folks, such as Silky (Nicola Couglan); Moonface (Nonso Anozie); Saucepan Man (Dustin Demri-Burns); and Mr. Watzisname (Oliver Chris). Every day, the fae and their guests can climb their big ladder to a random, wondrous world. It could be The Land of Goodies one day, The Land of Birthdays the next. Fran’s siblings join her on the next visit.

Unfortunately, Beth, in her impatience, gets her cold-hearted grandma (Jennifer Saunders) breathing down her parents’ necks. Then, she accidentally wishes for her dad’s crops to go bad. Perhaps one of the other worlds can help her make it right. That’s pretty much it.

I never actually read the novels, nor watched their TV adaptation Enchanted Lands in the 1990s. But from what I’ve been told, some of the books’ concepts wouldn’t fly today. Case in point is Dame Snap (Rebecca Ferguson), a sadistic teacher who originally debuted as Dame Slap, a change she laments. It is what it is, I guess. There’s a more pressing issue related to her, though, which is her role.

Snap is set up as the film’s magical big bad, much like He Who Must Not Be Named. She’s petty, childish, and absolutely bonkers thanks to Ferguson’s performance. Just wait until you hear her menacingly sing Teddy Bear’s Picnic; she doesn’t want anyone to laugh at it, but what did she expect? So, what’s the problem with her? She shows up during the last twenty minutes and is another thing that happens instead of the thing. Two sequels have already been greenlit, so maybe she should - nay, she should - show up for a larger role.

The phrase “things happen” describes much of the plot. Throughout it, Fran is nearly arrested for “being greedy” in The Land of Goodies, Mr. Oom Boom Boom (Mark Heap) tries to sell Silky to Santa (who never appears), and Joe flies a magic bus that can fall asleep. The film is mostly too light for these perils to hit their mark. It’s not all frivolous, though, when Beth enters the Land of Birthdays (that’s where she makes her wish). It’s pretty clear this was made for kids, and they might take to some of its crudest humor better than their parents.

Speaking of parents, Garfield and Foy are likable enough as Tim and Polly. Their kids, whose tech addiction is played to satirical levels, take a while to endear themselves to the audience. Beth and Joe fuss around, while Fran is selectively mute for reasons. It’s a bit much, but they get better once they start their magical adventures. Admittedly, Fran didn’t need much character development, but Beth’s progression is the strongest of the trio. 

Much like Ferguson, the actors playing the Fair Folks go full pantomime in their roles. Moonface, in particular, thinks highly of himself, and Anozie playing up his ego is pretty fun. He gets a surprisingly moment of tenderness later on, though that requires me to reveal Tim’s secret. I can reveal, however, that Mr. Watzisname is surprisingly entertaining, while the Angry Pixie (Hiran Abeysekera) is just there. A few more notable folks include the Know-it-Alls (Simon Russell Beale, Lenny Henry and Michael Palin), a policeman in the Land of Goodies (Michael Dapaah) and a group of Birthday elves. Their broad acting is reflected rather well by their costumes (designed by Ann Maskrey), worlds (Alexandra Walker) and makeup designs (Karen Hartley).

The Magic Faraway Tree is just an easy time at the movies. It looks nice, feels nice, and plays nice. It's a decent movie, don't get me wrong, but it didn't entirely sell me on its esteemed books. I am, however, curious about its sequels, just in case they move along better than this one. See this installment if you're curious; I said enough about it.

I Swear

 I Swear won BAFTA awards for star Robert Aramayo and casting director Lauren Evans this past February. It premiered stateside in April, but since it never ran near me, I had to wait a while to watch it on Amazon. Let’s see what the UK has seen since October.

In 1983, 12-year-old John Davidson (Scott Ellis Watson) lives in Galashiels with dreams of football. Everything seems well until he starts showing signs of Tourette Syndrome. His various tics get him banned from the dinner table and trouble with his headmaster (Ron Donachie). Just about everyone thinks he’s acting out for no reason. His father quits the family, while the headmaster kicks him out.

Years later, John (Aramayo) is now formally diagnosed with Tourette's, and lives as normally as he can. One day, his old classmate Murray Achenbach (Francesco Piacentini-Smith) invites him to dinner. Murray’s mom, Dottie (Maxine Peake), a mental health nurse, invites John to move in, much to his mom, Heather’s (Shirley Henderson) objections. Over time, John finds steady employment under Tommy Trotter (Peter Mullan), a community center director, and becomes an activist for others like him.

Writer/Director Kirk Jones’s (Waking Ned Devine) greatest asset is his empathy. He gets us into John’s headspace really well when his Tourette’s first manifests. We understand, even if everyone else can’t, that he doesn’t want to act out. As he’s rejected, assaulted, and even charged with assault, the eggshells he walks around are practically laid out. We spend most of the movie unsure whether to laugh at some of his most audacious outbursts. And yet, it feels normal, even peaceful, when he finds himself amongst others with Tourette’s. It’s especially nice when he and a young woman, Lucy (Andrea Bisset), have a swear-a-thon late in the film.

If I haven't made myself clear, both Watson and Aramayo are excellent as both Johns. But let's not discount their supporting cast. Heather, even at her most unsympathetic, is clearly straining under pressure. She's at the very least sympathetic, unlike the Headmaster. It really lightens up when Dottie enters the picture, who's the pinnacle of compassion. She understands it when he accidentally punches her or rubs in her impending death from cancer (which turns out to be a false alarm). She tells him not to apologize for anything, which he keeps doing anyway. Tommy, meanwhile, has a limit to his understanding, but it does little to impede his audience likability. You'll especially feel it when he suddenly passes away, and John is banned from the funeral.

Lest you think the film exaggerates John's condition (which he refuses to call a disability), we have the actual John to compare the cinematic one during the credits. Aramayo's John is on-point with the actual one, who was famously documented by the BBC across the decades beginning with 1989's John's Not Mad. Strangely, the film omits the actual filming, but not the archival footage. Oh well, I guess.

So, what else does the film have? While not filmed in Galashiels, it makes good use of other Scottish locales such as the Hippodrome Cinema, which is the country's oldest one. That's where John has his first date, which goes awry before the main event, Tootsie, even begins. Those few minutes make for some good Anemoia for that time in cinema; and yes, Anemoia is an actual word. Anyway, some of his outbursts, such as him blurting out his poker hand, are still funny. After everything he's been through, it's still nice when John finds "normality" at the end. He even ends the film having a conversation with a complete stranger.  

You've still got plenty of time before next year's Oscars. And hopefully, the Academy will find plenty of time to check out I Swear however and wherever they can. It just premiered on Netflix stateside yesterday, so there's another avenue for them. You should still check it out even if you aren't an Academy member. It's really that good, I Swear. 

The End of Oak Street

 Meet the Platts.

It’s 1982, and Denise (Anne Hatthaway) is an aspiring author whose marriage to Greg (Ewan McGregor) is deteriorating. Her future bestseller is, coincidentally enough, about a woman who leaves her family. Her daughter, Audrey (Maisy Stella), hopes to study at Cornell, preferably with Carl Sagan. Her son, Brian (Christian Convery) is best buds with their blue-heeler, Starbuck. Greg, meanwhile, works as a secret pizza guy.

And then the dinosaurs move in.

For clarity, time bubbles keep popping up in their neighborhood. A really large one transplants the neighborhood right in the middle of a prehistoric landscape. Dinosaurs and other ancient fauna start prowling the streets, eating anybody they find. The Platts work out their family troubles as they try to survive. Perhaps another time bubble can send them Back to the Future.

That sums up The End of Oak Street, which was conceived by David Robert Mitchell (It Follows), and produced by J.J. Abrams (among others). Much like Abrams’ Super 8, it’s spiritually reminiscent of many a film with Steven Spielberg’s name. They mostly boil down to “a normal life is upended by the abnormal,” and that’s always been a fun concept. It's further proven here, as the Platts spend most of its 99-minutes surviving their temporal displacement. You'll spend some of it figuring out the mechanics as they do. Don't expect any big secret with the time bubbles; there isn't any.

Sure, some of the CGI effects are obvious, but the ancient neighbors never cease to be scary. Why’s that? Because they have a secret weapon in cinematographer Michael Gioulakis. Sometimes, we see glimpses of them roaming around, while other times, he leaves the camera running as something big stalks around. There’s a spectacular oner where the Platts fight an Allosaurus, and a standout scene where Denise fights a slithering Titanoboa in her kitchen. His split-diopter effects make some shots more memorable than most DPs would (no offense).

Of course, the thrills are meaningless if they don't happen to a compelling cast. The Platts fit the bill pretty well. It's quite thrilling to watch Denise, Audrey & Brian become action survivors, able to, at least, outwit the ancient neighbors. Greg comes admirably close, if not for an unfortunate twist midway through. Still, it's kind of nice how they work things out. You'll cheer inside when Starbuck has his big hero moment, and lives. 

Who else do we have on the block? There's Jeanette Christiansen (Jordan Alexa Davis), a new neighbor and Brian's crush who joins the Platts later on. She's an okay character. Mel (P.J. Byrne), the Platts' next-door neighbor, is obnoxious, but hardly deserving of his prolonged death by pterosaurs. Mrs. Valcourt (Emily Kuroda), the town's librarian, puts up a valiant last stand against a swarm of pseudosuchians (ancient crocodiles). Mrs. Huddleston (Anne Gee Byrd), Denise's neighbor, is even less deserving of a violent end. 

What else can I talk about? If you can probably infer, the violence is brutal, though as much as a PG-13 rating allows. It's probably as violent a true-to-the-text adaptation of Jurassic Park might be. Just thought you should be warned. The violence & serenity is paired nicely with Michael Giacchino's score, which further shows why he's one of the best modern film composers around. There, I said it. How else can I describe him?

There is one major twist at The End of Oak Street. It's a little weird, a little bit contradictory, and a bit horrifying to think about. But, whatever. It's still a spectacular dino thriller, one of the best outside of Jurassic Park. It's a great way to end this summer or even start next summer once it's out on home media. See it soon to see what I mean. I've said enough.

The Ribbon Hero

 The Ribbon Hero, which premiered last weekend on Netflix, is loosely adapted from the manga Princess Knight by Osamu Tezuka - the most important manga creator who ever lived. How does it live up to its pedigree? 

ACT 1

Sapphire, the Princess of Silverland, escapes with her retainer, Zirco, when it’s destroyed by a Nergal. They’re giant monsters who spread a rainbow mold and serve the ominous King of Ash, who’s kind of an evil God. Nobody dares defy the King, for they all fear his wrath.

They arrive in the neighboring Kingdom of Goldland, where a local girl, Pine, takes them in and helps them find work at a crystal mine. A Nergal shows up, and Pine falls into a crystal pool, from which she emerges as a super heroine - The Princess Knight - who drives off the Nergal. The populace sees Sapphire as their prophesied Angel of Hope. The Pope refuses to believe that it’s her, partially out of xenophobia. His top-enforcer, Velvet, eventually helps Sapphire fight the monsters. But will they be ready for the final fight?

ACT 2

The narrative, which is broken up into seven - seven! - acts, complete with a theatrical curtain transition, goes really fast. Silverland getting destroyed in the first minutes is the start, in more ways than one. What I described in the summary is just under an hour of screentime! Character progression for a few supporting players, like Velvet and Sapphire’s fellow miner Chorogy, fluctuates. The exposition dumps can sometimes be overwhelming. The final boss fights take up almost an hour of runtime. That ending also takes a strange and meta-fictional turn.

The most annoying thing is that the conflicts mostly and repetitively go like this:

I wanna help! I have the power!

Well, you can’t.

Why not?

You just can’t.

It’s kind of like a TV show speed-run, if you catch my drift. And no, I don’t mean the original anime, as its plot is fundamentally different.

ACT 3

Sapphire is a likable enough heroine. She’s courageous, selfless, and occasionally goofy (though not without cause). She’d be compelling if it weren’t for the uneven screenplay, but at least she ain’t boring or obnoxious. Zirco is fine, but Pine stood out better for being just a ray of sunshine. Amongst their fellow miners, we have Hecate - the only other character name I recognize from the source material - the cool big-sis type; Rock - a recurring character from Tezuka’s other works - the cool dude; twins Chick and Tack, both of whom are just there; and Chorogy. Chorogy’s cowardly behavior is tolerable, while his death is particularly underwhelming (his last words, a weary “you’re kidding,” sum it up).

It was hard to get a read on Velvet, at first. Is he a good guy? Is he a jerk who enforces the theocracy? He kind of switches between being both. Thankfully, it’s quite welcome when he solidifies into an ally. He’s consistently more likable than his boss, who insists on sacrificing soldiers and orphans for the King of Ash. Said King finally shows up in the last half-hour, and he’s not much of a presence. In fact, he and his Nergal are just generic doomsday villains.

ACT 4

For the most part, the character designs by Kei Mochizuki & Issei Arakazaki eschew Tezuka’s Disney-esque artstyle for their own modern one. Sapphire, while virtually unrecognizable, is memorable on her own terms. Part of it is due to her oversized hairbow, the source of her powers, and her actual Princess Knight look. Her compatriots, such as Rock, Hecate, and the twins, are recognizable enough. Zirco, meanwhile, is perhaps closest to Tezuka’s artwork. 

These characters inhabit a world visualized with a vivid color palette and production design. The various locales, whether it be Silverland, Goldland or the Nergals’ sanctum, are all splendid. Even the Nergals’ rainbow mold, which is mostly forgotten about once Sapphire becomes Princess Knight, is effectively eerie. Sapphire’s magical abilities, such as her swan transformation, are pretty nifty. She gets plenty of usage out of them during each exciting battle scene. The closest point-of-comparison I have to its visual style is the series Kill la Kill, but they don’t share any staff.

ACT 5

The Nergals, as well as their King, are visualized with some rough CGI. They look like something from the turn of the century, and yet, they aren’t too intrusive. Maybe because they’re supposed to be eerie things. Meanwhile, the film sometimes switches animation styles at semi-random, such as rendering Sapphire’s post-debut heroic montage as a puppet show.  If I’m annoyed by it, it’s because I’d rather see her heroics as they happened.

And finally, there’s a pretty great score by Ryuichi Takada & Satoru Kosaki. Even if the exposition is a bit much, at least their score is nice to listen to. The battle music are the obvious standouts. The sound mix made it a bit hard to listen to the dialogue, though I wonder if I need to adjust my TV (which I finally figured out how to do recently).

ACT 6

Princess Knight is a feather in the cap of its legendary creator. I don't know if The Ribbon Hero will be the same for director Yuki Igarashi (the Lop & Ocho episode of Star Wars: Visions), but for what it's worth, it's still an interesting watch. While the story isn't perfect, its narrative themes are pretty admirable. Check it out if you're curious; what else can I say?

Spider-Man: Brand New Day

  Spider-Man: Beyond the Spiderverse, the finale of the animated Spiderverse trilogy, is supposed to come out next year. In the meantime, you can catch Spidey with Spider-Man: Brand New Day, his latest live-action MCU entry. Judging by the record box-office, chances are you already have.

So, what can you expect if you haven’t?

After the multiverse fiasco last time, nobody remembers that Peter Parker (Tom Holland) ever existed. His alter-ego, Spider-Man, however, is NYC’s most-beloved superhero. He works well with the NYPD, particularly with detective Jean DeWolff (Liza Colón-Zayas), but not so much with the more violent vigilante, Frank Castle/The Punisher (Jon Bernthal). His former friends, MJ (Zendaya) and Ned Leeds (Jacob Batalon), are living their best lives. He’s just stuck in his.

One day, Spidey discovers that somebody can psionically body-hop across the city. This stranger drives, by proxy, a stolen tank into the Department of Damage Control, where they release super villain Mac Gargan, aka The Scorpion (Michael Mando). They’re apparently looking for something, or someone, and Spidey has to find out what it is before anyone else gets hurt. 

And, while this is going on, Spidey’s powers go haywire. His Spider Senses are unbearably boosted, and he can now fire webs from his wrists, rather than from his traditional web-shooter gadgets. It seems that he’s becoming more spider than man, and perhaps a visit with Dr. Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) can help him out. But he’s not going to like Dr. Banner when he gets angry.

This brand new day features a new director (Destin Daniel Cretton) with a returning composer (Michael Giacchino) and writers (Chris McKenna & Erik Sommers). As with Jon Watts before him, Cretton finds a right tonal balance between Spidey’s two lives. As fun as the action and jokes are, it’s at its most riveting as Spidey reconnects with Ned and MJ. It’s quite shocking when Spidey’s new antagonist spoils a compelling rooftop scene between Spidey and MJ. On the bright side, there’s Spidey’s public adoration, plus the implication that there is a way around Dr. Strange’s memory spell.

Should I try to keep who Spidey’s new foe is a secret? Marvel made an effort to keep it so. But it’s been out for a while, so I’ll just say who it is - Jean Grey (Sadie Sink). I’ll keep her true motive a secret, but I’ll just say it’s pretty understandable. What’s a bit less understandable is some of her pettiest actions (like forcing her psychic proxies to jump to their doom, even with Spidey around). It doesn’t mesh well with her otherwise anti-villain role. Still, her snapping and psychically freezing the city is fairly consistent with the eventual Dark Phoenix of past films. That’s why it only bothers me “a bit” rather than “a lot.”

Holland’s still great as Peter and Spidey, and so is just about everyone else. Zendaya and Batalon are still a great duo, even if MJ and Ned can’t remember Peter. Bernthal, as Frank, is a gruff guy with a good heart. Him realizing that he’s fighting the Hulk is hilarious; the hints of his dark and troubled past are not. The usually R-Rated Punisher does pretty well, I think, in this PG-13 setting. Mando, who last appeared in Spider-Man: Homecoming, makes the most of his screen time as Gargan. Marisa Tomei, whose Aunt May died last time, has a few strong scenes with Peter. Colón-Zayas, whose DeWolff is a pretty significant supporting player in the comics, makes for a great friend on the force. Tramell Tillman is decently insidious as the true villain, Bill Metzger. 

And finally, there’s Ruffalo as Dr. Banner and The Hulk. After almost a decade of the refined “Professor Hulk,” Jean inadvertently brings back the familiar “Savage Hulk” when she proxies him. It’s a bit disappointing to see this character development undone, but it also makes some sense. Between this and Spidey’s mutations, it’s arguing that forcibly suppressing one’s nature is dangerous. I admit that it does it well. Now, how will future films handle this change?

As with the previous films, this Spidey is still a visual and audio Marvel. The opening montage, where Spidey handles an assortment of comic book foes, such as Tombstone (Marvin “Krondon” Jones III, his Spiderverse voice actor) and Boomerang, is pretty neat, even if said foes barely feature beyond it. A few more visual highlights include Jean’s psychic breakdown, as well as the final battle with The Hand ninja clan. Special notice must be given to the elaborate choreography for Jean’s body-hop victims. On the audio level, there’s Spidey heightened Spidey-Senses, Jean’s psychic powers, and Giacchino’s score (though that’s a given).

You probably don’t need my persuading to see Spidey’s Brand New Day. So, I think I’ll do something odd - suggest that you also find time for a smaller film (I’ll let you pick). This film’s record box-office is nice, but as with its star, it can’t carry the world alone. I think I said enough.

Assassination Classroom the Movie: Our Time

 Assassination Classroom, by Yusei Matsui, has been frequently banned by school libraries across America, largely due to its seemingly alarming premise. Trust me, it makes much more sense upon further scrutiny.

Both the manga, and its associated anime, ended in June 2016. There was a pair of live-action movies before then, as well as a pair of anime movies afterward. This year, for the show’s tenth anniversary, there is another - Assassination Classroom the Movie: Our Time. Let’s examine this premise.

So, in the show itself, a yellow Octopus monster blows up more than half of the moon. If he’s still around by the following March, he’ll blow up the Earth. He, and the Japanese Government, task Kunugigaoka Middle School’s Class 3-E, aka the Losers’ Class, to kill him. The monster, dubbed “Koro-Sensei,” is not only inhumanly fast and durable, but is actually a lovable goofball and extremely invested teacher.

It probably comes as no surprise that they eventually pull it off - with the show’s waifish protagonist, Nagisa Shiota, landing the killing blow. In this movie, with fifteen days until Judgment Day, Class 3-E looks back on some of their misadventures with Koro-Sensei. It’s not merely a simple clip show, as its most substantial segments adapt certain manga stories the anime’s 47 episodes didn’t cover. So, we watch Koro-Sensei -

1.- help aspiring artist Sosuke Sugaya pursue his craft - with an unconventional canvas.

2.- help valedictorian Meg Kataoka persuade her “friend,” Kokona Tagawa, an aspiring swimmer, to stop mooching off her.

3.- help class Casanova Hiroto Maehara get back at a manipulative ex.

4.- help Maehara make up with classmate Hinata Okano after a disastrous Valentine’s Day.

5.- help Azusa, a terminally ill pub owner, shake off the Yakuza.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this Koro-Sensei is quite the helpful monster. No wonder the class is pretty hesitant to kill him. I think you’ll get that point even if you haven’t watched the anime.

It’s technically not much different than the anime. It’s got nice colors, fine music, and some decent animation. I know, I pretty much said the same about Miss Kobayashi, but it also applies here. Its clip show structure has me thinking, of all films, Heathcliff the Movie, which is an odd point-of-comparison. Granted, how it revolves around never-before-seen events, unlike Heathcliff, is an interesting conceit for a clip show movie. The whole narrative experience, however, feels more like an extended episode of the show than a conventional film. It may be 82-minutes, but the frame device’s general uneventfulness causes it to drag.

Any highlights? Irina Jelavic, a fellow teacher and professional assassin, gets pranked by Koro-Sensei and Sosuke in the first segment. You’ll just have to see how she gets the last laugh. Koro-Sensei’s unconventional swimming lessons for Kokona in the second segment are interesting, to say the least. It’s interesting to watch Class 3-E organize the “revenge” on Hiroto’s Ex and her new boyfriend like an actual military operation. The fourth segment is okay, but the fifth is the film’s most compelling (plus, it has a twist that I really didn’t see coming).

Besides Koro-Sensei, who else does the class have? The highlighted students are interesting enough, as are Nagisa and his two closest friends, Kaede Kayano and Karma Akabane. You’ll need a guide to figure everyone else; thankfully, the third segment has captions identifying the others. Lest you feel bad for Hiroto’s ex, she actually gets her boyfriend and his buds to beat up Hiroto just for being nice to her. Azusa, and her daughter, Hotaru, could probably carry a whole movie by themselves. The Yakuza goon who threatens them is so grotesque that he’s unbearable to look at. Futoshi, a seemingly dimwitted assassin who frequents the pub with three of his buddies, is more bearable. 

If anything, this movie is just for those who want to see this cast one more time. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if Our Time is your first time with the cast of Assassination Classroom, you’ll feel like you’ve missed out on a bit. I suggest you watch the show, then slot this movie in around Episode 42, and you’ll be set. You can do both with Crunchyroll. I'm kind of interested in the live-action films now, but I think I said enough.

The Odyssey

 Does Christopher Nolan need an introduction at this point? His name is a brand, as Oppenheimer’s box-office and Oscar success illustrates. He knows what he’s doing, even if it takes a few viewings to learn what it is. 

And now, we have what I consider his most surprising film - his take on The Odyssey. I simply didn’t expect he’d take on one of antiquity’s most important narrative works. But this is the man who thoroughly examined Batman through three films. He’d probably find a way to examine Odysseus (Matt Damon).

He does. He does it well.

After ten years of fighting the Trojan War, Odysseus, King of Ithaca, wins it by way of the Trojan Horse. All it cost was a brave soldier, Sinon (Elliot Page), and Odysseus’s mortal soul. Having violated Xenia (“Zeus’s Law”) with the ruse, Odysseus and his men get divinely sidetracked on the way home. When the story opens, Odysseus is the lone survivor of his crew, trapped for seven years with the nymph Calypso (Charlize Theron). He tries to remember everything that’s happened so far.

Meanwhile, back at Ithaca, Odysseus’s wife Penelope (Anne Hathaway) and their son, Telemachus (Tom Holland), host a whole bunch of her suitors who have long overstayed their welcome. When Telemachus leaves to learn about his father, the suitors’ ringleaders Antinous (Robert Pattinson) and Polybus (Corey Hawkins) decide to get rid of him on the road. Odysseus can save the day only if Calypso lets him leave…

About the only thing you might find odd about it is Xenia itself. How is the Trojan Horse supposed to be hospitable? Why didn’t Penelope just throw the bums out ages ago? In the case of the Trojan Horse, just remember that they said it was a peace offering, and you’ll be fine. The suitors, meanwhile, don’t look like the kind of guys who’d take it on the chin. Those things aside, this is probably Nolan’s most narratively straightforward film. You can understand most of it in one go.

Where do I even begin with this cast? What a bunch they are! Perhaps I can start by saying that Damon is great as Odysseus. I can say that he’s quite compelling as a shell-shocked veteran, an arrogant fool, a confident trickster, and a noble family man. Then, I can say that Hathaway does an excellent job conveying Penelope’s pent-up frustration with her situation. Next, I’d say that Holland’s pretty good as a young king coming into his own. Pattinson’s Antinous had me thinking the whole movie of Joaquin Phoenix’s Commodus in Gladiator. He’s a perfectly detestable creep all the way through …

Oh wait, I’m doing that already!

Going down the cast list, Samantha Morton’s Circe is loathsome, oddly sympathetic, and downright disturbing all at once. All of this in technically one scene! Elliot Page’s Sinon is an excellent face of the human cost of war. Charlize Theron’s Calypso is surprisingly graceful when Odysseus breaks her lotus spell. Himesh Patel, as Odysseus’s second-in-command Eurylochus, is especially sympathetic when his loyalty sours.

The film’s most compelling performance belongs to John Leguizamo, whom I didn’t initially recognize at first as Eumaeus, Odysseus’s loyal swineherd. It’s so rewarding to see him, after years of getting abused by the suitors, join in on the final melee.

And finally, we have Lupita Nyong’o, double cast here as Helen of Troy and her twin sister, Clytemnestra. She doesn’t have a lot of screen time, as either character, but she’s undeniably a highlight. Despite Helen’s husband, King Menelaus (Jon Bernthal) insisting otherwise, their marriage post-Troy isn’t rosy. Her pent-up disdain for him is palpable, and justifiable. You’ll be with Clytemnestra when she kills her husband, Menelaus’s brother Agamemnon (Benny Safdie). Agamemnon, meanwhile, is repulsive, even as an otherwise pitiful shade.

This is one of Nolan’s best sound-mixed films. Sure, you can actually understand the cast amidst Ludwig Gorranson’s thundering score, but you won’t forget its sound effects. There’s the thundering roar of Polyphemus the Cyclops (Bill Irwin), an excellently realized digital monstrosity. A few arrow shots leave a mark. The aural highlight is Odysseus plucking his bow with an unearthly resonance just before the final melee. Jennifer Lame’s editing marvelously builds up the suspense before Odysseus attacks. 

The makeup and visual effects work is nothing less than extraordinary; they really come together when Circe molds the crew into pigs. The other monsters, like Scylla and the Laestrygonians, are marvelous. I don’t know how accurate Agamemnon’s Darth Vader armor is, but Hoyte van Hoytema filming him outside Troy like a demon is undeniably cool. Overall, the visuals are exquisite.

To make a long story short, check out The Odyssey. I think it does right as a psychological examination of Homer’s most famous work, just as much as The Dark Knight Trilogy did to Batman. If not, there are several other versions of this story. Just keep in mind that it’s a long film. 

Evil Dead Burn

 Once again, I’ll open up a review with Tolstoy’s opening to Anna Karenina: “happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Some fight over souffles, while others get gradually possessed by demons. Guess what kind of family is in Evil Dead Burn?

On the night of his brother, Joe’s (Hunter Doohan) birthday, Will Price (George Pullar) argues with his wife, Alice (Souheila Yacoub), and speeds off into the night. He literally runs into a Deadite, one of the titular Evil Dead, who supernaturally ensures his fiery demise. Will emerges as a Deadite - though he’s kept off-screen until the finale - at the crematorium and possesses his dad Edgar (Erroll Shand).

Meanwhile, Alice joins the family, which also include mom Susan (Tandi Wright), Grandma Polly (Maude Davey), and Joe’s girlfriend, Thya (Luciane Buchanan), at their Lakehouse. Susan and Edgar’s misdirected resentment towards Alice gets worse when Edgar goes fully Deadite. As the others gradually join Edgar, Joe and Alice search his grandpa’s possessions for the Kandarian Dagger, the one weapon that can easily kill the Deadites. Alice, though, will have to use it.

If you haven’t seen the previous film, Evil Dead Rise, or even Sam Raimi’s original trilogy, then you’re in luck. Grandpa Price’s (Michael Hurst) voiceover explains just enough about what everyone will face for the next 110-minutes. As long as you understand the Evil Book that summons evil dead, and the magic dagger they want to destroy, you can jump in and not miss much. You won’t be lost if you don’t know who the first Deadite is - it’s Jessica (Greta van den Brink, tagging in for Anna-Maree Thomas) from Rise. While the Deadites’ victims join them, the unlucky crematorium worker who meets Deadite Will doesn’t. That’s the only confusing part.

Remember how I said the dagger can easily kill the Deadites? Well, that’s because the violence here isn’t that easy. In fact, it gets sadistic as the humans and Deadites meet some over-the-top bloody deaths. Director Sébastien Vaniček (Infested) keeps the infamously “Video Nasty” style alive and well with each and every brutality and fatality. The impact is hardly diminished by any obvious CGI, especially during Deadite Will’s long-awaited appearance in the climax.

If sadistic violence isn’t your thing, then perhaps you might enjoy its dark comedy. Will’s funeral, for starters, is frequently interrupted by the sounds of an adjacent construction site. Afterwards, the senile Grandma Polly acts as the film’s comic relief, always ready with an out-of-place comment or two. Her obsessively accusing Thya as a thief even flummoxes her as a Deadite. It’s kind of disappointing that she goes Deadite, but she’s just as funny afterwards, especially with how Joe defeats her (sort of).

Other than Max (Dax) the dog, Polly is probably the nicest of the Prices by default. Will doesn’t endear himself to the audience in his short time alive, and we gradually see how bad he was by the time he debuts as a Deadite. Susan & Edgar are unpleasant folks who brush aside Will’s abusiveness, but even they have understandable excuses (traumatic family history; a Deadite). Joe, the decoy protagonist, is so milquetoast that he’d sorely disappoint the franchise’s most famous one, Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell, who has a quick photo cameo). Thya gets brutally shortchanged by the narrative, as she’s just there.

While Alice isn’t as quotable as Ash, she’s no less compelling a heroine. Even without the Deadites, her being stuck with her ex-husband’s generally unpleasant family is a horrific prospect. When she finally arms herself, she proves herself just as formidable as the repeatedly aforementioned Ash. It’s glorious, and even funny, as she goes to town on the Deadites. She suffers especially brutally when she fights Deadite Will, but her victory is all the more impressive. I just hope it won’t be for naught once the in-production Evil Dead Wrath finally releases.

Vaniček’s technical prowess is just as impressive as Raimi’s. Cinematographer Philip Lozano’s outstanding work is best exemplified when he follows Alice crawling from a chaotic battle around her. Polly going Deadite is dramatically powerful, even if it's slightly silly as she rises like a bedsheet ghost. Editor Maxime Caro keeps us glued during a particularly tense dinner, which ends with the most shocking fatality. As with the violence, a few smash cuts are anything but subtle. As for other visual aspects, the Lakehouse is believably rundown, while most of the Deadites are believably disturbing. The aural landscape is accentuated by a perfectly eerie sound-mix and score by the duo Double Danger. I think the results speak for themselves.

A film about domestic abuse and terrible in-laws is usually hardly appealing. But Evil Dead Rise is an exception, thanks to its compelling Final Girl and its wicked sense of humor. I think this might be an interesting, to say the least, film to watch this coming Thanksgiving, and all to follow. While I skipped Rise, Burn interested me enough in Wrath, whenever it comes out. I hope the interest lasts by then. 

If it's still not to your liking, then maybe the muses can sing in me a more appealing tale next time...

The Invite

 The Invite, Olivia Wilde’s third film as a director, is the fifth remake in six years of Cesc Gay’s motion picture, Sentimental (aka The People Upstairs), which was based on his stage play The Upstairs Neighbors. How does it fare this time? How does it fare at all?

Joe (Seth Rogen) and Angela (Wilde) have a lot to talk about. He’s a former musician and current music professor, while she’s an art major and stay-at-home mom. With their daughter away at a sleepover, Angela sets up a dinner party with an upstairs couple, Hawk (Edward Norton) and Pina (Penelope Cruz), who have kept Joe up all night with their nightly activities. During the fateful dinner party, the other couple invite their neighbors to join in. It’s delightfully weird, until Joe & Angela’s marital troubles boil over. I think that’s it.

Oh man, Will McCormick & Rashida Jones’s screenplay is loquacious. It seems like barely a second goes by without the characters saying something. More often than not, all that crosstalk is as hilariously awkward as the evening’s events, which include a burnt souffle, which Angela casually throws away, and a wasted charcuterie. It barely lets up when it goes from farcical to psychological. While the film only credits Sentimental as its source, its wordiness, it only being set in Joe & Angela’s apartment, and its small cast give away its stage origins. Silence does speak a few notable times, including the ambiguous finale, but they’re still accompanied by Dev Hynes’s moody score.

Throughout the evening, your sympathies might shift a lot amongst Joe & Angela. Sometimes, you'll like Joe as he deals with his bad back and Angela's sudden dinner party (that she claimed she told him about months in advance). Later on, you'll also hate him after he makes a repulsively entitled outburst at Angela (and sympathize with her). Their negatives and positives balance each other out. By the end, even after they & Pina conclude that their marriage is unsalvageable, you'll still hope that they might. Pina is not only fun and energetic, but as a therapist, she is also the voice of reason Joe & Angela sorely needed. Hawk is a cool guy, despite him being unintentionally condescending, and you'll definitely feel for his sad backstory. They present themselves a perfect couple, but you'll eventually learn that's not the case. Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night.

When Hawk & Pina arrive, it's in the middle of an argument between their hosts. Hawk assures them, despite the awkward introduction, that "we love a contentious environment." Well, if you love an environment filled with the wittiest double couples' therapy since Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, take The Invite to your local cinema. It's quite worth it.

Yeah, it's a surprising conclusion, but between its dysfunctional couples and the dysfunctional family who features in my next review, you might enjoy the couples better.

Moana - Again

 Today, I get to review a remake of a film I’ve already reviewed!

I’m old.

Because Disney felt that it wasn’t enough for Moana to sail the CGI seas, they fast-tracked her a voyage across the CGI seas … in live-action form! Yeah, it’s kind of pointless this soon, which I already complained about, but it’s shockingly decent. Let’s see if I can explain why.

If you’ve seen the first film, then you’ve seen this one. All the songs, pretty much all the dialogue (with some additions here and there), and the twists are where they are. I’ll just link you my review from a decade ago; what can I say except you’re welcome?!

But seriously, the film doesn’t deviate exponentially from what Jared Bush and the numerous story writers charted out a decade ago. During its 115-minutes, eight minutes more than the 2016 original, its most original scene is a montage where demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson, in-person this time) re-accumulates with his magical fishhook. This gives space for a new song, Along the Way, by original songwriters Lin-Manuel Miranda, Opetaia Foaʻi and Mark Mancina. I can at least say the music, new and old, all sounds great.

Catherine Laga’aia, who plays Moana herself, has particularly strong vocals for How Far I’ll Go, the first film’s Oscar-nominated “I Am” Song. She and Johnson are pretty good, even if their live characters are nowhere near as animated (ha ha) as their CGI counterparts. Grandma Tala (Rena Owen), on the other hand, is just as delightful as her animated counterpart. As with the first film, Tamatoa (Jemaine Clement, again reprising the role), the monster crab, provides a musical and action highlight with his song Shiny. For a photorealistic behemoth, he’s not as unnerving as Heihei the scatterbrained chicken.

Besides its movie bonus song, there’s also Production Designer John Myhre and Costume Designer Liz McGregor to consider. They visualize Moana’s home village of Motonui with a splendid attention to detail. It may not be as bright as its animated counterpart, but its own color palette’s still appealing. The wayfinding anthem, We Know the Way, and its finale reprise, do a splendid job obfuscating the differences between the practical and CGI canoes on-screen. The ocean is obviously CGI, but it’s still a stellar effect. The best effects, both sound and visual, belong to Te Ka the fire demon and her true identity, Te Fiti the creation goddess (statute of spoiler limitations is over).

As a remake, Moana’s story is more familiar than it was ten years ago. It could have used a bit more originality than that one scene for the new song. It wasn’t boring, and had fits of charm, so I can’t bring myself to hate it as much as others have. You can see it if you have nothing else to do; I mean, there is a dearth of family films between now and Paw Patrol next month. But if any possible Moana 2 textually adheres to its animated counterpart, I won't be amused. Just bemused.

Next up, a remake of a six-year-old Spanish film. Fun!