That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime the Movie: Tears of the Azure Sea

 Do you remember the time That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime got a movie? I do.

It's time for the slime, Rimuru Tempest, to be reincarnated again on the big screen. This one's subtitled Tears of the Azure Sea, and it's just in time for summer. You'll understand the significance in a second.

This time, Rimuru and his retinue fly by dragon to their ally, Elmesia's, island resort. They have nothing to worry about under the sun, except for the occasional nuclear magic strikes on the neighboring undersea kingdom of Kaien. Yes, nuclear magic. But nobody on the island's actually worried about them.

Perhaps the islanders should be worried about Kaien's Great Water Dragon, which can be summoned with a magic flute. Yura, priestess of Kaien, made off with the flute in the cold open. She took it to prevent Kaien's evil ministers, Djeese and Zodon, from using the dragon for evil. Rimuru gets involved when his goblin retainer, Gobta, saves Yura from her pursuers. As sparks fly between Gobta and Yura, the merry monsters set out to stop the conspiracy. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

For those interested, this film takes place between the anime's third and fourth seasons (the latter just premiered last month). You won't be lost too much in its standalone plot, but thanks to Rimuru's opening narration, you'll understand why the franchise got its name (unlike last time). You still need a character guide to keep up with everyone in Rimuru's massive retinue, but you'll do fine as long as you focus on a select few (Rimuru himself, Gobta, the ogres Shion & Shuna, Elyun the elf, Ranga the wolf, and their guest Yuna). There's a bunch of shenanigans amongst the cast - like comical jealousy - before they get involved with the plot. The ministers are stockish, but there's a nice narrative jolt when Zodon double-crosses Djeese. I was practically stunned that there was such a thing as nuclear magic, though I could barely understand who and why kept attacking.

Gobta, who was barely a character in Scarlet Bond, basks in the narrative sun. While the series mostly treats him as a laid-back loser, this film gives the little dude a surprisingly endearing romance with Yura. They have great chemistry, whether it's with them outrunning her pursuers or just sharing a float. And for a laid-back loser, Gobta proves himself a tough little dude in battle.  In fact, they outrun Yura's pursuers so long I almost thought Rimuru and the others would be completely sidelined here. Why shouldn't they be together? It's obviously because it's a filler movie, which the ending painfully (not tragically) reminds us of. 

It's a beach movie, so naturally, the scenery and colors are pleasant. Both the surface and underwater worlds look nice, with a limestone cave being a particular highlight for the former. Most of Rimuru's retinue only stand out during the final battle, and they've got some nifty powers to show off.  The Great Water Dragon is ferocious, even if its personality is generic. Hitoshi Fujima's score is fine, but the most unforgettable sounds come from the nuclear magic strikes. Anyone who knows what to expect from the source anime will also get it good here.

While Scarlet Bond traveled some rough narrative waters, Tears of the Azure Sea is a trip through the shallow end, both in narrative and in stakes. Still, thanks to its quirky cast, it's fun while it lasts. If anything soured me on this movie, it's that the theatre forgot to play any trailers before the movie AGAIN. It's not the movie's fault, though. All in all, this slime time is a good summer matinee time. It'll be a while before it streams on Crunchyroll, so see it soon if you want to. I've said enough.

The Devil Wears Prada 2

All right everyone, gird your loins! 

Jethro's coming in hot with a review of The Devil Wears Prada 2. This sequel's been a longtime coming, so ...

Hi, Daisy Mae. You don't need to oversell it. I won't.

Okay...

The Devil Wears Prada 2

Oh yes, Miranda Priestly. You may know her from Laura Weisberger's novel, The Devil Wears Prada. You may know her better from David Frankel's film of the novel, where Meryl Streep added another Oscar nomination as her. Will she add another one for this sequel? I don't know, but it's still worth a watch.

In the first film, Miranda's beleaguered assistant Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway) walked out on her in Paris. In this one, Andy is a celebrated journalist until she and her co-workers are laid off by text during an awards show. Meanwhile, Miranda's magazine Runway, already a shell of its former self, is hit with bad press after it's revealed they endorsed an unethical fashion brand. Irv Ravitz (Tibor Feldman), the magazine's publisher, hires Andy as the new features editor to help spin some good press. Andy tries to be cordial, but Miranda refuses.

Andy also reunites with Miranda's number-two, Nigel Kipling (Stanley Tucci), and her former rival, Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), who now works at Dior. Things soon look up for Runway after Andy books an interview with wealthy influencer Sasha Barnes (Lucy Liu). But when Irv keels over at his own birthday party, his son Jay (BJ Novak) takes over with dreams of downsizing. Andy decides to go behind Miranda's back to save their magazine. But will she accidentally make things worse?

Did you know that Weisberger wrote two sequels to the original novel? Revenge Wears Prada: The Devil Returns and When Life Gives You Lululemons. Well, returning writer Aline Brosh McKenna isn't adapting either of them. Just thought I'd let you know.

I haven't seen the first movie since its first release, but I still remember bits of it (like the Harry Potter subplot). Those who've watched it more frequently, meanwhile, will certainly get a kick out of its two leads. It's pretty amusing, for example, to watch Miranda try to tone down her mean boss attitude. She's certainly mean and fun with Andy, but she also has several valid points. Andy's scheming, meanwhile, is rather understandable once you consider that she's out to save her only viable job. After everything in the first movie, it's pretty nice to see them come to a mutual understanding at the end.

Further down the cast, we have Emily, who's still a fun frenemy for Andy. Like with Miranda, they eventually come to a mutual understanding, maybe too quickly. Nigel may be noticeably older, but he's still that same witty mentor whose command opened my review. His ultimate secret makes reasonable sense. As for the new cast, Patrick Brammall is fine as Andy's new boyfriend Peter, while Kenneth Branagh makes the most of his screentime as Miranda's husband, Stuart (I thought he was her husband in the first film; guess I didn't remember that well). Once Sasha enters the plot, I spent the whole film waiting for her to come back, which she only does at the end. I thought the plot would've hinged on her big wedding, but nope. Her ex-husband, Benji (Justin Theroux), plays more of an active role since he bids for Runway. I'll leave it to you to guess how he's outwitted.

Frankel also brings back the likes of Florian Ballhaus (cinematographer), Theodore Shapiro (composer), Ellen Lewis (casting director, this time with Shayna Markowitz), and Jess Gonchor (production designer). Even costume designer Molly Rogers, who takes over from the first film's Oscar-nominated Patricia Field, was her associate in the first film. The most significant newcomer is editor Andrew Marcus, taking over for the late Mark Livolsi. What they've created is a world as familiar as its characters. Anyone expecting elaborate - also nomination worthy - outfits, stylish offices for Runway, and glamorous location filming (this time, Milan), will get it good. As for me, I barely remember Irv from the first film, and his sudden death was quite a shock; so, we're good in editing. 

The Devil Wears Prada 2 is mostly concerned with bringing the band back together, both on and off-screen. It's not entirely groundbreaking, except for some of its outfits, but it's still pretty fun. For what it is, it kicks off this year's summer movie season with some style. Just wait for what else I'm planning to review.

That's it.

Michael

The Word Is Out, So Here’s Mine.

Wait a While, and You’ll Do Fine

As People Talk (Don’t Leave Your Seat)

Before He Sings (Cause It’s a Treat)

And now, a longer review of Michael, the year's most anticipated biopic.

A few reviews have taken the film to task for ignoring certain aspects of its subject's life. A lot of it is due to legal reasons, including a settlement that nobody told the filmmakers about until it almost wrapped. More of it is due to the film ending in 1988, years before these aspects unfurled. For this review, I will try to focus on the film that director Antoine Fuqua, writer John Logan, their multiple editors (including Oscar-winners John Ottman, Conrad Buff IV and Tom Cross), and others ended up creating. 

Anyway, it begins in 1966, where Daddy Dearest Joseph (Colman Domingo) gets Michael and his Older Brothers to form The Jackson 5. They hit it big when they sign on with Motown Records, whose founder Berry Gordy (Larenz Tate) sees solo greatness in Michael. But Joseph wants Michael on the family act forever and ever. Michael creates hit after hit, some bigger than others, while wrestling out of his father's control. Yeah, I think that's about it.

Michael Jackson, of course, is played by his nephew Jaafar. Between his pitch-perfect voice and dance moves, it’s easy to forget you’re watching an actor for two hours. Chances are, you won’t even notice that Jaafar’s vocals were blended with Michael’s. Jaafar even nails his uncle's off-stage affability, which helps get one through the film's slower parts (mostly between songs). He's even pitiable enough that it might make one reconsider joking about MJ's eccentricities. For all anyone’s concerned, the King of Pop lives again.

No scene makes that clearer than when he films the Thriller music video. Its cinematic recreation, filmed by Dion Beebe, is just as fresh as it was forty-three years ago. I could watch its dance on infinite loop! It's even exhilarating to watch Michael's creativeness at work as he brainstorms the eponymous album's name. Meanwhile, getting actual gang members to dance on Beat It perfectly displays his charm. The Bad finale is nice and loud, almost concert-level loud. It's particularly interesting to watch Michael in the studio, as we switch between him singing to nothing and the engineers listening to the backing track. Needless to say, this film sounds great.

Domingo's performance is fascinatingly weird. Early on, Joseph whips young Michael (Juliano Krue Valdi, who also nails his role) for protesting his non-stop rehearsal schedule (it's so tough to watch). From then on, he's utterly terrifying when he's alone with Michael, even as an adult. With the whole family present, he's a card-carrying villain who talks of his selfishness like a smooth DJ. Still, him being more concerned with Michael being able to perform after the fiery Pepsi accident, rather than his well-being, isn't very nice. It's still satisfying whenever Michael stands up to him, especially the final Victory Tour concert. 

Who else do we have in the cast? For starters, there's Bubbles the Chimp, who's played by an obvious CGI chimpanzee. He's still an obviously enjoyable CGI chimpanzee, so there's that. If I do have any gripes, it's that the film barely acknowledges The Wiz, where MJ played Scarecrow and met producer Quincy Jones (Kendrick Sampson). In the narrative, he and Jones just know each other; still, Sampson's pretty good in the role. In fact, so is Tate as Gordy, along with co-stars Miles Teller (MJ's attorney, John Branca), KeiLyn Durrel Jones (bodyguard Bill Bray) and Nia Long (Mother Katherine). I can't believe that I didn't recognize Mike Meyers as CBS Records president Walter Yetnikoff, whose only scene is hilariously awesome.

A Captain Obvious title reminds us that "His Story Continues." There's been talk of a sequel, largely due to all the footage left out of this one, and especially due to Michael's reputation. I'm a bit curious, and mostly concerned, with how they'll portray the aforementioned aspects. There's a lot of wrong moves they could make with them, and I'll leave it at that. Right now, feel free to moonwalk to this instalment. Sure, you might save a lot of money by playing his greatest hits at home, but this one's visual aspects make it worthwhile. 

I'm going to stop now that I've had enough.

Cosmic Princess Kaguya!

 Cosmic Princess Kaguya! has been hanging around Netflix ever since January, but I didn’t have time for it then. Better late than never, I suppose.

Iroha Sakayori is a high-schooler living by herself in Tokyo. Between her schoolwork and odd jobs, she’s running on fumes by the time she finds a baby inside a utility pole. The guest ages rapidly into Iroha’s peer within a matter of days. It turns out she’s from the moon, much like Princess Kaguya from the ancient fairytale The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter. And Kaguya is what Iroha names her.

To keep Kaguya busy, Iroha introduces her to her favorite virtual world, Tsukuyomi. Its virtual administrator, Yachiyo Runami, announces that the most popular streamers will get to perform a concert with her. Kaguya gets Iroha team up as a streaming duo to win that contest. Overtime, Kaguya and Iroha become besties, perhaps more.

Meanwhile, Kaguya’s fellow Lunarians want to take her away, which is how the fairytale ended. This Kaguya doesn’t want her story to end like that. But will her friends be able to defy her destiny? There’s also much more to Yachiyo than meets the eye…

The main draw of Shingo Yamashita’s directorial debut is Iroha and Kaguya’s relationship. I’m sure you’ve probably seen a Manic Pixie Dream Girl relationship before. But how many of them are based on ancient folklore? Seriously, they have great chemistry, even when Kaguya indirectly irritates Iroha. They spend most of the movie hanging out together, sometimes with Iroha's gal pals, Roka & Mami, which is pretty fun. Deep into the film, when they start holding hands, you’ll be hoping their tale ends differently. Without this endearing relationship, the film’s needlessly massive 142-minute runtime would have been unendurable.

So, why else the long runtime? There are a few epic online battles, most notably one set in a tower-defense game called Kassen and one against the Lunarians during Kaguya’s last concert, which go on for quite a while. The latter battle, which adapts the fairytale’s climax, results in the most viciously convincing fake-out ending I’ve ever seen. Just when it makes you think it's over … turns out there’s a half-hour left! It then runs on fumes for the final stretch, as we get stuff like a timey-wimey ball thrown in. They really should've been folded in earlier. That said, Yachiyo's big secret makes some decent sense.

Our heroines' streaming rivals are a trio called Black OnyX, whose leader, Akira Mikado, is Iroha's IRL brother. He's pretty important to the plot, but his buddies - the brothers Rai and Noi Komazawa - are mostly just there. We don't even get to see the Komazawas IRL until the epilogue! They're still pretty decent guys, though. Iroha and Mikado's mother is fine, though we also don't get to see much of her. The same goes for Kaguya and Yachiyo's virtual buddies, InuDOGE & Fuji - there's a reason why I grouped them together. I think I've covered all the characters.

Composer Hiroaki "Conisch" Konishi gives us a nifty techno-traditional score. I must point to the intro, when we're introduced to Tsukuyomi, as a major highlight. The numerous songwriters are all associated with Vocaloid, which are personified voice synthesizers/virtual pop stars (they had a movie last year - Colorful Stage! - which I skipped.). I probably would gravitate to these peppy songs more if I wasn't too old. I still liked the production design for Tsukuyomi, with its futuristic feudal Japan aesthetics and animal-esque avatars. The Lunarians are so unearthly, in more ways than one, that they own their limited screentime. Much more appealing are the film's bright color palette, as well as our heroines exaggerated facial expressions. 

Cosmic Princess Kaguya! is a long sit, so I hope you make yourself comfy. Just focus on its two heroines and you'll be fine. Nobody is detestable, not even the Lunarians, so there's that. With Colorful Stage! now on home media, maybe I might review it this year, too. But I think I have another musical extravaganza on the docket. I'll give you a hint - it's not an anime.

That's it for now.

Scarlet

 You know, I didn't want Mamoru Hosoda's latest anime epic, Scarlet, to straggle on my review calendar. I was hoping to review it last December, when Sony promised it would come out on the twelfth. But then ...

1. Its wide release went to February 6th.

2. When that day came, it was only available in one theater with two showings a day. One in the afternoon, the other late at night. Said theater is nearly an hour's bus ride, and my local bus system doesn't run all day.

3. On the following week - its actual, for real, wide release date - it still didn't play near me. And that one theater? It didn't have it anymore!

4. Which leads me once again to Amazon, which finally knocked down the rental price after a month.

The Review

In this take on Hamlet, Princess Scarlet (Erin Yvette in the dub) of Denmark lived a happy life with her father, the Good King Amleth (Fred Tatasciore). How good is he? When his evil brother, Claudius (David Kaye), has him executed on treason, nobody buys the charges. Scarlet then bides her time to avenge her father's foul and most unnatural murder. Unfortunately, when she finally gets the chance, Claudius hoists her by her own poisoned cup. 

Scarlet finds herself in The Otherworld, which is pretty much limbo for souls across time and space. Claudius is here too, and he’s looking for the literal stairway to heaven. But if Scarlet can kill him again beforehand, he’ll fade into literal nothingness. Scarlet sets out to do just that. Along the way, she meets Hijiri (Chris Hackney), a pacifist paramedic from modern day Japan. Scarlet's quest for vengeance is thrown for a loop once she hears her father's last word: "forgive." She'll have to figure out what that means before she fades into nothingness as well.

If there’s any reason to watch it, it’s for the visuals. The technical detail in The Otherworld and its domains is nothing short of awe-inspiring. The infinite desertscape is just as striking as the gateway to infinity. The sky looks like an ocean, where a thunderous, vaguely explained dragon, flies through. The character animation, a blend of 3D and 2D aesthetics, is a bit rough, but it’s easy to get used to it. Meanwhile, the land of the living is animated in a more recognizable and colorful 2D style. Taisei Iwasaki's ethereal - sometimes haunting - score fits right in with the visuals, even if they're often overshadowed by the sound effects. 

Because it has a hard time explaining itself. Why Claudius is suddenly in The Otherworld is a mystery that's somewhat solved in the coda. But how did he build his own Kingdom of the Undead so suddenly? How did Amleth's four executioners wind up in The Otherworld too? On whose side Scarlet & Hijiri on when Claudius' undead army starts storming for Heaven? What's the deal with the old woman (Juanita Jennings) who pops in and out? And what exactly is the Dragon? Hosoda probably wants you to figure them out for yourself. But even the smartest viewers might have a hard time wrapping their heads around the nature of Amleth's last words. After all the glorious fighting and Claudius being such a despot while alive, Scarlet forgiving him is a bit narratively underwhelming. I say a bit, because it leads to an interestingly proactive take on Hamlet Act 3, Scene 3.

It's pretty easy to get behind Scarlet's quest for vengeance. On the one hand, she and Amleth share an endearing father-daughter relationship in the brief screentime they have. On the other hand, Scarlet's quest hasn't diminished her capacity for kindness, as evidenced by her interactions with a refugee girl. She and Hijiri have great chemistry together, even if it's somewhat hobbled by the screenplay. Midway through, Scarlet sees herself dancing with Hijiri in his time in an actual musical number (Aaron Encinas sings for Hijiri). As odd as it is, it's still one of their best moments together, with a close second being their last. Again, a better fleshed out script could have made it perfect.

The film's renditions of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern (Ian Cardoni & Michael Yurchak) are as dopey as they are legitimately creepy. They're responsible for one of the film's biggest gut punches; the other one is the manner of Hijiri's mortal death. Queen Gertrude (Michelle Wong), despite being practically complicit in Claudius's coup, just frowns around for most of the film. It kind of makes it funny when she runs off at the end. Voltemand & Cornelius (Jamieson Price & Tatasciore), the more sympathetic of Amleth's executioners, make for pretty good allies. The other two executioners, Polonius & Laertes (Jason Marnocha & Yuri Lowenthal), are practically unrecognizable from Hamlet, but are still decent bad guys.

Despite its imperfections, I'm at least relieved to have finally seen Scarlet. Sure, it doesn't live up to Mirai or especially Belle, but it still exemplifies Hosoda's technical prowess. It's worth checking out at least once, specifically on the biggest screen you have. You'll understand why once you see The Otherworld. I think I've said enough.

The Drama

 It’s been a few weeks now since The Drama came out, which is probably enough time for its “big twist” to become public knowledge. I guess it’s about as good as time to check it out, so let’s do it.

Kristoffer Borgli (Dream Scenario) introduces us to Charlie (Robert Pattinson) and Emma (Zendaya) as they “meet cute” at a Boston Coffee Shop. A few years later, it’s T-Minus one week before their wedding. Charlie has writers block over his big speech, but that pales in comparison to its big twist. That comes during a night out with fellow couple Rachel (Alana Haim) and Mike (Mamoudou Athie), the maid of honor and best man respectively. Rachel proposes that they all share their worst deeds. 

Mike’s ex provoked a stray dog, so he used her as a human shield. Charlie “might’ve” cyberbullied a classmate out of town. Rachel locked a “slow” neighbor in an abandoned RV for days. Emma planed a school shooting, but ultimately backed out for …

Wait, what?!

The big twist touches a raw nerve for Rachel, whose cousin Sam (Anna Baryshnikov) was paralyzed in an actual attack. Charlie crumbles under the weight of Emma’s potential dark side. Mike is just there, though he's a good guy. Anyway, everyone’s just going to have to get through the week, somehow. But will Charlie and Emma even have a happily wedded life afterwards? Yeah, that twist is a lot to take in, isn't it?

Besides the twist, we also have Borgli & Joshua Raymond Lee’s disorienting editing style to consider. It likes to jump back and forth between time in short bursts. It also likes to make us question if we’re watching reality or proverbial imagination. It’s definitely the latter, for instance, when Charlie imagines the younger Emma (Jordyn Curet) in the present one’s place (I don’t know why). They and the audience are haunted by disturbing hallucinations, including a wedding day shooting. It’s such a chronological frenzy that, when the big day happens, I was briefly unsure if it was for real. Its narrative unease is accentuated by a stellar technical crew, especially composer Daniel Pemberton, cinematographer Arseni Khachaturan and the sound designers.

Amongst the main four, I found Emma to be the most sympathetic. While Rachel was very justified in being upset, Emma was the only one at the table who was remotely remorseful for her actions (everyone else, including Rachel, brushed theirs off with essentially "we were young and stupid."). She ultimately backed out of her plot for a somewhat selfish reason, though a little more narrative tissue could've easily strengthened it. Still, there are some great laughs when an uncooperative computer disrupts her filming her manifesto. She and Charlie also have some great chemistry together, especially during the bittersweet, yet hopeful ending.

What else do we have here? There's a wedding photographer who frames a session with a very unfortunate choice of words. Sam, in her only real scene, shares it with Charlie, and they're pretty good together. Misha (Hailey Gates), Charlie's co-worker, is quite sympathetic when she gets roped into this mess. Her boyfriend, Blake (Michael Abbott Jr.), factors into the wedding's disastrous conclusion. Charlie, by himself, gets his best scene when he atones for another misdeed and defends Emma during his big speech. Yeah, I think that's it.

So, do you want to RSVP to The Drama? It's not an easy film to like, especially with its big twist, but its hopeful finale might make it worth it. Sure, you probably might have other ways to spend 106-minutes, and I'll let you RSVP to those. As for me, I have to get through more reviews. The month is almost done, and this is my second?! Let's get going!

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie

So, I've been thinking.

With this movie being The Super Mario Galaxy Movie, where will they go from here? The Super Mario Land Movie and The Super Mario World Movie are certainly downgrades; maybe The Super Mario Odyssey Movie is next? But you probably want to know about this movie first. Let's a-go!

Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) are now successful plumbers in the Mushroom Kingdom. During a job, the Marios find Yoshi (Donald Glover), a green dino with quite the story to tell (too bad they don't understand it). After that, they head back for Princess Peach's (Anna Taylor-Joy) birthday party, which is where the plot finds them.

The evil Bowser Jr. (Benny Safdie) wants to break Bowser Sr. (Jack Black) out of his playset prison. He also wants to build a "Boomsday Cannon" to destroy disrespectful planets, for reasons, and he abducts Princess Rosalina (Brie Larson) to power it up. One of Rosalina's adopted star kids, a Luma, asks one Princess to help another, and she accepts. Bowser Jr. gets back his old man, while the Marios & Yoshi join Peach & Toad (Keegan-Michael Key) on their mission to Jr.'s base planet. That's basically it, and it's a lot.

What else do we have? We have some sparks fly between Mario and Peach; it's not much, but they're great together. You'd almost think that Bowser will turn over a new leaf when he saves the Marios & Yoshi from prison (long story). But he snaps back to evil once Bowser Jr. gets him back; but, again, they're great together. We also get King Wart (Luis Guzman) from Super Mario Bros. 2 and his minions. They're not even here for a villain team-up. Worst of all, there's a major revelation between the Princesses which lands with little fanfare. It should have had a bit more time to breathe.

So, is there anything plot related that worked? The Marios have more screentime together, all of it fun; Luigi and Yoshi surprisingly make good pals. Yoshi's recap of his adventures since he hatched in the last film's stinger is a great gag. Some of its best battle scenes include Peach and Toad's battle in Wart's Casino planet, as well as the final battle with the Bowsers. Some of its most amusing cameos include some roboticized Minions, R.O.B. the Robot (Ed Skudder) and even the Pikmin. Standing above them, however, is Fox McCloud (Glen Powell) of Star Fox, whom Peach hires as a pilot. His cool personality, energetic origin scene, and flight prowess is enough to make one want a Star Fox movie. 

The different locales in this movie's Galaxy look great. Besides Wart's planet and The Mushroom Kingdom, we also get the Honeyhive Galaxy (three guesses to why it's called that); Tostarena (where the Marios meet Yoshi); the Gateway Galaxy (a universal hub); and Planet Bowser. Planet Bowser is home to my favorite gag, where Bowser Jr. watches Mario and Peach brave his death traps in 8-Bit form! As with the first movie, it makes great use of game power-ups, sound effects, and Koji Kondo's soundtrack into Brian Tyler's score. The plot may be too busy to make sense, but at least Illumination's technical goodness is still there.

All in all, The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is a harmless time. This is clearly made for younger filmgoers, particularly those who have kept up with newer Mario games. They'll have fun catching the references, while their savvy parents might have fun helping them with others. If they can understand the plot better than me, that's fine. I'll certainly give this another go once it hits home media, especially since my screening's projector gave out when the credits started. I'll be waiting.

GAME OVER (FOR NOW)

They Will Kill You

With a title like this, I must have found the feel-good movie of the year.

I mean, everyone likes ironic titles, don't they?

Well, Bo, if you like to see evil rich cultists get what they deserve, then They Will Kill You will make you feel good. If you're not sure if you want to see evil rich cultists punished, again and again, read this review.

Okay.

For his English-language debut, Russian director Kirill Sokolov (Why Don't You Just Die!) introduces us to Asia Reeves (Zazie Beetz), who arrives at The Virgil, a decrepit Manhattan hotel, to find work and her sister, Maria (Myha'la). Ten years earlier, Asia shot their abusive dad and went to prison, while Maria remained with him. The Virgil was Maria's last known whereabouts. The aforementioned rich cultists, led by the Irish Lilith (Patricia Arquette), welcome their new maid by trying to kill her that night.

Unfortunately for them, Asia's prison time has toughened her up, and she easily slaughters her attackers (the most notable ones are Heather Graham's Sharon & Tom Felton's Kevin). But then they pull themselves back together. The Virgil's residents are Satanists who have made a deal with His Evilness (who eventually shows up in a surprising avatar, voiced by James Remar) for immortality, just as long as they provide human sacrifices. Like Asia. Asia finds Maria, so it's now only a matter of finding an exit. How many times will she have to kill everyone before she finds it?

So, it's like if The Bride from Kill Bill got dropped into Rosemary's Baby?

Yes, that's basically it. 

I already feel great thinking about it.

Yeah, the film's outlandish violence feels cathartic for anyone shaken up by Rosemary's Baby. Watch as the cultists get hacked, slashed, blown to pieces, blown across the room, attacked with a flaming ax, and even punched out. Again, and again. It's a bit repetitive, and I kind of zoned out near the end, but its indulgent action is still worth a laugh or three. Thankfully, it's only ninety-four minutes long, so it doesn't wear out its welcome.

The immortality thankfully keeps potentially interesting villains from going to waste after one scene. However, as I said above, Sharon & Kevin are among the only interesting villains. Their childish bickering is entertaining, especially when she has to bicker with him headless. Her literal wandering eye is more memorable than most of the other cultists, including an elderly doctor and his wife, whose actors are somewhere in the credits. About the only other memorable villains include Lilith, due to her bombastic personality and questionable accent, and Damien, the little brat whom Asia punches out.

Let's talk about the good guys. You'll be impressed with Asia's determination as she shakes off many a grievous injury. Nothing will stop her from reaching Maria, which she does halfway through the movie. It's easy to empathize with the sisters once they emotionally unpack. But after all the violence, the midway twist doesn't land with the necessary force. Still, a subsequent heroic sacrifice somewhat makes it worth it. The sisters have a reliable mentor figure in Ray (Patterson Joseph), Lilith's husband and The Virgil's only good resident. He's quite compelling as he repents for his cult participation. 

The Virgil, as designed by Jeremy Reed, looks like an art-deco take on the Overlook Hotel. While Asia doesn't run into random ghosts, she runs into some nifty hallways with choice decorations. We see a few random floors which cater to certain sins, as if this was The Divine Comedy (I gotta kick myself for not recognizing the allusion to Virgil, Dante's guide in the poem). It gets claustrophobic as she, Maria, and Ray travel through vents, and the screen tightens around them, as if it was a video game. The final boss fight takes place in a spooky freezer. 

What else do we have? The outside world doesn't stop raining until the very end. That's right, a total downpour from prologue until before epilogue! I'm surprised the world didn't flood, but I digress. The soundtrack consists of a wonderfully imposing score by Carlos Rafael Rivera, and a few spunky needle-drops. Both parts are good, even if the mood whiplash is beyond noticeable.

It's not a very nuanced movie. If all you want is cartoonish ultraviolence, They Will Kill You might suit you fine. If you want something deep, read the actual The Divine Comedy. You'll be fine as long as you specify your expectations. Or you can ignore me and watch Ready or Not 2, which also just came out and also has two sisters fight rich Satanists. Either way, that's it for this month, and I'll start the next one with something more family friendly.

Project Hail Mary

Over a decade after Matt Damon scienced out of Mars, Ryan Gosling sciences the sun out of oblivion in Project Hail Mary, another film screenwriter Drew Goddard adapted from an Andy Weir novel. Let's see what I thought about Phil Lord & Chris Miller's results.

Ryland Grace (Gosling) wakes up on the spaceship Hail Mary, woozy and amnesiac. He soon realizes that he's been sent to stop the microscopic Astrophage from blotting out the sun within thirty-years. Since the Astrophage haven't touched the local star Tau Centi, the Braintrust figured out that a solution is over there. Everyone else is dead, so it's up to Grace to save the day ...

He's not alone for long. An alien spaceship shows up, and Grace makes first contact with its lone occupant, a rock-spider from the Eridani Star System, whom he names Rocky (James Ortiz). The Eridians also have an Astrophage problem, so Rocky and Grace team up to save their planets. It doesn't take long for the two of them to communicate and survive in each other's atmospheres. But one misstep could fumble it all up. 

Throughout the film, Grace’s life on Earth unfolds in flashbacks as he pieces together his mission. A big chunk of it has Grace try to convince Braintrust head Eva Stratt (Sandra Hüller) that he's the wrong man for the job ("the not in Astronaut."). His whole mystery pretty much hinges on how they got him aboard. You'll be stunned by the answer, but it takes quite a while to get there, considering that this movie is 156 minutes long. It often feels longer, especially in its forty-minutes, where we have mostly just Grace by himself. We get to know his human co-starts a bit better down the line. While the cold, yet sympathetic Stratt is easily the standout, the doomed crewmates are mostly just there.

You can probably infer that Rocky is this film’s biggest asset, and you’d be right. Sure, Gosling’s performance is fun, which makes the slowness bearable, but it’s even better with Rocky. While their first contact is treated with reverence, everything else is mostly played for laughs once he and we get to know Rocky's exuberant personality. t’s pretty refreshing with how the two of them become friends and allies. They have no time for extensive quibbles, other than slight culture shock, or even a third-act misunderstanding. I call this tone optimistically pragmatic. Their chemistry is all the more tangible due to Rocky being an on-set puppet, with little digital touch-ups. You’ll be moved when the two of them risk their lives to save the other.

Let’s talk about the technicals a bit more. With Greig Fraser as the cinematographer, we’re treated to perhaps the most stunning depiction of space since Interstellar. The first appearance of Rocky’s gigantic ship against the relatively small Hail Mary is a highlight. Its other highlight is Grace’s spacewalk above the glowing green planet Tau Ceti e (aka Adrian). The spaceship designs are pretty neat, especially with their practical sets designed by Charlie Wood. Rocky's native chirping is the most unforgettable part of the sound design, even if everyone can't stand it. Even better on the ears is the soundtrack, which consists of an epic Daniel Pemberton score and a few fun needle drops.

If only the real world was as optimistically pragmatic as Project Hail Mary. Despite its issues, its technical goodness, Gosling's performance, and delightful tone, make it worth the space odyssey. It's way better than taking in the day's usual news. You have to see it on the biggest screen you can find and make it soon. I think I said enough.

The Alabama Solution

For some reason, Google thought that I posted this review in 1969. Here is my second, more successful attempt, to post it.

 The Alabama Solution, one of this year’s nominated Documentaries, was the other Oscar contender I saw on Saturday. I’ve been way late on this review, so let’s get into it.

It started innocently enough in 2019. Directors Andrew Jarecki and Charlotte Kaufman - the former a previous nominee for Capturing the Friedmans - were invited to film a revival at Easterling Correctional Facility in Alabama. The inmates approached them with horrific stories about their living conditions. They were tragically validated when prisoner Steven Davis was beaten to death by guards led by Roderick Gadson, allegedly when he tried to shiv them. 

A few other prisoners filmed those conditions with contraband cellphones. Their footage makes up a significant chunk of this documentary. The filmmakers also chronicle the 2022 prison strike, organized by inmate activists Robert Earl Council (aka Kinetik Justice) and Melvin Ray. Outside of prison, Davis's mother Sandy seeks justice, while Gov. Kay Ivey insists Alabama can solve their prison problem itself (which leads into the title). "When's that going to be?" you'll probably ask. The obvious answer is not soon enough.

It's an intentionally infuriating, and also captivating, profile of systemic corruption. The filmmakers first learn of Steven Davis when he's brought into the ICU; he's dead by the time they get there. They interview several inmates, including Davis’s cellmate, James Sales, as the guards breathe down their necks. It’s so tense that you’ll fear the worst happening mid-interview. What makes it worse is the revelation of the guards’ absolute authority over those who step even an inch out of line. Sales himself was murdered, with the State refusing to look into it further (Natural Causes, my foot).

The inside footage gives us an invaluable perspective into the inmates' daily lives. We actually see them getting beaten, the aftermath of an overdose or two, living with vermin, and generally living in misery. Whatever crimes they've committed, which they don't sugarcoat, aren't deserving of this punishment. Early on, we learn that Alabama's 14 prisons operate at 200% capacity with about the third of required staff. We also learn that these prisons have some of the highest murder, overdose and suicide rates in the nation. It just makes the news anchors we hear mocking the inmates during the strike all the more unsympathetic.

There has been talk - serious talk - of reform after The Alabama Solution. Alabama recently started construction on some "mega-prisons;" that's a start, but it doesn't take long to realize its likeliest problems. Once you experience this film, you'll be hoping for much more than that. Just because it is no longer Oscar season doesn't mean this documentary is irrelevant. Check it out on HBOMax, and you'll be shocked to see what its filmmakers have uncovered. It's time for a new movie year...

The Ugly Stepsister

 I saw two different Oscar nominees this past Saturday.

First up, The Ugly Stepsister, a Norwegian take on Cinderella directed by first-timer Emilie Blichfeldt. It premiered early last year, and it probably wouldn’t have registered on my radar had it not been shortlisted - then nominated - for Best Makeup and Hairstyling. Let’s finally look at it.

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Swedlandia, there lived a widow named Rebekka (Ane Dahl Torp), and her two daughters, Elvira (Lea Myren) and Alma (Flo Fagerli). One day, Rebekka marries Otto, a widower with his own daughter, Agnes (Thea Sofie Loch Næss). Otto immediately croaks; afterwards, Rebekka realizes that she and he were equally broke. Rebekka decides to give Elvira a makeover so that Prince Julian (Isac Calmroth) will choose her at the upcoming ball.

Agnes, whom you might have guessed is this movie’s Cinderella, has her dead mother helping her out. Elvira, meanwhile, is subjected to early beauty treatments. From getting her nose chiseled into shape to swallowing a tapeworm, Elvira hopes that her long road to beauty will be worth it. You already know how the fairytale's going to end, but Elvira still wants her happy ending. Prince Julian is a detestable cad, but Elvira doesn't seem to care ...

Its grotesque deconstruction of beauty may bring to mind The Substance. It’s not as overwhelming as that, but it’s still nastier in ways that The Brothers Grimm probably never thought to take Aschenputtel. Beauty is Pain, according to Elvira's surgeon (Adam Lundgren), and she hurts a lot. It gets even more horrific if you're already familiar with early beauty practices - like foot-binding. It gets especially absurd in the climax. Its makeup team, headed by Oscar-nominees Thomas Foldberg and Anne Cathrine Sauerberg, truly shine when they depict Elvira’s deterioration by tapeworm. Let's just say that it works too well for her.

It gets easy on the eyes and ears when it wants to, though. Elvira's rose-tinted daydreams of Prince Julian, even after we meet the real him, are pretty amusing. While the climax is brutal, it's also wonderfully edited and shot as Elvira ineffectually rushes to get to Julian first. The Royal Page accidentally taking Elvira's name as "Von Stepsister" is one of the film's best and cleanest jokes. The elaborate sets and costumes, designed by Sabine Hviid and Manon Rasmussen, would fit in with a more conventional Cinderella story. Jon Erik Kaada and Vilde Tuv's energetic synth score probably wouldn't, but it's still a fun listen.

A lot of the characters - namely Rebekka, Julian & his buddies, and even headmistress Ms. Sophie (Cecelia Forss) - have some ugly personalities. Rebekka goes without saying, Ms. Sophie provides the tapeworm (after she says it's on the inside that counts), and Julian & his buddies are repulsive. Agnes is a lot more arrogant than Cinderella usually is, but you can't blame her for being upset as Rebekka spends more on Elvira's "beauty" than a funeral for Otto. Oh, by the way, Otto spends most of the movie rotting away in his castle (it's also not pretty). Thankfully, it's not only easy to sympathize with Elvira's ordeal, but with Alma as she looks to escape this nightmare. You'll definitely be hoping for a happy ending for them.

Well, in case you're interested, The Ugly Stepsister is ready to scream on your favorite service. One of them, Shudder, is its main distributor, while Hulu is where I went to. It's not for everyone, but it's still a unique take on a long-told tale. Still, I won't blame you if you seek more conventional Cinderellas. I've said enough.

2025 Animated Oscar Shorts

And now, you get to see what I thought about this year’s Oscar-nominated Animated Shorts, with one extra.

The Three Sisters (Dir. Konstantin Bronzit) - Once upon a time, there were three sisters who lived in three houses, packed together on their own tiny island. They rent out one of their houses after they lose all their money in a fight with seagulls. Enter a gruff sailor, whom one of the sisters likes … as do the others. That’s basically it, but it’s still good fun. It’s pretty charming as we see the sisters’ lives brighten with the sailor around (he finds their money!). It’s got some great gags, often punctuated by the sailor’s “heh!” (his only “dialogue,” provided by Bronzit himself). Its sound design is unusually appealing, while its final twist is cleverly amusing. It’s one of my choices for the award.

Forevergreen (Dir. Nathan Engelhardt and Jeremy Spears) - An orphaned bear cub is adopted by a living tree. The tree raises the cub on seeds and love. The cub is led astray by potato chips and garbage and accidentally starts a forest fire. The tree makes the ultimate sacrifice. It’s got a unique wood-carving CGI style, though apparently there’s some practical animation in there (I couldn’t tell where). Its characters are likable, even when the cub goes through his potato chip phase. Some might find it a bit heavy-handed, especially with it closing on a certain Biblical quote, but it’s still a sweet story.

The Girl Who Cried Pearls (Dir. Chris Lavis and Maciek Szczerbowski) - An old man (Colm Feore) tells his granddaughter about his days as a poor orphan in Montreal. Back then, he lived next to a family consisting of an old man, his evil wife, and his daughter from his first marriage, the titular girl. He sold her tears to a crooked pawnbroker, who told him to fetch some more, even if it meant making her cry himself. 

It’s artistically exquisite, from the elaborate sets to the super-smooth stop-motion characters. Its engaging story has us question the fantastical narrative with a late twist. But the twist mostly flew past me, while others might purposefully ignore it. The narrator says he made the girl smile with a box of chocolates; the emotionless puppets in the flashbacks don’t let us see it for ourselves. That’s the only thing that took me out of the short. It’s still a minor quibble in this unforgettable short.

At this point, the program warned its audience that the following nominees weren’t family friendly.

Butterfly (Dir. Florence Miailhe) - A short biopic of French swimmer Alfred Nakache. He competed in the 1936 Berlin Olympics, ostracized as an Algerian Jew, banned from competing after the Nazis took over France, and ultimately sent to Auschwitz with his wife and daughter. He made it out - his family didn’t - and competed in the 1948 London Olympics. His memories, visualized by stunning glass paintings, literally flow by as he swims in the ocean. They tell a powerful narrative; one highlight being when his teammates walked off with him after his ban (what humanity). It’s enough to get one interested in a full-length biopic, even if it would lack this one’s artistry. This is the current critical favorite for the award, and you’ll understand why once you see it for yourself (which you can on YouTube via the Jewish Film Institute).

Retirement Plan (Dir. John Kelly) - Ray (Domhnall Gleeson), an old man, narrates about everything he wants to do when he retires. And everything he’d like to do. And everything he’d like to persuade himself that he’d like. Once he realizes what that entails. And, just for fun, what he’d like to do when he’s dead. It’s the most simplistic short in the lineup, both artistically and lengthily (seven minutes). And yet, it’s the most relatable. Ray’s monologue will have one reflecting on the state of their lives, especially if they’re anywhere close to his presumed age. Him planning to haunt an old school enemy prevents this from ending on a downer. This is my other choice for the award.

And, unlike last year, there was one runner-up in the program. This one was family friendly.

Eiru (Dir. Giovanna Ferrari) - This offering from Cartoon Saloon played in some theaters with Little Amelie (not mine, unfortunately). In it, Eiru, a young Viking girl, wants to be the biggest, baddest of them all. But her already giant kinsmen agree that she’s not there yet. When their well dries up, Eiru is small enough to go down there and investigate. She and two other kids from neighboring tribes find magic down there. It's got some splendid art direction, likable characters (even Eiru's boorish kinsmen), and some good points in its nine minutes. A few things might make the most sense if you share Cartoon Saloon's affinity for Irish mythology. As with Butterfly, it's enough to get one interested in a feature expansion. But right now, I'm interested in seeing it again. The sooner the better.

Maybe I’ll get to another nominee before Sunday. Maybe not. But that’s all for now.

2025 Documentary Oscar Shorts

 My local theater got the Oscar Short Packages really late this year. I already dealt with this year’s live-action lineup, so here are the documentaries:

Perfectly a Strangeness (Dir. Alison McAlpine): Three donkeys - Palermo, Roberto and Palaye - walk around La Silla Observatory in Chile. They just live their lives, while we view the desert, especially when illuminated by the night sky (filmed by Nicolas Canniccioni). Its story isn’t tangible, by human standards, but it’s still charming. The donkeys are enjoyable, while the imagery is nothing less than stunning. It’s easily the biggest crowd-pleaser of the bunch, even if by default. Everything else is heavy:

The Devil is Busy (Dir. Geeta Gandbhir and Christalyn Hampton) - A Day in the life of an Atlanta women’s health clinic, as its staff - including security chief Tracii - navigate a post-Roe v Wade world. 

Gandbhir, already nominated for The Perfect Neighbor, spotlights some of the staff, such as their receptionist, an OBGYN, and especially Tracii herself. How they deal with the State’s narrow time limit & violent protesters potentially lurking around humanize the subject. Tracii's history is especially sobering. These stories make the clinic's frequent protesters - the kind who preach fire and brimstone - all the more unsympathetic. This short might help one reflect on their own past views on the subject. Its timely story might make it an easy winner, but there's a good case for the next two.

Armed Only with A Camera: The Life and Death of Brent Renaud (Dir. Brent & Craig Renaud) - Documentarian and Photojournalist Brent Renaud was killed in Ukraine shortly into Russia’s invasion. His brother, Craig, and producer Juan Arredondo (who was injured in the fatal attack) eulogize him here. 

Brent gets a co-director credit since it presents his footage from around the world (like Haiti after the Earthquake). That’s augmented by home movies of him growing up, playing with his dog as an adult, and his survivors preparing his funeral. His life with autism makes his story especially relatable. By the time it got to the funeral, where the pastor title drops during his eulogy, I already knew my choice. All in all, it's a pretty emotional tribute to a man who meant so much to others. 

All The Empty Rooms (Dir. Joshua Seftel) - CBS’s Steve Hartman and Photographer Lou Bopp travel around the US to photograph the bedrooms of school shooting victims. The short has them visit their last three destinations (so far). During which, we're presented some compelling profiles of these rooms' occupants. They're all moving tributes to not just who they were, but who they could have been. It's equally interesting to see Hartman deal with the stress of his "side project," which often has him away from his family. It's enough to get me interested to see the actual CBS story this all led to (which is briefly spotlighted here). It's also sobering to think about how this social problem still persists to this day. 

Children No More: “Were and Are Gone” (Dir. Hilla Medalia) - We follow a group of activists, who hold weekly silent vigils in Tel Aviv to memorialize the Palestinian kids killed in the Gaza war. They press on despite the often-vocal outrage of passersby. It's a sobering subject, but it's also admirable to see them commit to their cause. Their methods seem pretty reasonable, even as their hecklers' responses are anything but that. It gets tense as they're forced to disband mid-vigil - which is quite common. Some of its most poignant anecdotes are on how the organizers find info about each victim. If there's any flaw, it's that it's not too thorough about the victims (as the last two shorts were about their subjects). But overall, I think it's just fine.

You can expect to hear about the Animated Shorts before the ceremony.

The Bride!

 Next month, Warner Bros gets a shot at reinventing The Mummy, nearly a decade after Universal’s Dark Universe debacle. This month, Warner Bros gets its shot at reinventing The Bride of Frankenstein, which is now The Bride! Here she comes, as re-imagined by Maggie Gyllenhaal…

Mary Shelley herself appears in the afterlife. She introduces us to Ida, who like her, is played by Jessie Buckley. She’s a Chicago gal during the Great Depression who parties with dangerous men, including mob boss Lupino (Zlatko Burić). But then, Mary herself possesses Ida for some weirdness, which ends when one of Ida’s acquaintances accidentally pushes her down the stairs. It should be noted that Shelley herself featured in the original The Bride of Frankenstein; needless to say, that film’s framing device was much less bonkers.

Meanwhile, Mr. Frankenstein (Christian Bale) comes to town looking for love. He gets Dr. Euphronius (Annette Benning) to dig up a corpse to reanimate, which happens to be Ida’s. Frank gaslights her into becoming his bride. Before long, they’re running around the country like an un-dead Bonnie and Clyde. Still, Frank would rather imagine himself as his favorite movie star, Ronnie Reed (Jake Gyllenhaal), than rob banks. The police are still on their trail, though. 

What else do we also have here? There's a pair of screwball comedy detectives, Jake Wiles (Peter Sarsgaard) and Myrna Mallow (Penelope Cruz), leading the investigation. There's Lupino's creepy fascination with tongues (don't ask). The Bride inspires a social movement. The Frankensteins are chased out of a movie house by an actual torches-and-pitchforks mob. At one point, they even possess a crowd for a dance number set to a Jazzy rendition of Puttin' on the Ritz (yes, really). Its wild mood swings make some of its dramatic points and important themes hard to care about. Lupino, despite being a justifiably threatening big bad, is bizarrely left on the narrative sidelines for most of it (thankfully, he gets his comeuppance in the mid-credits).

With Oscar voting having closed yesterday, this oft-kilter movie won't do anything to affect the Oscar chances of Buckley and Del Toro's Frankenstein. If nothing else, it might validate Buckley's upcoming award. Her bombastic performance as The Bride, which sees her wildly mood swing and monologue, is truly impressive. As for Frank himself, Bale's cockney thug is an interesting contrast to Elordi's nominated eloquent Creature. It's delightful watching him appeal to Euphronius's nature as a card-carrying mad scientist when they undertake the plan. The Frankensteins' relationship is hard to follow at times, but it's mostly all right. Jake's relationship with Ida, however, is a revelation that's just there.

A few key personnel from the Joker movies, Lawrence Sher and Hildur Guðnadóttir, are on the staff here. It's easy to recognize the similarities, from The Frankensteins' dynamic to their splendidly gritty world. Guðnadóttir's haunting score is exquisite, while some impressive CGI helps augment Karen Murphy's practical sets. The makeup team and Sandy Powell collaborate nicely to create The Bride's wild look. There's a slightly amusing running gag about red hair, alluding to Elsa Lanchester's actual on-set hair color in The Bride of Frankenstein. It's still neat trivia, though.

You can walk down the box-office aisle if you want. If anything, The Bride is a film that needs to be seen to be believed, though you might not believe it afterwards. It's a weird movie, for sure, but there should have been some concise method to its madness. If you like it better than me, then that's fine. I'll respect that. But I got to get to the next reviews.

2025 Live-Action Oscar Shorts

 All five of this year’s Oscar-nominated shorts are available to watch legally. Only one of them I had to pay for (it wasn’t much). Here they are:

The Singers (Dir. Sam A. Davis) - Based on Ivan Gugenev’s short story, we see a bunch of guys in a bar drinking away. One guy (Will Harrington) keeps pestering the other barflies for change. So, the bartender (Mike Young) offers him a free beer and 100 bucks if he out-sings one of his other regulars - an old man (Chris Smither). The same goes for everyone else. A few surprising challengers emerge. That’s basically it. 

Nobody here has a name, so I had to look up the cast to put names to faces. It’s still easy to like these guys even without the luxury of exposition. They not only have a way with playful insults but a way with music as well. The Bartender’s mournful rendition of Unchained Melody moves his barflies to embrace him; he might just move you too. One other contender bows out before anyone can hear him, which is kind of a bummer. The film ending on another contender joining in might just be its best joke (second best is a cameo by Billy the Bass). You’ll just have to see it for yourself.

Where to Watch: Netflix

Jane Austen’s Period Drama (Dir. Julia Aks and Sam Pinder) - At the climax of an Austen-pastiche, the dashing Mr. Dickley (Ta'imua) proposes to Ms. Essie Talbot (Aks). There’s just one thing standing in their way - it’s her time of the month. Unfamiliar with this matter, Dickley assumes the worst, and rushes her home to her family for treatment. Her sisters (Samantha Start & Nicole Alyse Nelson) encourage her to play up her injuries for sympathy. Essie tries another approach - communication. It’s super-effective!

You’d be surprised how enjoyable this seemingly one-joke film is. Its farcical plot, which includes Essie and her sisters arguing over whether to kill a chicken, is hysterical. The side characters, like their father (Hugo Armstrong), are all enjoyable. Mr. Dickley is a handsome dunce, but he’s sweet-natured and eager to learn. But it’s also quite insightful - everything clears up easily once Essie explains this truth nobody wants to universally acknowledge. It’s a good way to keep the joke from going too long, but it’s also a great way to promote proper communication between couples.

I had my eye on this short once I saw it on December’s shortlist. If, for no other reason, than a relatively recent Documentary Short Winner - 2018’s Period. End of Sentence. They were willing to award a film on this topic before, and with this one’s unique premise, I figured they might do so again. I was right they’d nominate it. Let’s see if they’ll go all the way.

Where to Watch: Aks’ Youtube

A Friend of Dorothy (Dir. Lee Knight) - One day, 87-year-old Dorothy (Miriam Margolyes) meets 17-year-old J.J. (Alistair Nwachukwu) when he kicks his football (the UK kind, so Soccer) into her garden. Realizing that he’s an aspiring actor, Dorothy lets J.J. read from her play collection. He soon becomes her good friend until the very end. When the short opens, J.J. and Dorothy’s grandson Scott (Oscar Lloyd) attend the reading of her will, where both get a few surprises.

This is a relatively simple feel-good short. Margoyles is quite the character as Dorothy, while newcomer Nwachukwu is quite likable as J.J. It’s so nice to see their inter-generational friendship play out. Them bonding over plays was especially appealing to me since I also collect published plays. I’d probably feel right at home there. That aside, it seems narratively incomplete, with it bypassing anything close to Dorothy’s last day. Still, what I saw was enough to interest me in a possible feature adaptation. I’m sure you might feel the same. Buckle up, because the next shorts aren’t that crowd-pleasing.

Where to Watch: Attitude Magazine on Youtube

Butcher’s Stain (Dir. Meyer Levinson-Blount) - Shortly into the recent Israel-Hamas war, Samir (Omar Sameer), a supermarket butcher, is summoned to the manager’s office. It seems somebody keeps knocking down the posters featuring the Israeli hostages in the break room. Everyone suspects the Arab Israeli Samir as that somebody. He decides to get to the bottom of this mystery. 

This topically relevant short might seem like the obvious winner. Then again, that mindset was why I underestimated the last two winners’ chances. Still, it’s a pretty suspenseful short as we’re left wondering if Samir will find the culprit, or if he’ll fly off the handle before he can. We’re given a few suspects, such as a smug co-worker (Levinson-Blount), but we ultimately learn there’s a tragically simple explanation. While one could wish for an easy resolution here, to do so might just be a cop-out. It probably ends a bit happier than the next short.

Where to Watch: Vimeo; rental via distributor Premium Films

Two People Exchanging Saliva (Dir. Natalie Musteata and Alexandre Singh) - In a world where kissing is a capital crime, toothpaste is a banned substance, and people barter by letting themselves be slapped, we find Malaise (Luàna Bajrami), a newbie concierge at a Parisian department store. On the cusp of turning twenty-five, she meets Angine (Zar Amir Ebrahimi), an older housewife. This business relationship soon turns personal, with a bit of romantic thrown in. They’ll have to keep things discreet to avoid being found out. 

This is basically Carol if either Wes Anderson or the Coen Brothers directed it. It’s bleakly absurd, stylistically shot in black-and-white and it even comes with narration (by Vicky Krieps). Probably the best joke here is its blunt character names - Malaise’s jealous boss being Pétulante (Aurélie Boquien), for example. It also showcases a decently compelling relationship between Malaise and Angine, which is sadly over too quickly. And it’s the longest short here at 36 minutes! Still, I could see this winning based on its presentation alone. 

Where to Watch: The New Yorker on Youtube.

You can expect reviews of the nominated Documentary and Animated Shorts very soon. I’ll check them out in the theatrical packages starting Saturday. Look forward to them.

Arco

 Arco, the feature debut of graphic novelist Ugo Bienvenu (System Preference), rounds out this year’s animated Oscar lineup. Let’s finally see how it is.

In the 30th century, people live like The Jetsons and travel in time with rainbow robes. Our hero, Arco, is too young to join his parents and sister on their travels. So, he steals his sister’s time-traveling gear and heads off to the Jurassic. But he only gets as far as 2075, where catastrophic weather is about the average, but people can wait it out in protective bubbles. That’s where he meets Iris, a girl his own age.

Arco and Iris spend the rest of the movie trying to get him back to the future. They face a few complications, such as Arco missing his time-traveling diamond, a trio of bumbling alien-hunters (Flea, Will Farrell and Andy Samberg) who have it, Iris’s robot housekeeper Mikki (Mark Ruffalo & Natalie Portman; the latter is also one of the producers), and a looming wildfire. That’s pretty much it.

As I previously said, this movie is French, rather than an anime as Amazon thinks it is. You still might see shades of Hayao Miyazaki as Arco soars through the sky, talks to birds and spends time with Iris. And much like a Miyazaki film, it's visualized with a splendid color palette and marvelous scenery. Its human designs are more realistic than Miyazaki's, as if they were traced from actual people, but they're easy to get used to. Mikki's design is transplanted from System Preference, as if one of its drawings came to life (yeah, that's basically animation, but still). It's pretty easy to guess the narrative mechanics during its 88-minutes, but they left me wanting to know more.

Arco and Iris carry the film wonderfully with their friendship. It's fun to see them learn about each other's time periods, stage his first attempts to fly home, and even evade the robo law. It's hard to feel nothing when it's finally time for Arco to go - especially after a major twist lands. Meanwhile, the three stooges are basically this film's Team Rocket, but they're not only harmless but are actually nice guys. The actual villain surprisingly enough is Mikki, even if it doesn't realize it's doing more harm than good. Then again, Arco's ahead of time existence caused it to crash earlier, so maybe it's a bit justified? Still, despite their faults, you wouldn't want harm on anyone here. Someone doesn't make it to the end, though.

Anything else? I thought there would be a deeper meaning to Mikki speaking with the voices of Iris's mostly absent parents (Portman and Ruffalo are also them). But that's not explained here. The catastrophic weather of Iris's present is the film's scariest imagery. It's only a few decades away, and considering the monster snowstorm the Northeast just had, who knows how long before the weather then will be the weather now. 

Anyway, I leave it to you to see Arco whenever and however you can. It may be short, and a bit slight for some tastes, but it's still sweet and splendid. Next up, I'll begin looking into this year's bunch of nominated shorts. But I've said enough here.

Hoppers

How can you be both early and late?

Hoppers officially comes out in less than a week, but I went to its “Early Access Screening” today. It was scheduled for 1 pm, but the projector didn’t start up for another twenty-minutes. After that, it hopped on over to Pixar’s latest - sans trailers. Let's hop to it.

Mabel Tanaka (Piper Curda) has always been passionate about animals. As a kid, she and her grandma (Karen Huie) spent time together in the glades outside of Beaverton. As a college freshman, she campaigns against Mayor Jerry Generazzo’s (Jon Hamm) campaign to replace the glades with a freeway. But nobody seems interested in helping her take a stand. One night, Mabel discovers her biology professor, Dr. Fairfax’s (Kathy Najimy), Hopper project, which lets humans transmit themselves into robot animals. She decides to take Fairfax's robot beaver for a spin, and winds up in the glades.

Mabel soon integrates into the Superlodge, a community of displaced animals led by actual beaver King George (Bobby Moynihan). A few notable highlights include Loaf (Eduardo Franco), another beaver; Ellen (Melissa Villaseñor), a bear; and Tom (Tom Law), a lizard. She helps them move back to the glades, which drives Jerry to pushback harder. She rallies the animal troops, who are all willing to go to war. It’s up to Mabel and her friends - human and animal - to save the day before both sides possibly destroy themselves. That’s basically it.

Daniel Chong, the creator of Cartoon Network’s We Bare Bears, makes his feature debut here. He and screenwriter Jesse Andrews create a pretty wacky sci-fi story that’s somewhere between Avatar and The Wild Robot. This film and the latter operate on a similar comic wavelength as Mabel integrates herself into the Superlodge and learns their “pond rules.” One of their most important is “when you gotta eat, eat,” which Mabel inadvertently breaks by saving Loaf from Ellen. It’s not too morbid, until a jaw-dropping moment at the midpoint conference of animal monarchs. You'll have to see that, and how they bring in a dreaded "apex predator" for yourself, among other things. Chances are, you'll have plenty to laugh at.

You’ll also have a lot to like about Mabel. Her passionate activism is evident in the prologue, when she tries to liberate her school’s pets. Her attempts to get signatures for a petition leads her to help around an old man’s house (wait for the punchline). She’s so giddy when she hops that it leads to a fun chase scene. She has a moving relationship with her grandma, even if it’s mostly a posthumous one. She has a particularly nice relationship with King George, in both its ups and downs. You've also got to respect her moral standards as she, despite her animosity with Mayor Jerry or the eventual final villain, doesn't want either of them "squished." But she won't give up without a fight, either. 

Who else do we have? Mayor Jerry maybe a big blowhard, but even he has a sense of morality. Dr. Fairfax and her colleagues, Nisha (Aparna Nancherla) and Conner (Sam Richardson), are pretty cool, too. Dr. Fairfax, in particular, gets some great laughs as she explains the history of her program. The Superlodge residents are all a lovable bunch, even if we barely get to know most of them. The aforementioned few we know the most are easily the best of the bunch. The animal monarchs, particularly the Insect Queen (Meryl Streep), the Bird King (the recently deceased Isiah Whitlock Jr), and the Amphibian King (Steve Purcell) - are all entertaining. The final villain - all I can say is that he's voiced by Dave Franco - is equally disturbing and goofy.

What about the technicals? For starters, both the actual and robotic animal characters are as cuddly as their personalities. Their eyes shift from animal to human, depending on the perspective, which makes for a great visual trick. It especially pays off when we're introduced to the apex predator. It turns out that Jerry's been driving off the animals with high-pitched speakers on fake trees. We don't get to experience as much of that painful noise as possible, but there's still a decent sound design here. Every bit of the final battle, which escalates to a forest fire, is both visually and emotionally outstanding. It's all accentuated by a neat score by Mark Mothersbaugh.

Any nitpicks? Early on, we see Mabel’s mom drop her off at her grandma’s, and that’s all we hear of her outside of a flashback. You might expect she’d be more prevalent, but nope. Mabel accuses Jerry of breaking the law, likely due to the fake trees, but he never serves any time. Perhaps him helping out at the end was his rehabilitation. Whatever the case, these nitpicks do nothing to hinder how much I enjoyed this movie.

Pencil Hoppers into next year's Oscar ballot. Unless Toy Story 5 is really that good, then we already have Pixar's best chance to win next year's Animated Feature Award. You need to check it out this coming month to see its abundant surprises for yourself. That's it for February. 

GOAT

A brief history of High-Concept films. 

Those are films that can easily be summed up in one sentence. For a few examples, Alien was pitched as “Jaws in Space;” Airplane was pitched as “Animal House on a Plane;” the new animated movie GOAT can be pitched as “A goat wants to be the GOAT.”

Let’s see if I can elaborate on GOAT.

Our main goat, Will Harris (Caleb McLaughlin), wants to play roarball, which is this film’s version of basketball. He’s a lot smaller than the average player, so he’s often told that “smalls can’t ball.”  One day, he bets his rent money roarballing with superstar Mane Attraction (Aaron Pierre) of Lava Coast Magma. Although Will loses the match, and his apartment, that he “broke” Mane’s “ankles” (translation: made him lose balance) is enough to get him signed to his home team, the Vineland Thorns.

He’s soon introduced to the team: phone-addicted ostrich Olivia (Nicola Coughlan), eccentric komodo dragon Modo (Nick Kroll), single dad rhino Archie (David Harbour), aspiring rapper giraffe Lenny (Stephen Curry, who’s also producing), and his favorite baller, black panther Jett Fillmore (Gabrielle Union). They're a dysfunctional bunch of misfits, but they start moving up the ranks once Will starts to play. They soon reach the playoffs for the sport's greatest trophy - The Claw. But the team's manager, Flo the boar (Jenifer Lewis), might have something up her hooves.

I'm kind of curious how this compares to its source material, Funky Dunks by Chris Tougas, but it's not available anywhere. So, instead I'll evaluate the screen story we have, which was written by Aaron Buchsbaum, Teddy Riley, Nicolas Curcio and Peter Chiarelli. It's a pretty okay story, with a likable protagonist with an understandable dream. It becomes more poignant when we realize that his mom, Louise (Jennifer Hudson), whom we saw in the prologue, died during the time-skip. Yeah, the audience's sympathy definitely in Will's court.

But I gravitated more towards the Thorns. They’re a lovable bunch of losers, who have enough quirks and insecurities to help them stand out. Amongst the bunch, I can highlight Modo and Jett as the MVPs. Modo's a delight, and he even gives us a legitimately surprising twist at the end. While Jett the player can get arrogant, it's difficult to hate her once we know her neurotic personality off the court. Not only that, but it's quite easy to empathize with her as she faces her aging body. She and Will have pretty good chemistry, especially when he shows her around the diner where he works. Although she alienates her crew midway through, they're all too happy to join her for the finals. It's kind of quick, but it makes some sense. 

Amongst the cast, we also have Dennis (Patton Oswalt), who's supposed to be the team's coach. He's mostly ignored, even pranked, but he's still a pretty good guy. The aptly-named Grizz (Jelly Roll), meanwhile, starts off the movie as a bully on the community roarball court. He gets better, mostly off screen, which is kind of confusing. Frank (Wayne Knight), Will's initial gerbil landlord, may be cranky, but he's also a good guy. Daryl & Hannah (Eduardo Franco & Sherry Cola), Will's best buds, are just as quirky as the Thorns. Finally, we have Flo, who's quite a smooth villain.

Its animated world sees 3D animals on seemingly painted backgrounds. Yes, they were actually computerized too, but the aesthetics are quite convincing. What makes these characters unique is that, at times, they'll slip into real-world animal quirks, which makes for some entertaining gags (Mane gallops like a horse; Will's pupils dilate like an actual goat's, and he even goes myotonic). Some of the best environments are the roarball arenas, which sees the players balling across lava pits, tundras and jungles. The games are exciting, even if they're a bit overwhelming, and are accentuated nicely by Kris Bowers's energetic score. 

Any other issues? Well, it's about the viral video that leads Flo to Will. Sure, he's shown breaking Mane's ankles, but he still ends up losing the exhibition match. I thought that would've come up later on, but that never becomes a thing. Am I reading into it too much? Then again, maybe the point was that everyone realized that the "champ" could be defeated. If so, that's admirable. I also thought Mane was in cahoots with Flo, especially with how particularly unsportsmanlike he and the Magma were in the last game. But that's not the case.

GOAT isn't a game changer, but it's still entertaining. Its quirky sense of humor elevates it beyond a run-of-the-mill sports movie, especially with that last twist. There were some obvious jokes that I didn't catch the first time. You'll have to see them for yourself, along with the rest of the movie. I think I said enough.

"Wuthering Heights"

Over a decade ago, I skipped Cary Fukunaga’s take on Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre. The same can’t be said for Emerald Fennell’s take on Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights. Now that I've seen it, I can tell you about it...

One day, in not-so-jolly-old England, Mr. Earnshaw (Martin Clunes) brings home a "pet" for his daughter, Cathy (Charlotte Mellington). This is an orphaned lad, Heathcliff (Owen Cooper), whom the old man conveniently found on the streets. Cathy and Heathcliff grow up together and are deeply in love by the time Margot Robbie & Jacob Elordi tag-in as their older selves. Unfortunately, they're also deeply in trouble.

By this point, the old man’s vices threaten his titular estate with ruin. To alleviate this, Cathy decides to marry her rich neighbor Edgar Linton (Shazad Latif). That’s despite her still being in love with Heathcliff, who rides off in disgrace. Years later, Heathcliff is now a rich man, and he's still madly in love with Cathy. But since he can't have her, he'll settle with Edgar's sister, Isabella (Alison Oliver). It all goes downhill for everyone, especially Heathcliff. I think that's basically it.

I should probably highlight some changes made here. For starters, it doesn't even allude to the novel's nested storytelling structure, which even the famous 1939 film somewhat utilized. Many supporting characters, like Cathy's big brother Hindley, as well as the novel's second half, are tossed out. And don't get me started on Heathcliff's origins. These few cases change the original story quite a lot. So, what can you expect if you've never experienced it before?

Well, you can expect a mad love story. The younger pair playing Cathy & Heathcliff are engaging, especially when he protects her from the old man's wrath. The older pair are mostly fine together and apart. Cathy marrying Edgar despite her still loving Heathcliff is tragically understandable. And, for most of the movie, you'll feel for Heathcliff as he's consumed by heartbreak. His descent into villainy is disturbing, especially when Isabella is brought into it. But then, we're expected to care about him when the downer ending hits. It doesn't really work. But between that, and a few other directing flourishes, I see it working as an indirect satire of the novel's most romantic interpretations.

Don't believe me? The old man's wrath is kicked off by Heathcliff shivering in his presence. Yes, it's because they got caught in the rain, but he's also scared of the old man. "How dare you be scared of me!" he basically says. "I should teach you a lesson!" Years of drinking later turns him into a full-tilt scenery connoisseur - but at least he's nicer to Heathcliff! Isabella, meanwhile, is a childish nightmare enthusiast even before Heathcliff shows up. The film opens with an execution that everyone, young Cathy included, is too much into. Still, Cathy's best friend, Nelly Dean (Hong Chau/Vy Nguyen), is a compelling voice of reason in this mad world.

If there's a reason to watch this movie, it's for the technicals. It's almost a month before the next Oscars, but already, I'm penciling in cinematographer Linus Sandgren, production designer Suzie Davies and costume designer Jacqueline Durran in my proverbial ballot for next year. And really, who can blame me once you behold their designs for yourself? Its sets are especially massive on the big screen, Edgar's estate is positively striking, and the location filming in Yorkshire Dales make them truly like another world. Victoria Boydell skillfully edits these vibrant images, which are perfectly accentuated by Anthony Willis's evocative score and Charli XCX's moody songs. 

Anyone expecting a screen accurate adaptation of Wuthering Heights here should go away. Yes, it's pretty blunt, but then again, so is this movie. Fennell has gone on record that it encapsulates how she felt reading the novel as a teenager. I can respect this interpretation, despite what I might have suggested earlier. You just need to see this movie to believe it, or not. I've said enough.

It Was Just an Accident

Jafar Panahi is one of Iran’s most controversial filmmakers. So much so that the government banned him from working for twenty-years, so he had to make his latest film, It Was Just an Accident, in secret. Thus, it represents France, where he finished the film, for this year's International Feature Oscar race. It's been available to rent-on-demand for a while, and I only now just got to it. Here we go.

Late one night, an Iranian family drives in the desert. It's so dark that we can't see the daughter, Niloufar (Delmaz Najafi), in the backseat until she lights up her tablet. It's so tightly shot by cinematographer Amin Jafari that we only see them for several minutes. Neither we nor the father (Ebrahim Azizi) can see the loose dog running around until it's too late. His wife (Afssaneh Najmabadi) assures him that "It was just an accident. God surely put it in our path for a reason."

Maybe that reason was to put him into somebody else's path.

He drives up to an auto garage, where we meet our actual protagonist, Vahid (Vahid Mobasseri). Years ago, Vahid was tortured in prison by Egbal, an intelligence agent with a prosthetic leg that squeaked with each step. It just so happens that the father also has a prosthetic leg that squeaks with each step. Vahid is now certain that this is his former tormentor. 

So, the next day, he nabs "Egbal" and prepares to bury him in the desert. But when he starts to doubt that it is Egbal, Vahid drives around to grab some friends who were also tortured by him. There's Shiva (Mariam Afshari), a wedding photographer; her clients, Goli & Ali (Hadis Pakabaten & Majid Panahi - Jafar's nephew); and the hot-blooded Hamid (Mohammad Ali Elyasmehr). Perhaps one of them can verify the man's identity - maybe without killing him first. That's basically it.

Panahi and his Oscar-nominated writing collaborators - Nader Saïvar, Shadmehr Rastin, and Mehdi Mahmoudian - manage to keep things going fairly well. Several times over, the crew either IDs "Egbal" or almost end him on the spot, only for their doubts to keep the film going. Along the way, they run into corrupt cops, car trouble, a potty emergency and even help "Egbal's" family when his wife goes into labor. This farcical plot gets interestingly philosophical as they debate the morality of killing their captive. I mean, if he is Egbal, would they be better than him if they killed him? Although he confesses, I was almost left with the impression he falsely did so out of pressure. 

Vahid and his crew are an interesting bunch. As much as Vahid wants to kill "Egbal," he's also willing to lord his moral superiority over his captor-now-captive. That he took the time to help "Egbal's" family shows that he's still pretty altruistic. You'll especially feel for him when he recounts what Egbal did to him. Overall, he's a pretty good superego to Shiva's ego and Hamid's Id. Goli & Ali are fine, even if they're mostly there, while the captor-now-captive is surprisingly likable. Sure, he relishes his depravity near the end, but he's mostly presents himself a good family man. He's downright sympathetic once he finally breaks down. 

Now, for the technicals. Ashfari alternates between shooting things way up close or shooting things way wide. Either way, we get some pretty good clandestine scenery here. The sound design for "Egbal's" leg is outstanding, transforming the last scene into a terrifying one. Without a doubt, it's the best scene of the film. There's no score, but there's a pretty good pop song in the opening. And finally, we have editor Amir Etminan, who brings everything together quite nicely.

What can I say? It Was Just an Accident is ready for you to check out on purpose. It's a farcical morality play that's worth checking out at least once, especially if you're curious. Who knows? You might find a lot that I've left out of this review. But I think I said enough.

Mr. Nobody Against Putin

Next, on my quest to see this year’s Documentary Oscar winner, I go to the next likeliest frontrunner - Mr. Nobody Against Putin. This was Denmark’s submission for International Feature, and like The Perfect Neighbor, it’s been nominated for the BAFTA and PGA Awards. Let’s see what else it is.

In early 2022, the Russian town of Karabash, Chelyabinsk Oblast, revolved around its copper smelting plant. Pavel “Pasha” Talankin was a teacher at Karabash Primary School #1, as well as the videographer and events coordinator. When Putin’s forces invaded Ukraine that February, the Russian Government mandated a new curriculum revolving around the war. Pasha was tasked to film his school following the mandate and upload his videos to a new database. 

Pasha understandably objects to the changes for multiple reasons. He tries to resign, but when he gets in touch with director David Borenstein, he decides to stay on to film his school's descent. Of course, he'll have to leave the country in order to share this footage with the world. The film, in fact, opens in-medias-res, as he does just that.

It doesn't take long for one to get to like Pasha. That comes as early as his opening narration, in which he introduces us to Karabash, internationally known for its pollution, as well as his workplace and home life. We meet his mother, who is the school librarian, along with his parrot and dachshund (are they ok?). We get to see what makes him popular, namely his blunt, yet friendly and empathetic personality. Some of the film's most poignant moments revolve around his students, past and present. One's cheery personality drains away as her brother is sent to the frontlines; another prepares to be deployed; another one dies in the war, and we get his sound-only funeral; and many of his current students dread attending. You'll feel for Pasha as the fun gradually drains away.

So, what about the New Educational Order? Another teacher, Mr. Abdulmanov, is especially eager to extol the virtues of Putin & the Motherland. All of his favorite historical figures are Soviet leaders known for carrying out assassinations and committing human rights abuses. In another class, we get some levity as another teacher trips over the words "denazification" and "demilitarization" as she recites the state's questionable propaganda. Military-style marches become part of the day; at one-point, pretend grenade-tossing becomes part of the curriculum! Perhaps the scariest, yet most ridiculous moment, comes outside of school, as a general basically tells his men "You're all going to die, but you'll be remembered forever!" It's basically a real-life variation of Lord Farquaad's speech in Shrek!

Pasha doesn't depict anyone too critical of the war, other than himself. It's one thing to fret over your loved ones in the frontlines, but actually speaking out against Russia's Propaganda Machine can lead to life in prison. If the State Police don't get him for defacing Pro-War Posters, the draft might. Both are presented as real threats. His mom is pretty much his political opposite, but her stance is mainly a resigned "Let them fight. It's their nature." His fellow teachers note how badly their students are slipping, but that's just about it. In a fictional movie, it seems like an underdeveloped plotline, but in real-life, it's an absolute necessity. 

If you need one good reason to check this movie out, it's Pasha. Watch Mr. Nobody against Putin for this engrossing tale about an unlikely hero. Just as importantly, it's a great way to highlight how teachers help their students. It's only ninety-minutes long, so it should be a somewhat easy sit. His charismatic personality helps getting through the rough patches. And whether he wins or loses, he should be proud that he created a great first motion picture.

The Secret Agent

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My latest mission, which I’ve waited seemingly forever to accept is to review The Secret Agent, Brazil’s contender for this year’s International Feature Oscar, which is also the likeliest winner. Let’s finally get into it, shall we?

“Our story is set during the Brazil of 1977, a period of great mischief,” proclaims the title card. It’s a somewhat generous description of the country’s military dictatorship, which last year’s International Feature winner, I’m Still Here, also covered. Our “secret agent,” Marcelo (Wagner Moura), drives into Recife just in time for Carnival. He takes up residence with Dona Sebastiana’s (Tania Maria) community of "refugees" (political undesirables) and reconnects with his father-in-law, Sr. Alexandre (Carlos Francisco), and son, Fernando (Enzo Nunes). But Marcelo isn’t feeling too festive right now…

It eventually transpires that Marcelo and his late wife, Fatima (Alice Carvalho), made enemies with the corrupt Dr. Ghirotti (Luciano Chirolli). Ghirotti, a board member of Eletrobas, disappeared many of Marcelo's associates, so Marcelo needs to disappear with his life. But first, he needs records of his mother, whom he barely remembers, and the State refuses to acknowledge. He gets a cover-job at the city’s ID-card office, which might have his mother’s info on hand. He’ll have to hurry, for Ghirotti has already dispatched hitmen brothers Bobbi & Augusto Borba (Gabriel Leone & Roney Villela) to do the job.

I've seen multiple reviews call this a "slow-burn," and at 161-minutes, slow is right. Director and writer Kleber Mendonça Filho spends a lot of time letting Marcelo interact with various characters and situations, including crooked police chief Euclides (Robério Diógenes), resistance leader Elza (Maria Fernanda Cândido) and Holocaust survivor Hans (the recently deceased Udo Kier). In the meantime, we get occasional glimpses of the villains, who finally close in during the last half-hour. There's also a subplot with a human leg found inside a tiger shark, which takes a truly bizarre turn well into the movie. It might disappoint anyone expecting a tightly plotted thriller, but I think it does have its advantages.

If anything, the slow narrative helps Mendonça encapsulate Brazil as it was. In the opening scene, we see old snapshots set to a neat tune before we see Marcelo drive up to a gas station. A few cops are more interested in him than the dead looter rotting in the sun - he bribes them with cigarettes. Sr. Alexandre is a projectionist, so we get to see the impact of The Omen when it was released in Brazil. Of course, we also get to see people trying to survive under an iron fist. If we take the final twist with the leg metaphorically, rather than actually, it makes creepy sense. These are highlighted by another subplot, where a pair of modern university students research Elza and her associates. Like them, I wanted to learn more about the era.

Moura is pretty compelling as Marcelo, even if you need a few viewings to grasp his intricacies. Still, on that first viewing, I understood Marcelo to be a good man trying to survive. One of his best scenes has him try to explain to Fernando what happened to Fatima - or, at least, the "official story." His most powerful scene, however, has him show up in another role in the epilogue (I won't declassify that one). Dona Sebastiana is quite the character, and amongst her fellow tenants, we have single mom Claudia (Hermilla Guedes), Angolan Civil War survivor Thereza Vitória (Isabél Zuaa), and even a two-faced cat. Hans makes the most of his one scene, while the other villains are equally charming & detestable. Once you see this dynamic ensemble in action, you'll understand why Gabriel Domingues is now one of the inaugural nominees for the Casting Oscar.

Amongst the technicals, we have cinematographer Evgenia Alexandrova and production designer Thales Junqueira, whose work is vital for Mendonça's snapshot of the era. It really looks like a gritty film of the 70s, even if it was really just done digitally. Some obvious, yet creepy, visual effects are used for the culmination of the leg subplot. And finally, we have a surprisingly energetic score by Tomaz Alves Souza & Mateus Alves, which should have gotten a bit more notice this Oscar season, even a shortlist mention. Oh well.

Anyway, The Secret Agent is ready whenever you are. It might be a slow movie, but it's still an interesting history lesson. See it for yourself now, then see what you learn later. Trust me; I think you will learn a lot.

The Perfect Neighbor

Unlike last year, I intend to keep up with this year's Oscar-nominated documentaries. At least, the ones I can actually watch - Cutting Through Rocks isn't available near me, and I'd rather not start up Apple TV just to watch Come See Me in The Good Light.

Fortunately, I've started with perhaps the likeliest frontrunner - The Perfect Neighbor. This Netflix documentary premiered in October, and has been nominated across various guilds, BAFTA, and even Best Editing at the Critics' Choice Awards. Let's look into it, shall we?

Meet Susan Lorincz. “I’m like the perfect neighbor,” she says. “You barely ever see me.” Her neighbors in Ocala, Florida, would disagree, as she always yells at the local kids for playing in "her" lot. From 2022-23, she calls the police at least six times, and each time, the officers are more neighborly than her. She's most unneighborly to the four kids of her black neighbor, Ajike "AJ" Owens. After one such incident on June 2, 2023, AJ tries to confront Lorincz, who fatally shoots her from behind her closed door. Lorincz tries to justify it through the State's Stand-Your-Ground law, but nobody buys it.

Director Geeta Gandbhir gives us the facts mostly with bodycam and security footage. We see the police responding to Lorincz's complaints, interviewing her at the station after one such call, the aftermath of the shooting, and her being ultimately convicted. We hear from her annoyed neighbors as her behavior grows more and more erratic. We see them try to mediate between Lorincz and her neighbors, even as they grow weary of responding to her every call. I got the feeling that the only reason Lorincz wasn't arrested sooner was because the cops had no reason to think it would get this far. It seems like systematic incompetence, but the cops here are shown trying to do right. 

Throughout the narrative, you might ask yourself a lot of questions. Why didn't they intervene when her neighbors first saw her gun? What was up with the airhorn incident? Why didn't they commit to arrest her for trespassing on some guy's property, smashing his gate open with her pick-up truck - an incident she never comes close to justifying? Why didn't she get enough professional help for her behavior? It's beyond obvious how mentally unwell she is, even if that doesn't excuse her. But perhaps with a better mental healthcare system, she wouldn't have felt the need to resort to violence. I might be overthinking it, but that's the impression that I got from this documentary.

It maybe 97-minutes, but it's not an easy documentary to sit through. You'll know how bad it gets as the film opens in-medias-res on the shooting. When it resets, the tension builds as the dates grow closer and closer to the big one. We get some levity as we get to know the Owens, who fit the title better than Lorincz. It’s appropriately tragic for everyone involved, even Lorincz, once the event finally happens. When Lorincz is arrested, she refuses to go along with them for so long a struggle seems inevitable. It doesn’t happen, but the tension was so there. It's still nice seeing everyone rally around the Owens. And more levity comes from Lorincz's nephew's Captain Obvious insight - "Guns are very dangerous."

There are two things I need to mention before I end this review. One is that Gandbhir has a personal connection to the case - her sister-in-law was best friends with AJ. The other is that Gandbhir is also nominated this year for her Short Documentary The Devil is Busy, which I didn't realize until now. I’ll definitely be reviewing that along with the other Documentary Shorts, and I’m more excited than ever. In the meantime, you can check out The Perfect Neighbor if you're up to it. If not, I might recommend something more pleasant next time.

Or not...