Zombie Land Saga: Yumeginga Paradise

 I promised a SAGA last week, and here it is…

Zombie Land Saga: Yumeginga Paradise debuted in Japanese theaters last October, four years after it was announced. It played last January for one night only, but thankfully, Crunchyroll didn’t drag out the streaming premiere. I finally made time for it last Friday, and you’ll read about it now.

Just over a minute into its first episode, Sakura Minamoto, a plucky high schooler with dreams of being a pop singer, accidentally ran into the path of a speeding truck. A decade later, she and six other young ladies are brought back as zombies to form a pop idol group! Her fellow undeads include biker Saki Nikaido; pop stars Junko Konno & Ai Mizuno; child star Lily Hoshikawa; 19th-century courtesan Yugiri; and Tae Yamada, the only one who is still a mindless zombie. Together, they are Franchouchou, and their mission is to save Japan’s Saga Prefecture from obscurity.

In the movie itself, Franchouchou headlines the 2025 Saga Expo to celebrate the prefecture’s space program. Speaking of space, aliens show up and launch an all-out invasion of the Earth! Tae accidentally gets her human personality back when they abduct her. The other girls are introduced to their now no-nonsense bandmate when she escapes. Tae doesn’t see how a bunch of zombies can help her save the world, but they’ll show her how. Yeah, it’s that type of movie.

The film trusts that its audience has read the show’s prequel manga, Zombie Land Saga Gaiden: The First Zombie, so they’ll fully understand Tae’s vague allusions to her past adventures. Unless, of course, the manga hasn’t been licensed outside of Japan, or if they haven’t imported the volumes (which I did). There’s not even a flashback to her past life! On a related note, the film mentions that the invaders can’t pick up zombies on infrared, but it takes quite a while before the resistance acts on it. 

In Sakura’s motorized recap, she mentions that it’s been four years since their second season. It’s not just in real-life, but in-universe too, but the characters have barely aged a day. Franchouchou has an excuse but supporting character Maria Amabuki & her two friends don’t. How old are they supposed to be? I should also mention that while it has a great soundtrack, the English dub switches to the Japanese vocals for the songs. It’s kind of disappointing, considering the first season’s songs were dubbed, rather well, for its physical release. Oh well, moving on …

Our seven zombie heroines are as fun now as they were when they debuted in 2018. They’ve all got great personalities - that includes Tae’s two - and it’s delightful watching their chemistry on and off the stage. Tae aside, you won’t be lost if you don’t know how they previously lived and died. Tae probably has the best line in the dub, “No more space guns for you,” thanks to her deadpan delivery. There’s some drama when they, sans Tae, are exposed as zombies. Their witnesses, including Maria, get over it, but there’s more pressing drama that I’ll hint with three words - Flowers for Algernon. Before that, they’re involved in a glorious gag with a burning globe, and a spectacular final battle with the invaders.

Amongst the massive supporting cast, which includes practically everyone who’s ever been on the show, the biggest standout is Kotaro Tatsumi, Franchouchou’s manager. He’s bombastic, obnoxious and a bit of a jerk, but he’s still a good guy. You’ll actually feel bad for him when he breaks down after Sakura and Tae seemingly die for real. The suspense doesn’t last, but it’s still moving. Romero, his zombie poodle, is a lot of fun, as are Franchouchou’s Metalhead fanboys (credited in the dub as Bulk and Skull), and Saga’s Only Cop (“Dirty Harry”). Let’s not forget Reiko and Naomasa, Maria’s parents, who are probably the most serious members of the cast. I can go on, but I’d be here all day.

Zombie Land Saga: Yumeginga Paradise has much of the same heart and humor from its source show in its veins. Those are enough to help me overlook its biggest quibbles. If this had a longer theatrical release, then this would have been the most fun I had at the movies all year. It’s still a lot of fun on Crunchyroll, and if you’re skeptical how this can all work, I invite you to check it out for yourself. I’ve said enough.

Toy Story 5

 How many final installments does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It should take one, while the others just show off by messing with it.

Just when you thought Toy Story 4 was it for Pixar's toys, along comes Toy Story 5. This time, they're not fooling anyone with promises of narrative closure (mostly), as it's kind of obvious this was made for money. Fortunately, it's still a pretty good installment, even if it's not a perfect one.

With Woody (Tom Hanks) off helping abandoned toys, Sheriff Jessie (Joan Cusack) and Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) are now in charge of Bonnie’s toys. Bonnie is the only kid on her block still playing with toys, while everyone else has upgraded to tech. Bonnie joins in when her parents get her a “Lilypad” tablet. Lily (Greta Lee) lords over the toys, especially after she helps Bonnie make “real” friends. 

While trying to spy on Bonnie and her new friends, Jessie and Bullseye accidentally end up at the farmhouse of Jessie's former owner, Emily, now home to the Manoukian family. Blaze Manoukian (Mykal-Michelle Harris), who’s slightly older than Bonnie, has both horse toys and tech toys. In the latter category, we have Smarty Pants the toilet trainer (Conan O’Brien), Snappy the Camera (Shelby Rabara) and Atlas the GPS (Craig Robinson). Jessie enlists them to get her & Bullseye home.

What else do we have? Throughout the film, there’s an army of updated Buzz Lightyears marching around for reasons. They’ll become relevant later. Woody visits his old gang and teams up with Buzz to try to save Jessie. Bonnie’s new friends aren’t nice, so the toys decide to help her meet Blaze. Lily tries to stop them, for a while.

Unlike some other toon sequels, this one tries a bit harder to tell a meaningful story. Andrew Stanton, the longtime series co-writer and now also-director, and Kenna Harris, his co-writer and co-director, focus much of it on Bonnie. You’ll spend most of her plotline feeling bad for her as she gets cyber-bullied - and lightly teased in person - by her three false friends. She’s so dejected by them that she declines Blaze’s friendship until the very end. Well, better late than never, for Blaze is a delightful character. 

Oh yeah, there are toys in this story, too. Jessie, much like Woody in the last film, struggles with feelings of obsolescence. Anyone who’s seen Toy Story 2, or knows of it, will know exactly what I’m referring to. She gets some much-needed closure when she finds a certain time capsule. Buzz spends most of the film crushing on Jessie, which gets a nice payoff in the climax. Woody and the veteran toys are here probably because it wouldn’t be Toy Story without them. Woody rallying the updated Buzzes probably could’ve been handled by classic Buzz himself. The others provide some good quips here and there, but that’s it.

The new tech characters are pretty good. Lily, our advertised main villain, spends most of her time looking down on the toys. Her ego’s pretty entertaining, but it gets creepy when she starts texting as Bonnie. She starts to redeem herself when she realizes that she indirectly hurt Bonnie and later gives the Buzzes their biggest relevance. Smarty is surprisingly not that gross, considering what he is. He and his pals are fun, even if their introduction sidelines the looming plot of tech replacing toys for “the tech and the toys can be friends.” It's a bit of a letdown, though it's admittedly a topic with no easy answer. 

Oh, and while not tech, extra funny points must be rewarded for naming Blaze’s pet pig Jimmy Dean. Even Jessie gets the reference.

It’s a Pixar movie, so of course the animation’s good. The climax is pretty thrilling, thanks to the Buzzes’ big surprise, but the best animated work is with the sequences that visualize the girls’ playtimes. The vivid colors and surprisingly elaborate plots go great together. While Randy Newman provides another fun score for the series, he let Taylor Swift & Jack Antonoff compose the central song. I Knew It, I Knew You plays in the end credits, and it’s another fine addition to the series’ song catalog. I wouldn’t be surprised if, following Newman’s nominations for each of the previous films, Swift gets her first Oscar nomination here.

Toy Story 5's main draws are, theoretically, the toys, but I found myself more interested in the humans this time. It's such a relatable story, especially for those who were shy kids growing up. If it does win the Animated Feature Oscar, much like its predecessors, then that would be why. But like any old toy, its main characters are still fun to be around even if they're showing their age. Have fun; I sure did.

Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid

 Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid: A Lonely Dragon Wants to Be Loved, premiered in Japanese theatres this time last year. It ran stateside for one night only last October, and although it allegedly premiered on Netflix not long after, I never found it. So, when it suddenly showed up on Crunchyroll this past weekend, I made plans for it. 

And off we go …

As told in Cool-Kyou Shinsha’s manga, Kobayashi (no first name given), was a programmer who went on a drunken hike in the mountains. She ends up pulling a sword out of a dragon, who shows up at her apartment in human form. Her name is Tohru, and she’s now Kobayashi’s maid. A few other dragons, also in human form, show up, and some of them move in with Kobayashi and Tohru. That’s kind of it.

The titular Lonely Dragon isn’t Tohru, but her youngest flatmate, Kanna Kamui. One day, her absentee father, General Kimun Kamui, shows up looking for her. Rather than catch up on lost time, Kimun wants Kanna for the “Dragon Orb” she absorbed into her person. It’s a powerful MacGuffin, with which he can help his Chaos Dragons win the war against their rivals, the Harmony Dragons.

Kobayashi can tell a lousy parent, at least by Earth standards, when she sees one, and refuses to give up Kanna. Kanna, however, acquiesces for her daddy’s approval. Kobayashi and the others go after Kanna when they find out that Kimun’s advisor, Azad, is up to no good. Did I also mention that Kobayashi is adept at magic? She is. And how will Kanna's new smartphone play into the plot?

You probably know what to expect if you’ve seen Kyoto Animation’s TV anime. Technically, it’s not much different than the show, which you’ll notice during flashbacks. Between both mediums, the character designs are cuddly, the color palette is pretty, and the music is nice to listen to. The show’s staff is retained for this production, which includes first season director Yasuhiro Takemoto’s - a casualty of the 2019 arson - honorary credit as “Series Director” (Tatsuya Ishihara is the main director here). About the only thing I disliked was the pitch of Tohru’s energy blasts, which sounds like someone mashing a high-pitched keyboard. It was a bit unbearable, but thankfully short.

This is Kanna’s movie, so let’s discuss her. She barely emotes, not even when she plays with her bestie, Riko Saikawa, which is weirdly amusing. Less amusing, however, is her relationship with her dad, which gets her beyond dull surprise. You’ll feel bad for her when she tries to reach out to Kimun, who sees her as an ally, not a daughter. Kimun’s personality, which I’ll touch upon soon, complicates this relationship, especially when Kobayashi knocks him and Azad out with a Spirit Bomb (long story). You don’t need to know the manga’s story - which the movie adapts one volume of - to be moved by the finale, though. 

Try as I might, I couldn’t necessarily bring myself to hate Kimun. Granted, Kobayashi and the others have a point when they criticize his parental skills. But at his worse, he’s more of a naive dolt than a callous monster. He’s also surprisingly friendly, allowing Kanna and Kobayashi to write to him regularly (even if he fails to grasp their points). He starts to redeem himself when he saves Kanna from Azad after the latter’s scheme is exposed. And then, there is the finale. Maybe I’m reading him wrong, but that’s what I thought about him.

Amongst its large cast, a few discernable dragons include Lucoa (a gender-flipped Quetzalcoatl); Fafnir (a game obsessed butler dragon); and Ilullu (one of Kobayashi's other flat mates). They're all quirky, but you will need a character guide to fully grasp them and their human companions. You'll have little trouble understanding Miss Kobayashi and her Dragon Maid, even if they aren't truly the main characters. They're quite likable together, and especially with the other dragon girls. Kobayashi cleverly exposes Azad to the warring dragons by putting Kanna on speaker, while Tohru gets a fine post-climax battle with Azad. It's quite amazing to watch them throw down against evil.

Oh, and what about Azad? It doesn't take much to peg him as the villain, even before we see how he is. He's got a sad backstory, but a bit of an underwhelming defeat. I'm not annoyed, as he shows up later in the manga, and might get some more time to shine. When's the third season coming?

I'm kind of late reviewing it for this Father's Day, but I'm sure it'll be there for the next one. You won't need a crash course in lore to understand its central family story. Just some understanding. In any case, why don't you check out this movie, and its associated anime? There's a lot to love about them, aesthetically and narratively. I'll let you decide the order you watch them.

Oh yeah, and before the month is out, you'll get a review for another Crunchyroll anime movie that dropped last weekend. It's quite a SAGA ...

Disclosure Day

 It’s time for the other D-Day.

That’s right, it’s time to disclose what I thought about Disclosure Day, Steven Spielberg’s highly anticipated sci-fi movie. What’s going to stop me from revealing the truth? It’s not like I’m going to step on any government conspiracy. Let’s go and  …

Did I walk into Street Fighter?

Those were my actual thoughts. Why so? Well, it’s because we’re opening with a cage match, where Dr. Daniel Kellner (Josh O’Connor) is in the audience. Daniel, a cybersecurity guy, has stolen top-secret files from the shadowy Wardex Corporation, and he’s here to exchange them for his nabbed girlfriend, Jane (Eve Hewson). They instead flee with the files, with Wardex CEO Noah Scanlon (Colin Firth) and his goons in pursuit.

It turns out that Daniel has evidence of alien life on Earth, dating back to the Roswell crash of 1947. He plans to make it all public, which would hopefully avert an increasingly likely World War III. When Margaret Fairchild (Emily Blunt), a Kansas City weatherwoman and emergent psychic, suddenly speaks in alien tongues on the air, he's the only one who can understand it. They eventually find each other, and together with Wardex defector Hugo Wakefield (Colman Domingo), they set out to make Disclosure Day a reality.

David Koepp’s screenplay, working from Spielberg’s own screenstory, slowly unfolds Daniel’s mission like it were a mystery. Granted, we already know what it is, considering that’s the premise, but there’s a nice level of intrigue as we wait for him to reveal it. A close comparison is Jurassic Park, which Koepp also wrote, and which slowly built up the dinosaur park as a reveal. What I’m trying to say is that the pacing, particularly in the first act, is pretty good. It’s nearly a half-hour longer than Jurassic Park, though, and you’ll gradually start to feel it.

The screenplay also indulges in some flying leaps in logic. Take Hugo’s part in the story, for example, as he spends most of his plot replicating Margaret’s childhood home as a film set. It’s part of an elaborate plan to help jog her childhood memories, but he doesn’t know she’s the one until her viral newscast. Keep in mind the plot spans about two days, and the set building probably would’ve started much earlier. There is a possible answer, who shows up at the literal last minute, so it’s not much help. A few re-watches, though, might help one understand it all.

Between the leads, I found Margaret to be the more compelling one. Sure, Daniel is an upstanding guy and a bit of an optimist (considering the premise), but Margaret’s uneasy discovery of her powers makes her relatable. Blunt gets a really well-acted scene when she panics in a train car filled with pianos. Yes, really, and this is after Scanlon’s top henchman Boyd (Henry Lloyd-Hughes), tried to ram them into that train. It's quite remarkable to watch her assert herself, as an anchorwoman and as a person, during the film. On the subject of anchoring, real life reporter-turned-actress Courtney Grace has the film’s best performance as an NBC Anchor who tries to hold it together when she reports on the Disclosure.

Throughout the film, Scanlon and Daniel have access to alien devices that seemingly let them do whatever the plot needs them to do. Scanlon uses it to talk to Jane via astral projection and drive her to try to kill Daniel. It’s a neat prop, even if we have to infer how they work, while the cast just knows right away. It gets contrived when Margaret figures out the backup generator function in the finale. Though, it does lead to some great comedy when Margaret cloaks the set, just as Wardex breaks in, and the agents stumble around it. 

Scanlon, meanwhile, is an interesting enough villain. He's determined to maintain the big secret, not just for the government, but to assuage his own fears. Basically, "What if Disclosure makes it all worse?" Hugo is basically the counterpoint, which he argues with Scanlon in their one scene together. We see him overwhelmed at one point during his interrogating Jane. When his last-ditch efforts to sabotage the broadcast fail, he just sits down as if to say, "what's the point?" It’s another great performance from Firth, and I do have a quibble about his character that I’ll have to bring up in the next paragraph.

Margaret, as part of her powerset, can appear to anyone as someone special. In Scanlon's case, it's his late wife Jocelyn (Lucy Taylor), whom the film barely explores. That's my quibble about Scanlon, but Margaret's seamless psychic shapeshifting represents the best of Sarah Broshar's (succeeding the now retired Michael Kahn) editing skills. She further shines during the action scenes, as well as the Disclosure Day broadcast. The sound designers, visual effects team, cinematographer Janusz Kaminski, and John Williams (who needs little elaboration), deliver their usual greatness. I think I said enough.

Disclosure Day, for whatever flaws it has, is an earnest film. Improbable? Yes. Abruptly ends? Yes. But the climax is assuredly optimistic. You can't accuse it of faltering, or faking, its beliefs. Overall, it's an interesting companion piece - or a spiritual sequel - to Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I'd rather let it disclose a few more secrets to you personally. It's worth the trip.

The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act

 Step right up, step right up, and come witness the grand finale of the indie animation sensation! Sure, you can pay nothing to watch it for free in about a week, but you can pay more to see it on the big …

[Annoying Narrator Program Off]

In layman’s terms, The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act pieces together the eighth episode of the YouTube series, which premiered in March, along with the ninth and final episode, which premieres independently next week. Now, how about we explain the premise?

Think of it as a cutesy take on I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. Basically, a few humans are trapped as cartoony CGI avatars in the titular game and are forced to participate in whatever crazy adventure their AI ringmaster, Caine (Alex Rochon), has in mind. They can’t leave and they can’t die, but they can “abstract” into glitches if they mentally break. This unfortunate ensemble consists of Gangle (Marissa Lenti), the timid artist; Zooble (Ashley Nichols), the jaded cynic; Kinger (Sean Chiplock), the eccentric genius; Ragatha (Amanda Hufford), the cheerful one; Jax (Michael Kovach), the sarcastic jerk; and Pomni (Lizzie Freeman), the newcomer.

When Episode 8, hjsakldfhl, opens, they’ve about reached their breaking point. Caine, however, has completely cracked and takes it out on the cast. Kinger is actually one of Caine’s programmers, so he tries to quell his creation’s digital wrath. He accidentally deletes Caine, which actually makes things worse. Oops.

During the main event, which is currently untitled, the cast tries to carry on without Caine. When Jax finally cracks, Pomni tries to help him. This involves exploring Jax’s tragic backstory within and without the digital circus. The troupe gets help from an unexpected source and discover some big secrets. I think that’s it.

Caine provides a handy “Amazing Digital Recap” for those going in blind. That way, you’ll understand just about everything except the creepy talking fish in the pre-film intro. That fish featured in the seventh episode, which I only found out just now. It was intentionally designed to look crummy, but it especially looks unnerving up-close - I was in the second-to-front row. The upside is that it’s kind of funny, especially as it gives the uninitiated thirty seconds to catch up on the show. Just thought you should know.

The fish also said not to spoil anything, but I kind of already did. It’s hard not to, considering that the main event revolves around Jax. His ultimate fate has been met with a divisive reaction online, and if I have any issue with it, it’s how he cracks off-screen. It’s kind of an abrupt fate for one of the show’s most popular characters. The subsequent journey into his psyche is where we learn his full story. It’s not hard to pity him even at his most reprehensible.

Amongst his castmates, Gangle and Ragatha get the least focus, but their personalities shine enough. Zooble, meanwhile, gets some story relevance as we see how their friendship with Jax deteriorated. Kinger, as the main character of episode 8, is pretty compelling as he regains his bearings (even if it goes wrong). Finally, it’s easy to gravitate to Pomni due to her empathy. It’s saved her castmates multiple times across the show, which makes it rewarding when they save her. There's an impressive amount of work to visualize their cuddly designs. Ragatha's fabric, for example, looks realistic. Just keep in mind the cartoony body horror ... some of which is funny.

Surprisingly, however, I found Caine to be the most compelling character. Instead of being monstrously cruel, ala I Have No Mouth’s AM or even Terminator’s Skynet, he’s just as neurotic as the others. He legitimately doesn’t understand why his cast resents being stuck with him. About the only one who tolerates him is his assistant, Bubble (voiced by series creator Gooseworx), but he’s an AI too. Before long, he goes from despair, to anger, and even self-reflection (I think I spoiled again). It’s fascinating to watch an “evil AI” humanized like this. On a lighter note, his default personality is as fun to watch as it probably was for the animators to animate.

What else do we have? Gooseworx, amongst her many hats, also composed the music with Evan Alderete. They both helped compose Hazbin Hotel, another YouTube cartoon success, which has a pretty dynamic soundtrack (especially helpful for a musical show). No surprise that the music here is just as good. Caine's musical number, with lyrics by Hazbin alumnus Dave Capdevielle, is visually impressive, but my theatre's speakers overwhelmed the singing. When Episode Nine opens with a reprise of the Pilot's opening, the lack of Caine's narration is so unnerving it's kind of funny. 

The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act might not be to everyone's liking. I've already mentioned the issues with Jax's ending, but then we have the reveal of just who everyone is. That one, I think, makes pretty good sense, but you'll have to see it for yourself. All in all, I was invested enough in the cast to stay through the (relatively short) credits. I think you might be too.

Masters of the Universe

 By the Power of Grayskull, I have the Review!

He-Man, that gloriously cheesy 80s superhero, made his live-action debut in Masters of the Universe. Nearly forty-years after Dolph Lundgren wielded those fabulous secret powers, it's now Nicholas Galitzine's turn to do so in … Masters of the Universe.

Our hero, Adam, is the prince of the magitek world of Eternia. He practically lives next door to Castle Grayskull, where its Sorceress (Morrena Baccarin) keeps custody of the all-mighty Sword of Power. One night, Skeletor (Jared Leto) and his Evil Warriors take over the planet. Adam reluctantly flees to Earth with the sword, but he loses it in transit.

Years later, Adam (Galitzine) works a soul-crushing job at an HR firm. He finds the sword at a comic shop, along with some trouble. Fortunately, his childhood friend Teela (Camila Mendes), the adoptive daughter of Duncan (Idris Elba), the royal Man-at-Arms, whisks him away back to Eternia. There, he has to persuade his band of Heroic Warriors to join him in battle. It gets slightly easier when he figures out how to use the sword to morph into He-Man. But even the most powerful man in the universe can lose…

Director Travis Knight and his multiple writers relish how silly the property is. Characters like Ram Man (John Xue Zhang), Mekanek (James Wilkinson) and Fisto (Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson) receive their questionable nicknames from a ten-year-old Adam. Nobody besides Adam tries to question the obviously evil Skeletor’s reason for being. There’s even a jab at the Sword of Power’s basic name. The film wants us to laugh with stuff like this, not at it. In fact, when they’re accentuated by Daniel Pemberton’s score, these aspects swing back to awesome. His theme for Adam’s first morph, in particular, is truly awe-inspiring.

Let’s get one cast member out of the way - Jared Leto. In House of Gucci, his cartoonish Paulo was too much for that film. As Skeletor, an actual cartoon bad guy, he fits right in. It’s glorious to watch him go all out as the biggest, baddest guy of this universe. He’s petty, sadistic, and delightfully macabre all the same. He’s even kind of pitiable when he confesses his inadequacies to Evil-Lyn (Alison Brie), his right-hand woman. One of the film’s best jokes comes when he psychically tortures Adam near the third act. You might not think it’s funny after you read that sentence, but it is. You need to see how.

Of course, a great villain needs a good hero, and Galitzine is it. His Prince Adam is quite likable, both as a normal man and as a He-Man. It’s not hard to feel bad for him as he tries, in vain, to explain his heritage to his elementary school class and a blind date. When Teela gets him, he’s all enthused to prove the naysayers right (even if the crowd lacks said naysayers). We’re right with him when he finally becomes the embodiment of positive masculinity. Lundgren, in his cameo as a gym “Macho Man,” symbolically passes the torch to Galitzine with his every line. His final battle with Skeletor validates the endorsement.

Let’s talk about some of Adam’s allies. As Teela, Mendes has good chemistry with Galitizine, while Elba’s bombastic performance as Duncan is a sight to behold. Adam’s actual father, King Randor (James Purefoy), barely shares any screentime with young Adam - it ain’t heartwarming - before Skeletor shows up. This kind of dampens the gut punch of his eventual death - thought not by much.  The film could have also used a bit more of Cringer (Tom Wilton/Fletcher Glenn), Adam’s green tiger, especially his first morph into He-Man’s steed, Battle Cat. The Sorceress is surprisingly funny, while Kristin Wiig is a surprising choice as the voice of Roboto the battle droid.

Now, let’s behold the Power behind the scenes. We’ve got some great action scenes to let the Heroic Warriors cut loose. The makeup designs for both evil and heroic Eternians are pretty creative ones. They were so good, in fact, that I mistook Skeletor and Trap Jaw (Sam C. Wilson) as fully CGI creations. Their CGI augmentations, like Skeletor’s head, were all seamless. Production Designer Guy Hendrix Dyas, and the visual effects team, give us a fabulous rendition of Eternia. Costume Designer Andrew Sales does a pretty good job translating the toyetic characters into live-action form. And finally, Brian May augments Pemberton’s score with some unforgettable riffs.

I think it's best if you check out Masters of the Universe for itself. It's a live-action cartoon, and if that's all you want, you'll bask in its Power to entertain.  It's quite long, at 140-minutes, but the time mostly flies by pretty fast. The other issues I've mentioned are minor gripes, at most. All in all, it's best Power is the ability to appeal to one's inner child, even those who didn't fully grow up with the franchise. See it soon to see what I mean.

Oh, and if you want a thinking cartoon, I've got one next.

Pressure

 Pressure came out over a week ago, but because it was about D-Day, I held off watching it until last Saturday, the anniversary of D-Day. Sure, I could have had it watched and reviewed by last Saturday, but I wasn’t under that much pressure.

….

Let’s dive right in.

It’s 72-hours before the Allies start storming the beaches. Group Captain James Stagg (Andrew Scott) is summoned by General Eisenhower (Brendan Fraser) to help man his weather team. He and Col. Irving Krick (Chris Messina) - Eisenhower’s favorite meteorologist - are tasked with monitoring the English Channel. They need to confirm sunny skies - or close enough - before Eisenhower declares D-Day on June 5th …

Yes, June 5th, as that was when D-Day was supposed to be. Krick is certain it’ll be sunny by then due to historical weather patterns. Stagg, who prefers to observe in real-time, sees a major storm brewing. Ike, meanwhile, needs a clear answer sooner rather than later. His secretary, Captain Kay Summersby (Kerry Condon), is mostly there to help cool heads prevail. You can probably guess how it’ll turn out, and which weatherman is correct.

Its historical angle is perhaps its most interesting aspect. I mean, how many of us thought about the meteorological planning that went into D-Day? Or that it was delayed by a day? Or the contributions of James Stagg? It was just a subplot in The Longest Day, which I admittedly haven’t seen before, but it’s now the main plot here. I probably have forgotten studying that aspect in school, if at all. I probably won’t anymore.

So, how does it go from a subplot in one movie to the main plot in another? Well, the cast argues a lot, that’s how. Krick boasts about forecasting clear weather during the shoot of Gone with the Wind. Stagg is so annoyed that he doesn’t bring up the Battle of Mount Sorrel until a late reveal. It’s kind of easy to lose focus during all this repetitive arguing. At some point, I wondered how it would translate into a stage play, only to discover during the credits that, yes, this was a stage play (by David Haig, who adapted it with director Anthony Maras). Thankfully, it’s only 100-minutes long, so it’s not too stretched out. Plus, there were a few good lines.

Now, for a few issues. The film opens up with the aftermath of Exercise Tiger, a D-Day rehearsal that went horribly wrong. That's all we know about it, but Ike is haunted by it just the same. While this lets Fraser humanize Ike rather well, I wish the film elaborated on it. I couldn't bring myself to dislike Krick, despite him being the antagonist. For one thing, you kind of feel for him when it starts raining on the 4th. His involvement with Gone with the Wind is a neat anecdote, even if it bugged me when he said the Burning of Atlanta scene was in July 1939 (it was actually in December 1938!). Stagg worrying about his wife, Liz's (Tamsin Topolski) fate is more compelling than the weather arguing. I think that's about it.

There's some good location filming at Mentmore Towers, which stand in for the Allies' HQ at Southwick House. Its depiction of Exercise Tiger's aftermath is appropriately horrific and unforgettable. Its visual effects work, whether they involve a weather balloon popping in orbit or D-Day itself, is splendid. Some of the sound team's best work is featured in the D-Day's climactic kick-off; not far behind is the storm on June 4th. Also noteworthy are its colorized restoration of World War II stock clips, and another perfectly intense score by Volker Bertelmann. 

Pressure is more of a history lesson than a thriller. Its conclusion is foregone, but its central anecdote is interesting, as are a few names that the story left out (like Svere Petterssen). All that talking pays off once you see D-Day in action. If anything, it might be a good prompt to learn about D-Day for yourself. Of course, it might not be long before it gets crowded out of theatres. So, see it soon if you want to see it big.

No Pressure...

Backrooms

And now, we get to Backrooms, the film version of the Internet urban legend that Kane Parsons made famous with his YouTube videos. At twenty-years-old, Parsons is now the youngest filmmaker to top the box-office. Want to know more?

What are the Backrooms?

I'll let this anonymous post, from the notorious message board 4Chan, explain what we're dealing with here. It's got a vivid way with words:

If you're not careful and you noclip out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old, moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in

God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you

And the Technicals?

While the YouTube Backrooms were visualized with Blender, the cinematic ones were visualized on actual sets by production designer Danny Vermette. As the cast walks through them, you’ll share their dread as they anticipate whatever may lurk around the corner. And yet, you’ll be oddly fascinated by this seminal liminal space. The otherworldly images captured by cinematographer Jeremy Cox, even in the real world, will be etched into your mind. An excellent sound team amps up the off-screen violence and electrical ambience rather well. There’s also a perfectly eerie score by Parsons and Edo Van Breemen to set the mood. I’ll talk about the visual effects later …

What about the plot?

In this scenario, concocted by Will Soodik, the Backrooms are found by Clark (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a down-on-his-luck furniture store manager, in his store’s basement. Clark recruits his only two employees, Kat (Lukita Maxwell) and Bobby (Finn Bennett), to help him explore the world beyond his walls. When the quest goes wrong, Dr. Mary Kline (Renate Reinsve), goes down the rabbit hole. He doesn’t want to leave, and there’s something that doesn’t want her to leave. 

And the cast?

Ejiofor’s Clark is pretty compelling, but not really likable. At all. Clark practically blames everyone but himself for his impending divorce, and he refuses to change by the end. “That’s how we’re wired,” he puts it. He’s still pretty funny in his store’s cheesy commercials, though. His dog metaphor with the Backrooms is kind of odd, but it makes some sense.

Reinsve’s Mary has her own psychological issues, mainly from her rough childhood with her erratic mother (Krista Kosonen). The screenplay, however, leaves those issues disappointingly unresolved. She’s still compelling, however, as she travels the Backrooms.

Meanwhile, Kat & Bobby are a fun duo, which makes it a shame what happens to them. Mark Duplass shows up as Phil, a researcher with the organization ASync. He’s fine, but Avan Jagia is even better as Naren Warne, an ill-fated colleague in the prologue. 

And finally, we come to the Still Lifes, the Backrooms’ distorted recreations of certain humans. While most of them are harmless, Clark’s Still Life, representing himself as his store’s pirate mascot, is the main monster. One can hopefully assume that Robert Bobroczkyi was cast as “Cap’n Clark” specifically for his massive 7’7’’ frame. The CGI augmentations used on him and the other Still Lifes are unbelievably seamless. While we're at it, I can assume that some CGI was used for the deepest parts of the Backrooms. 

Should I See It?

You'll have to work out the mechanics of the Backrooms along with its cast. The denouement barely scratches the surface of what it is, which considering all the lore being created for it, is pretty appropriate. This makes it an oddly good starting point for this world. So, yes, it is worth a trip. Unlike the actual movie, safety is guaranteed. I think I've said enough.

Obsession

 This summer, two horror movies by YouTube personalities have topped the box-office. Both easily made their budgets back within days. And I’m late to reviewing both of them. Let's first check out America’s newest horror obsession… Obsession.

Its aforementioned personality, Curry Barker, and this film’s co-star, Cooper Tomlinson, front the channel that’s a bad idea. His debut feature, Milk & Serial, debuted on YouTube just a few years ago. In his theatrical debut, we meet Baron “Bear” Bailey (Michael Johnston) as he’s being coached by best-bud Ian (Tomlinson) on how to confess to Nikki (Inde Navarette), their mutual co-worker at a music store. After he gets cold feet again, Bear buys a “One Wish Willow,” a toy branch that can apparently grant any wish if you snap it in two. He wishes for Nikki to love him, and it works.

Soon enough, Nikki becomes hopelessly devoted to Bear. Her personality, however, becomes increasingly possessive and erratic, to the point that she switches moods in split-seconds. It’s as if she’s been replaced by something that doesn’t even know how to pass for human. That’s pretty much the case, even if the film doesn’t completely spell it out. Sure, Bear likes his new relationship, but if he doesn’t get the curse reversed, “Freaky” Nikki will be the death of him and his friends.

Bear maybe the protagonist, but Freaky Nikki is the real star of the show. It’s surprisingly fun to watch Navarette go all out for Nikki’s mood swings. She spins unnerving monologues about death for minutes, then switch to calm like that. Her often-childish personality seems like a parody of someone like Alex in Fatal Attraction. Late in the film, however, you’re brutally reminded just how much of a danger she is to herself and others. That is, if her fascination with Bear’s dead cat didn’t clue you in sooner. She's an oddly sympathetic "villainess," while normal Nikki is more unquestionably sympathetic.

So, what about our actual protagonist? Tomlinson is so pleasantly dorky as Bear - refer to the opening - that it’s sometimes easy to overlook how morally deficient he is. Any sympathy you’ll have for him after his cat’s death evaporates once he fully comprehends what he did… and he barely cares. Even his ultimate heroic sacrifice is debatably heroic; let’s just leave it at that.

Sarah (Megan Lawless), the fourth member of Bear’s friend group, is significantly more likable. She’s mostly just there to be the cool wing-woman of the group with a little selfish secret. But she’s just likable when she gets to be alone with Bear at one point. Granted, I could tell from a mile away that she wouldn’t survive that scene, but not how suddenly and brutally it would happen. You probably won’t either. 

On a lighter note, Andy Richter also shows up as Sarah’s dad and manager, which is neat. Tomlinson, meanwhile, is fine as Ian, while Barker himself pops in as the voice of the unhelpful rep of the Willow’s makers. 

Now, we get to the technical stuff here. Cinematographer Taylor Clemons truly shines, ironically enough, when he obscures Freaky Nikki in shadows. One of her earliest scenes has her eyes seemingly glow in the dark. Special attention must be given to the makeup team that helped Navarette blend in with the dark. Barker, as the editor, usually leaves the camera running for quite a bit (sometimes more than anyone would ever want to see). These images are set to an unforgettably ominous score by Rock Burwell.

Just recently, Barker just finished his second professional feature, Anything but Ghosts, which sounds like a modern riff on those Golden Age supernatural comedies (or it might not be funny at all). I’m ready to see that, whenever that is. That anticipation goes to show how good a professional debut Obsession is. I think you might agree too. See it soon.

The Mandalorian and Grogu

 Welcome back to the Galaxy …

Years ago, when I looked at The Rise of Skywalker, I mused that Star Wars could use a few years of dormancy. Small Screen aside, the franchise is finally back with The Mandalorian and Grogu, the feature debut of the stars of Disney Plus's The Mandalorian. With showrunner Jon Favreau at the helm, this might be the way. 

Maybe.

Din Djarin, The Mandalorian (Pedro Pascal when he’s unmasked; Brendan Wayne or Lateef Crowder when he isn’t, though it’s still Pascal talking), is a bounty hunter cut from the same cloth as franchise favorite Boba Fett. Grogu is a force-wielding moppet from the same species as another franchise favorite, Yoda. Together, they fight the remnants of the Galactic Empire. After a hunt in the cold open, their employer, Col. Ward (Sigourney Weaver) sends him on another. 

Their quarry, this time, is Commander Janu Coin (Jonny Coyne; yes, really). Jabba the Hutt’s twin siblings (whose actors are probably a national secret) know where he is, but they’ll only talk if “Mando” retrieves their nephew, Rotta the Hutt (Jeremy Allen White). Our heroes find Rotta as a gladiator on the planet Shakari, where they conveniently find Coin as Rotta’s handler. It also turns out that the twins want Rotta dead, and they’ve hired the bounty hunter Embo to make it so. Our heroes will have to get out of this somehow, but you know they will.

Obviously, its biggest draws are right there in the title. Mando provides most of the cool action, particularly with his fight with - and even within - Imperial Walkers in the opening. But since Mando is mostly helmeted, Grogu is supposed to be the emotional anchor. I mean, when Mando is incapacitated by the twins’ Dragon-Snake, we’re fully invested in Grogu as he searches for a cure. Despite some emotional suspense, it’s obvious from a mile away that Mando will pull through. Nevertheless, it’s still fun watching the little guy do his thing. It’s also nice watching him and Mando’s surrogate familial relationship play out; it's even funnier considering that Grogu is actually older than Mando!

Let's see who else is in their Galaxy. There's Rotta, who's so buff that he looks like a photorealistic Battletoad. That aside, he's an upstanding guy who gets to showcase his fighting skills a few times. None other than Martin Scorsese also features as Hugo Durant, who helps lead Mando to Rotta. He's so entertaining that I'm kind of disappointed he wasn't in the film a whole lot. Stephen Mckinley Henderson, as the aquatic fisherman Gatori, also makes the most of his limited screentime. Commander Coin is surprisingly funny, while the Twins are perfectly detestable. Weaver is mostly fine as Ward, but just her showing up flying an X-Wing in the climax is just cool. Keep in mind, some of these "new" characters are actually franchise veterans making their live-action/movie debuts. Fortunately, you won't be lost if you haven't kept up with everything ever.

What else can you expect from behind the scenes? As with the show, Grogu was brought to life with some spectacular puppeteering work. It's practically impossible to tell how much of him was digitally augmented, if at all. The obviously digital creatures, meanwhile, are still an interesting bunch. We get to see Rotta battle a bunch in Coin's colosseum, before they turn on the audience (long story). The opening battle is spectacular, even interesting as the Walkers' march along a mountain might make one think of Hannibal's. All the action afterwards is still up to that old Star Wars standard, though it's also a bit overlong. Ludwig Goransson returns from the show to score the film, even giving us a few renditions of the show's opening theme. His work is just as good as John Williams' standards, though I wouldn't bet on Oscar number four here.

The Mandalorian and Grogu begin and end their film the same characters. The same holds true of their Galaxy. This movie is just an adventure for them, and not a narrative progression like the Downton Abbey trilogy. It's also 113-minutes long, which is way too long for a story this thin. But if you're just here for some Star Wars action, as well as its titular characters, you'll do fine. I did fine; how about you?

The Blue Trail

 The Blue Trail, one of five films edged out by The Secret Agent as Brazil’s Oscar entry, is now readily available stateside. Due to Oscar rules, it won’t be in contention for anything next year. Let’s see if you should check it out anyway.

In the not-too-distant future, the Brazilian government mandates that the elderly be sent to elsewhere for the sake of the economy. Nobody ever hears from them again, which is a reasonable cause for concern for 77-year-old Tereza (Denise Weinberg). She's now at the new age limit, which used to be eighty, so she's forced into retirement, placed under the care of her daughter Joanna (Clarissa Pinheiro), and bestowed some patronizing honors. It's only a matter of time before she's bused off to "The Colony."

In the meantime, Tereza decides to go on her first plane ride. But since Joanna won’t let her fly commercial, she resorts to flying illegal. She pays a boat captain, Cadu (Rodrigo Santoro), to take her up the Amazon to an airport in Itacoatiara. Ludemir (Adanillo), her likeliest pilot, is grounded by mechanical and money problems. She finds better luck back on the water with Roberta (Miriam Socorrás), a digital-Bible seller who bought her freedom. She finds temporary freedom with the hallucinogenic mucus of a “blue drool snail.” But there’s still the threat of being sent elsewhere …

Which isn't exactly as prevalent as it sounds. 

One wouldn’t expect a dystopian film to be leisurely, but this one is. There’s no tangible adversary pursuing Tereza, who's mostly impeded instead by obnoxious rules lawyers. While she gets caught midway through, it’s literally clear sailing once she escapes. If the colony has a terrible secret, like in Logan’s Run, we’re never made aware of it. Still, ominous graffiti - one of which reads “Give Me Back My Grandma!” - hints at nothing good, but it is good world-building. But director Gabriel Mascaro is more concerned with Tereza’s personal journey than a broader scope.

And what can you expect out of this journey? For starters, cinematographer Guillermo Garza's work is a delightfully scenic trip across the Amazon. Its most striking images, however, center around its most bizarre turn - a fish fight. Yes, fish fight, which people like Tereza gamble on. Bizarre as it is, you'll be happy with her when she wins big. Further along, we have Memo Guerra's eerily serene score, as well as a quirky ensemble assembled by The Secret Agent's own Gabriel Domingues. There's Tereza, of course, who's quite compelling as she navigates her absurd society. She's pretty good when paired with Cadu, but she's glorious when paired with Roberta. Cadu makes the most of his screentime, but Roberta should have been in the film a bit more. 

I think it's worth going on The Blue Trail even once. Sure, it's only 86-minutes long, which means some concepts and characters aren't fully utilized. But Tereza's personal journey makes it an interesting one. If anything, it's not your typical dystopian film. I think I said enough. 

The Sheep Detectives

Hey, Daisy Mae, you might want to take this one!

Ah, The Sheep Detectives! Don't mind if I do.

Over twenty years since they debuted, the ovine sleuths of Leonie Swann’s novel Glennkill (aka Three Bags Full) are now movie stars in The Sheep Detectives. That's the kind of title that tells ewe what it's all about. Let's see what else it is.

So, we have George Hardy (Hugh Jackman), a shepherd just outside of Denbrook, England. He doesn’t care for most of the townsfolk, but he’s all for his flock. Each night, he reads them a mystery novel, even if they can’t understand a word he’s saying. But amongst themselves, the flock have a lot to say. Lily (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), in particular, is usually on the ball about the killers in each story. But death is a foreign concept for them until the morning they find George dead - actually dead.

As the town's only cop, the inept Tim Derry (Nicholas Braun), gets on the case, Lily leads the flock in their own investigation. Her co-investigators include Mopple (Chris O'Dowd), who remembers everything; Sebastian (Bryan Cranston), the loner; twins Reggie & Ronnie (both Brett Goldstein); Cloud (Regina Hall); and Sir Ritchfield (Patrick Stewart). They've got a few suspects, including Caleb (Tosin Cole); Ham (Conleth Hill) the Butcher; Elliot (Nicholas Galitzine), a visiting reporter; and Rebecca (Molly Gordon), George's previously unknown daughter. Can they help steer Officer Tim to the right one?

One can easily dismiss it as silly fluff - which it is - but they’d be surprised at how poignant it gets. George’s death is an existential shock for Lily, which she can't blank out like most of her flock (and a more cavalier film) could. You'll definitely feel for her as she confronts the truth of the world (which involves another sinister secret). One sheep's death flags are raised from a mile away, but the actual moment still hurts. Still, it gets philosophical and funny when Sebastian talks about God, or when the inquisitive sheep Zora (Bella Ramsey) questions the meaning of life. You'll have to see those moments for yourself.

Its poignancy wouldn't work if we didn't like George. Thankfully, Jackman makes him quite enjoyable in life, and even beyond that (including in Lily's dreams). As for his fellow humans, Officer Tim going from loser to gumshoe is quite compelling, while Rebecca is pretty likable. Denbrook's residents, which also include innkeeper Beth (Hong Chau) and Rev. Hillcoate (Kobna Holdbrook-Smith), are a delightfully quirky bunch. Emma Thompson walks over the scenery as George's lawyer, Lydia Harbottle. As for the killer, they get so much screentime I wonder if Msgr. Knox would cry foul. But I digress.

Of course, the real stars of the show are the flock, and what's more to say? They all have great personalities and voicework behind them. You'd be surprised at how much you can learn about sheep, particularly the differences between spring and winter lambs. How is that relevant? One winter lamb (Tommy Birchall) is ostracized by the flock until he helps save the day. Anyway, this lamb and the rest of the flock were visualized by some very convincing CGI. Not a single sheep is out of place, and it's hard to tell if shepherd Kyle Balda got some real sheep too. Even if you can tell they're computerized, you'll stop caring very early. 

Needless to say, The Sheep Detectives is an excellent murder mystery. Its delightful ensemble of animal sleuths and their ewe-nique perspectives are sure to entertain everyone in your herd. Hopefully, it can follow Babe to a Best Picture nomination at the Oscars and bring a few more names - like writer Craig Mazin and composer Christophe Beck - along for the ride. It's anything but baad. Just flock on over to your local cineplex for a splendid matinee.

 I've said enough.

Wow, you've nailed just about the same points I would have!

Mortal Kombat II

 Who’s ready for more Kombat?!

It’s been five years since Mortal Kombat was given a new cinematic life. It could have been a shorter wait if Warner Bros. hadn't benched Mortal Kombat II from last October to now. Let’s see if the wait was worth it.

After Shang Tsung (Chin Han) spent a whole movie trying to win it by default, the Mortal Kombat tournament officially begins. Thunder God Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) recruits one more Kombatant - former action star Johnny Cage (Karl Urban) - for his roster just before game time. Unsurprisingly, without much prep time, Johnny loses his big match with Outworld’s Princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph).

Meanwhile, Outworld’s Overlord Shao Kahn (Martyn Ford) plans his own cheating with the help of a magical amulet, which makes him immortal. Naturally, Johnny and the other Mortals have to separate the MacGuffin from this big bad. They get surprisingly good help from Kitana, a double-agent for Raiden, and Kano (Josh Lawson), the newly resurrected lout that had the amulet on him (for reasons). They’ll have to hurry before Kahn can annex Earth.

Kano, who was one of the best parts of the last film, is unsurprisingly one of the best parts of this one. He not only has some of its funniest lines, but he gets its most weirdly fascinating character arc. While he's still an unrepentant lout, he joins the heroes to save his vices from Outworld's nothingness. Yes, it's a selfish motivation, but it's a logical step for this character. As the Kingpin said in the 90's Spider-Man show, "there's no profit to be had in the destruction of the planet." Him complimenting a peach in Hanzo/Scorpion's (Hiroyuki Sanada) afterlife garden further shows a nice side to him.

This time, Johnny joins Kano in all the fun. They’re both funny together, while Johnny’s character arc is decently compelling. He’s a reluctant hero who knows that he’s unprepared for Kombat. But he still wins against the monstrous Baraka (CJ Bloomfield) with such tenacity that he also wins his opponent’s loyalty. While theoretically sidelined for most of the film, he still saves the day spectacularly along with Kano and Scorpion.

Kitana, meanwhile, gets the most substantial character arc here. In the film's most devastating fight, her father Jerrod (Desmond Chiam) was slain by Khan in the final round of a previous tournament. That prologue efficiently sets up the stakes - emotional and narrative - for the subsequent Kombat. So, it's only natural that she gets the final battle with Khan - you'll just have to see how she challenges him. She has excellent chemistry with her best friend and bodyguard, Jade (Tati Gabrielle), but shockingly nonexistent chemistry with her undead mother, Sindel (Ana Thu Nguyen). Sindel mowed down some of Khan's goons in the prologue, but she doesn't get much relevance after that. Why?!

I only saw the first film on HBOMax, which wasn't an option this time. This time, I was right there with an audience that oohed and aahed at all of this film's Fatalities. All the head-smashing, body-splitting and even immolating were clearly digital, but they were still pretty effective imagery. Some of the Kombatants were more compelling than others, but their fights won't disappoint you if that's all you want. Meanwhile, we briefly see a bit of one of Johnny's films, which is deliberately and delightfully awful. Deliberately exquisite, meanwhile, are the cinematography by Stephen F. Windom, score by Benjamin Wallfisch and production design (digital and practical) by Yohei Taneda. 

A more fine-tuned script could have made Mortal Kombat II a flawless victory. Nevertheless, it’s still a well-played game that’s not only a better sequel to a mostly stiff film, but a better Mortal Kombat sequel than Annihilation. To answer my earlier inquiry, it was worth the wait, though I hope they don't make a habit out of it. I'm interested to see what they do for MK3. I think I said enough.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime the Movie: Tears of the Azure Sea

 Do you remember the time That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime got a movie? I do.

It's time for the slime, Rimuru Tempest, to be reincarnated again on the big screen. This one's subtitled Tears of the Azure Sea, and it's just in time for summer. You'll understand the significance in a second.

This time, Rimuru and his retinue fly by dragon to their ally, Elmesia's, island resort. They have nothing to worry about under the sun, except for the occasional nuclear magic strikes on the neighboring undersea kingdom of Kaien. Yes, nuclear magic. But nobody on the island's actually worried about them.

Perhaps the islanders should be worried about Kaien's Great Water Dragon, which can be summoned with a magic flute. Yura, priestess of Kaien, made off with the flute in the cold open. She took it to prevent Kaien's evil ministers, Djeese and Zodon, from using the dragon for evil. Rimuru gets involved when his goblin retainer, Gobta, saves Yura from her pursuers. As sparks fly between Gobta and Yura, the merry monsters set out to stop the conspiracy. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

For those interested, this film takes place between the anime's third and fourth seasons (the latter just premiered last month). You won't be lost too much in its standalone plot, but thanks to Rimuru's opening narration, you'll understand why the franchise got its name (unlike last time). You still need a character guide to keep up with everyone in Rimuru's massive retinue, but you'll do fine as long as you focus on a select few (Rimuru himself, Gobta, the ogres Shion & Shuna, Elyun the elf, Ranga the wolf, and their guest Yuna). There's a bunch of shenanigans amongst the cast - like comical jealousy - before they get involved with the plot. The ministers are stockish, but there's a nice narrative jolt when Zodon double-crosses Djeese. I was practically stunned that there was such a thing as nuclear magic, though I could barely understand who and why kept attacking.

Gobta, who was barely a character in Scarlet Bond, basks in the narrative sun. While the series mostly treats him as a laid-back loser, this film gives the little dude a surprisingly endearing romance with Yura. They have great chemistry, whether it's with them outrunning her pursuers or just sharing a float. And for a laid-back loser, Gobta proves himself a tough little dude in battle.  In fact, they outrun Yura's pursuers so long I almost thought Rimuru and the others would be completely sidelined here. Why shouldn't they be together? It's obviously because it's a filler movie, which the ending painfully (not tragically) reminds us of. 

It's a beach movie, so naturally, the scenery and colors are pleasant. Both the surface and underwater worlds look nice, with a limestone cave being a particular highlight for the former. Most of Rimuru's retinue only stand out during the final battle, and they've got some nifty powers to show off.  The Great Water Dragon is ferocious, even if its personality is generic. Hitoshi Fujima's score is fine, but the most unforgettable sounds come from the nuclear magic strikes. Anyone who knows what to expect from the source anime will also get it good here.

While Scarlet Bond traveled some rough narrative waters, Tears of the Azure Sea is a trip through the shallow end, both in narrative and in stakes. Still, thanks to its quirky cast, it's fun while it lasts. If anything soured me on this movie, it's that the theatre forgot to play any trailers before the movie AGAIN. It's not the movie's fault, though. All in all, this slime time is a good summer matinee time. It'll be a while before it streams on Crunchyroll, so see it soon if you want to. I've said enough.

The Devil Wears Prada 2

All right everyone, gird your loins! 

Jethro's coming in hot with a review of The Devil Wears Prada 2. This sequel's been a longtime coming, so ...

Hi, Daisy Mae. You don't need to oversell it. I won't.

Okay...

The Devil Wears Prada 2

Oh yes, Miranda Priestly. You may know her from Laura Weisberger's novel, The Devil Wears Prada. You may know her better from David Frankel's film of the novel, where Meryl Streep added another Oscar nomination as her. Will she add another one for this sequel? I don't know, but it's still worth a watch.

In the first film, Miranda's beleaguered assistant Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway) walked out on her in Paris. In this one, Andy is a celebrated journalist until she and her co-workers are laid off by text during an awards show. Meanwhile, Miranda's magazine Runway, already a shell of its former self, is hit with bad press after it's revealed they endorsed an unethical fashion brand. Irv Ravitz (Tibor Feldman), the magazine's publisher, hires Andy as the new features editor to help spin some good press. Andy tries to be cordial, but Miranda refuses.

Andy also reunites with Miranda's number-two, Nigel Kipling (Stanley Tucci), and her former rival, Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), who now works at Dior. Things soon look up for Runway after Andy books an interview with wealthy influencer Sasha Barnes (Lucy Liu). But when Irv keels over at his own birthday party, his son Jay (BJ Novak) takes over with dreams of downsizing. Andy decides to go behind Miranda's back to save their magazine. But will she accidentally make things worse?

Did you know that Weisberger wrote two sequels to the original novel? Revenge Wears Prada: The Devil Returns and When Life Gives You Lululemons. Well, returning writer Aline Brosh McKenna isn't adapting either of them. Just thought I'd let you know.

I haven't seen the first movie since its first release, but I still remember bits of it (like the Harry Potter subplot). Those who've watched it more frequently, meanwhile, will certainly get a kick out of its two leads. It's pretty amusing, for example, to watch Miranda try to tone down her mean boss attitude. She's certainly mean and fun with Andy, but she also has several valid points. Andy's scheming, meanwhile, is rather understandable once you consider that she's out to save her only viable job. After everything in the first movie, it's pretty nice to see them come to a mutual understanding at the end.

Further down the cast, we have Emily, who's still a fun frenemy for Andy. Like with Miranda, they eventually come to a mutual understanding, maybe too quickly. Nigel may be noticeably older, but he's still that same witty mentor whose command opened my review. His ultimate secret makes reasonable sense. As for the new cast, Patrick Brammall is fine as Andy's new boyfriend Peter, while Kenneth Branagh makes the most of his screentime as Miranda's husband, Stuart (I thought he was her husband in the first film; guess I didn't remember that well). Once Sasha enters the plot, I spent the whole film waiting for her to come back, which she only does at the end. I thought the plot would've hinged on her big wedding, but nope. Her ex-husband, Benji (Justin Theroux), plays more of an active role since he bids for Runway. I'll leave it to you to guess how he's outwitted.

Frankel also brings back the likes of Florian Ballhaus (cinematographer), Theodore Shapiro (composer), Ellen Lewis (casting director, this time with Shayna Markowitz), and Jess Gonchor (production designer). Even costume designer Molly Rogers, who takes over from the first film's Oscar-nominated Patricia Field, was her associate in the first film. The most significant newcomer is editor Andrew Marcus, taking over for the late Mark Livolsi. What they've created is a world as familiar as its characters. Anyone expecting elaborate - also nomination worthy - outfits, stylish offices for Runway, and glamorous location filming (this time, Milan), will get it good. As for me, I barely remember Irv from the first film, and his sudden death was quite a shock; so, we're good in editing. 

The Devil Wears Prada 2 is mostly concerned with bringing the band back together, both on and off-screen. It's not entirely groundbreaking, except for some of its outfits, but it's still pretty fun. For what it is, it kicks off this year's summer movie season with some style. Just wait for what else I'm planning to review.

That's it.

Michael

The Word Is Out, So Here’s Mine.

Wait a While, and You’ll Do Fine

As People Talk (Don’t Leave Your Seat)

Before He Sings (Cause It’s a Treat)

And now, a longer review of Michael, the year's most anticipated biopic.

A few reviews have taken the film to task for ignoring certain aspects of its subject's life. A lot of it is due to legal reasons, including a settlement that nobody told the filmmakers about until it almost wrapped. More of it is due to the film ending in 1988, years before these aspects unfurled. For this review, I will try to focus on the film that director Antoine Fuqua, writer John Logan, their multiple editors (including Oscar-winners John Ottman, Conrad Buff IV and Tom Cross), and others ended up creating. 

Anyway, it begins in 1966, where Daddy Dearest Joseph (Colman Domingo) gets Michael and his Older Brothers to form The Jackson 5. They hit it big when they sign on with Motown Records, whose founder Berry Gordy (Larenz Tate) sees solo greatness in Michael. But Joseph wants Michael on the family act forever and ever. Michael creates hit after hit, some bigger than others, while wrestling out of his father's control. Yeah, I think that's about it.

Michael Jackson, of course, is played by his nephew Jaafar. Between his pitch-perfect voice and dance moves, it’s easy to forget you’re watching an actor for two hours. Chances are, you won’t even notice that Jaafar’s vocals were blended with Michael’s. Jaafar even nails his uncle's off-stage affability, which helps get one through the film's slower parts (mostly between songs). He's even pitiable enough that it might make one reconsider joking about MJ's eccentricities. For all anyone’s concerned, the King of Pop lives again.

No scene makes that clearer than when he films the Thriller music video. Its cinematic recreation, filmed by Dion Beebe, is just as fresh as it was forty-three years ago. I could watch its dance on infinite loop! It's even exhilarating to watch Michael's creativeness at work as he brainstorms the eponymous album's name. Meanwhile, getting actual gang members to dance on Beat It perfectly displays his charm. The Bad finale is nice and loud, almost concert-level loud. It's particularly interesting to watch Michael in the studio, as we switch between him singing to nothing and the engineers listening to the backing track. Needless to say, this film sounds great.

Domingo's performance is fascinatingly weird. Early on, Joseph whips young Michael (Juliano Krue Valdi, who also nails his role) for protesting his non-stop rehearsal schedule (it's so tough to watch). From then on, he's utterly terrifying when he's alone with Michael, even as an adult. With the whole family present, he's a card-carrying villain who talks of his selfishness like a smooth DJ. Still, him being more concerned with Michael being able to perform after the fiery Pepsi accident, rather than his well-being, isn't very nice. It's still satisfying whenever Michael stands up to him, especially the final Victory Tour concert. 

Who else do we have in the cast? For starters, there's Bubbles the Chimp, who's played by an obvious CGI chimpanzee. He's still an obviously enjoyable CGI chimpanzee, so there's that. If I do have any gripes, it's that the film barely acknowledges The Wiz, where MJ played Scarecrow and met producer Quincy Jones (Kendrick Sampson). In the narrative, he and Jones just know each other; still, Sampson's pretty good in the role. In fact, so is Tate as Gordy, along with co-stars Miles Teller (MJ's attorney, John Branca), KeiLyn Durrel Jones (bodyguard Bill Bray) and Nia Long (Mother Katherine). I can't believe that I didn't recognize Mike Meyers as CBS Records president Walter Yetnikoff, whose only scene is hilariously awesome.

A Captain Obvious title reminds us that "His Story Continues." There's been talk of a sequel, largely due to all the footage left out of this one, and especially due to Michael's reputation. I'm a bit curious, and mostly concerned, with how they'll portray the aforementioned aspects. There's a lot of wrong moves they could make with them, and I'll leave it at that. Right now, feel free to moonwalk to this instalment. Sure, you might save a lot of money by playing his greatest hits at home, but this one's visual aspects make it worthwhile. 

I'm going to stop now that I've had enough.

Cosmic Princess Kaguya!

 Cosmic Princess Kaguya! has been hanging around Netflix ever since January, but I didn’t have time for it then. Better late than never, I suppose.

Iroha Sakayori is a high-schooler living by herself in Tokyo. Between her schoolwork and odd jobs, she’s running on fumes by the time she finds a baby inside a utility pole. The guest ages rapidly into Iroha’s peer within a matter of days. It turns out she’s from the moon, much like Princess Kaguya from the ancient fairytale The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter. And Kaguya is what Iroha names her.

To keep Kaguya busy, Iroha introduces her to her favorite virtual world, Tsukuyomi. Its virtual administrator, Yachiyo Runami, announces that the most popular streamers will get to perform a concert with her. Kaguya gets Iroha team up as a streaming duo to win that contest. Overtime, Kaguya and Iroha become besties, perhaps more.

Meanwhile, Kaguya’s fellow Lunarians want to take her away, which is how the fairytale ended. This Kaguya doesn’t want her story to end like that. But will her friends be able to defy her destiny? There’s also much more to Yachiyo than meets the eye…

The main draw of Shingo Yamashita’s directorial debut is Iroha and Kaguya’s relationship. I’m sure you’ve probably seen a Manic Pixie Dream Girl relationship before. But how many of them are based on ancient folklore? Seriously, they have great chemistry, even when Kaguya indirectly irritates Iroha. They spend most of the movie hanging out together, sometimes with Iroha's gal pals, Roka & Mami, which is pretty fun. Deep into the film, when they start holding hands, you’ll be hoping their tale ends differently. Without this endearing relationship, the film’s needlessly massive 142-minute runtime would have been unendurable.

So, why else the long runtime? There are a few epic online battles, most notably one set in a tower-defense game called Kassen and one against the Lunarians during Kaguya’s last concert, which go on for quite a while. The latter battle, which adapts the fairytale’s climax, results in the most viciously convincing fake-out ending I’ve ever seen. Just when it makes you think it's over … turns out there’s a half-hour left! It then runs on fumes for the final stretch, as we get stuff like a timey-wimey ball thrown in. They really should've been folded in earlier. That said, Yachiyo's big secret makes some decent sense.

Our heroines' streaming rivals are a trio called Black OnyX, whose leader, Akira Mikado, is Iroha's IRL brother. He's pretty important to the plot, but his buddies - the brothers Rai and Noi Komazawa - are mostly just there. We don't even get to see the Komazawas IRL until the epilogue! They're still pretty decent guys, though. Iroha and Mikado's mother is fine, though we also don't get to see much of her. The same goes for Kaguya and Yachiyo's virtual buddies, InuDOGE & Fuji - there's a reason why I grouped them together. I think I've covered all the characters.

Composer Hiroaki "Conisch" Konishi gives us a nifty techno-traditional score. I must point to the intro, when we're introduced to Tsukuyomi, as a major highlight. The numerous songwriters are all associated with Vocaloid, which are personified voice synthesizers/virtual pop stars (they had a movie last year - Colorful Stage! - which I skipped.). I probably would gravitate to these peppy songs more if I wasn't too old. I still liked the production design for Tsukuyomi, with its futuristic feudal Japan aesthetics and animal-esque avatars. The Lunarians are so unearthly, in more ways than one, that they own their limited screentime. Much more appealing are the film's bright color palette, as well as our heroines' exaggerated facial expressions. 

Cosmic Princess Kaguya! is a long sit, so I hope you make yourself comfy. Just focus on its two heroines and you'll be fine. Nobody is detestable, not even the Lunarians, so there's that. With Colorful Stage! now on home media, maybe I might review it this year, too. But I think I have another musical extravaganza on the docket. I'll give you a hint - it's not an anime.

That's it for now.

Scarlet

 You know, I didn't want Mamoru Hosoda's latest anime epic, Scarlet, to straggle on my review calendar. I was hoping to review it last December, when Sony promised it would come out on the twelfth. But then ...

1. Its wide release went to February 6th.

2. When that day came, it was only available in one theater with two showings a day. One in the afternoon, the other late at night. Said theater is nearly an hour's bus ride, and my local bus system doesn't run all day.

3. On the following week - its actual, for real, wide release date - it still didn't play near me. And that one theater? It didn't have it anymore!

4. Which leads me once again to Amazon, which finally knocked down the rental price after a month.

The Review

In this take on Hamlet, Princess Scarlet (Erin Yvette in the dub) of Denmark lived a happy life with her father, the Good King Amleth (Fred Tatasciore). How good is he? When his evil brother, Claudius (David Kaye), has him executed on treason, nobody buys the charges. Scarlet then bides her time to avenge her father's foul and most unnatural murder. Unfortunately, when she finally gets the chance, Claudius hoists her by her own poisoned cup. 

Scarlet finds herself in The Otherworld, which is pretty much limbo for souls across time and space. Claudius is here too, and he’s looking for the literal stairway to heaven. But if Scarlet can kill him again beforehand, he’ll fade into literal nothingness. Scarlet sets out to do just that. Along the way, she meets Hijiri (Chris Hackney), a pacifist paramedic from modern day Japan. Scarlet's quest for vengeance is thrown for a loop once she hears her father's last word: "forgive." She'll have to figure out what that means before she fades into nothingness as well.

If there’s any reason to watch it, it’s for the visuals. The technical detail in The Otherworld and its domains is nothing short of awe-inspiring. The infinite desertscape is just as striking as the gateway to infinity. The sky looks like an ocean, where a thunderous, vaguely explained dragon, flies through. The character animation, a blend of 3D and 2D aesthetics, is a bit rough, but it’s easy to get used to it. Meanwhile, the land of the living is animated in a more recognizable and colorful 2D style. Taisei Iwasaki's ethereal - sometimes haunting - score fits right in with the visuals, even if they're often overshadowed by the sound effects. 

Because it has a hard time explaining itself. Why Claudius is suddenly in The Otherworld is a mystery that's somewhat solved in the coda. But how did he build his own Kingdom of the Undead so suddenly? How did Amleth's four executioners wind up in The Otherworld too? On whose side Scarlet & Hijiri on when Claudius' undead army starts storming for Heaven? What's the deal with the old woman (Juanita Jennings) who pops in and out? And what exactly is the Dragon? Hosoda probably wants you to figure them out for yourself. But even the smartest viewers might have a hard time wrapping their heads around the nature of Amleth's last words. After all the glorious fighting and Claudius being such a despot while alive, Scarlet forgiving him is a bit narratively underwhelming. I say a bit, because it leads to an interestingly proactive take on Hamlet Act 3, Scene 3.

It's pretty easy to get behind Scarlet's quest for vengeance. On the one hand, she and Amleth share an endearing father-daughter relationship in the brief screentime they have. On the other hand, Scarlet's quest hasn't diminished her capacity for kindness, as evidenced by her interactions with a refugee girl. She and Hijiri have great chemistry together, even if it's somewhat hobbled by the screenplay. Midway through, Scarlet sees herself dancing with Hijiri in his time in an actual musical number (Aaron Encinas sings for Hijiri). As odd as it is, it's still one of their best moments together, with a close second being their last. Again, a better fleshed out script could have made it perfect.

The film's renditions of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern (Ian Cardoni & Michael Yurchak) are as dopey as they are legitimately creepy. They're responsible for one of the film's biggest gut punches; the other one is the manner of Hijiri's mortal death. Queen Gertrude (Michelle Wong), despite being practically complicit in Claudius's coup, just frowns around for most of the film. It kind of makes it funny when she runs off at the end. Voltemand & Cornelius (Jamieson Price & Tatasciore), the more sympathetic of Amleth's executioners, make for pretty good allies. The other two executioners, Polonius & Laertes (Jason Marnocha & Yuri Lowenthal), are practically unrecognizable from Hamlet, but are still decent bad guys.

Despite its imperfections, I'm at least relieved to have finally seen Scarlet. Sure, it doesn't live up to Mirai or especially Belle, but it still exemplifies Hosoda's technical prowess. It's worth checking out at least once, specifically on the biggest screen you have. You'll understand why once you see The Otherworld. I think I've said enough.

The Drama

 It’s been a few weeks now since The Drama came out, which is probably enough time for its “big twist” to become public knowledge. I guess it’s about as good as time to check it out, so let’s do it.

Kristoffer Borgli (Dream Scenario) introduces us to Charlie (Robert Pattinson) and Emma (Zendaya) as they “meet cute” at a Boston Coffee Shop. A few years later, it’s T-Minus one week before their wedding. Charlie has writers block over his big speech, but that pales in comparison to its big twist. That comes during a night out with fellow couple Rachel (Alana Haim) and Mike (Mamoudou Athie), the maid of honor and best man respectively. Rachel proposes that they all share their worst deeds. 

Mike’s ex provoked a stray dog, so he used her as a human shield. Charlie “might’ve” cyberbullied a classmate out of town. Rachel locked a “slow” neighbor in an abandoned RV for days. Emma planed a school shooting, but ultimately backed out for …

Wait, what?!

The big twist touches a raw nerve for Rachel, whose cousin Sam (Anna Baryshnikov) was paralyzed in an actual attack. Charlie crumbles under the weight of Emma’s potential dark side. Mike is just there, though he's a good guy. Anyway, everyone’s just going to have to get through the week, somehow. But will Charlie and Emma even have a happily wedded life afterwards? Yeah, that twist is a lot to take in, isn't it?

Besides the twist, we also have Borgli & Joshua Raymond Lee’s disorienting editing style to consider. It likes to jump back and forth between time in short bursts. It also likes to make us question if we’re watching reality or proverbial imagination. It’s definitely the latter, for instance, when Charlie imagines the younger Emma (Jordyn Curet) in the present one’s place (I don’t know why). They and the audience are haunted by disturbing hallucinations, including a wedding day shooting. It’s such a chronological frenzy that, when the big day happens, I was briefly unsure if it was for real. Its narrative unease is accentuated by a stellar technical crew, especially composer Daniel Pemberton, cinematographer Arseni Khachaturan and the sound designers.

Amongst the main four, I found Emma to be the most sympathetic. While Rachel was very justified in being upset, Emma was the only one at the table who was remotely remorseful for her actions (everyone else, including Rachel, brushed theirs off with essentially "we were young and stupid."). She ultimately backed out of her plot for a somewhat selfish reason, though a little more narrative tissue could've easily strengthened it. Still, there are some great laughs when an uncooperative computer disrupts her filming her manifesto. She and Charlie also have some great chemistry together, especially during the bittersweet, yet hopeful ending.

What else do we have here? There's a wedding photographer who frames a session with a very unfortunate choice of words. Sam, in her only real scene, shares it with Charlie, and they're pretty good together. Misha (Hailey Gates), Charlie's co-worker, is quite sympathetic when she gets roped into this mess. Her boyfriend, Blake (Michael Abbott Jr.), factors into the wedding's disastrous conclusion. Charlie, by himself, gets his best scene when he atones for another misdeed and defends Emma during his big speech. Yeah, I think that's it.

So, do you want to RSVP to The Drama? It's not an easy film to like, especially with its big twist, but its hopeful finale might make it worth it. Sure, you probably might have other ways to spend 106-minutes, and I'll let you RSVP to those. As for me, I have to get through more reviews. The month is almost done, and this is my second?! Let's get going!

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie

So, I've been thinking.

With this movie being The Super Mario Galaxy Movie, where will they go from here? The Super Mario Land Movie and The Super Mario World Movie are certainly downgrades; maybe The Super Mario Odyssey Movie is next? But you probably want to know about this movie first. Let's a-go!

Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) are now successful plumbers in the Mushroom Kingdom. During a job, the Marios find Yoshi (Donald Glover), a green dino with quite the story to tell (too bad they don't understand it). After that, they head back for Princess Peach's (Anna Taylor-Joy) birthday party, which is where the plot finds them.

The evil Bowser Jr. (Benny Safdie) wants to break Bowser Sr. (Jack Black) out of his playset prison. He also wants to build a "Boomsday Cannon" to destroy disrespectful planets, for reasons, and he abducts Princess Rosalina (Brie Larson) to power it up. One of Rosalina's adopted star kids, a Luma, asks one Princess to help another, and she accepts. Bowser Jr. gets back his old man, while the Marios & Yoshi join Peach & Toad (Keegan-Michael Key) on their mission to Jr.'s base planet. That's basically it, and it's a lot.

What else do we have? We have some sparks fly between Mario and Peach; it's not much, but they're great together. You'd almost think that Bowser will turn over a new leaf when he saves the Marios & Yoshi from prison (long story). But he snaps back to evil once Bowser Jr. gets him back; but, again, they're great together. We also get King Wart (Luis Guzman) from Super Mario Bros. 2 and his minions. They're not even here for a villain team-up. Worst of all, there's a major revelation between the Princesses which lands with little fanfare. It should have had a bit more time to breathe.

So, is there anything plot related that worked? The Marios have more screentime together, all of it fun; Luigi and Yoshi surprisingly make good pals. Yoshi's recap of his adventures since he hatched in the last film's stinger is a great gag. Some of its best battle scenes include Peach and Toad's battle in Wart's Casino planet, as well as the final battle with the Bowsers. Some of its most amusing cameos include some roboticized Minions, R.O.B. the Robot (Ed Skudder) and even the Pikmin. Standing above them, however, is Fox McCloud (Glen Powell) of Star Fox, whom Peach hires as a pilot. His cool personality, energetic origin scene, and flight prowess is enough to make one want a Star Fox movie. 

The different locales in this movie's Galaxy look great. Besides Wart's planet and The Mushroom Kingdom, we also get the Honeyhive Galaxy (three guesses to why it's called that); Tostarena (where the Marios meet Yoshi); the Gateway Galaxy (a universal hub); and Planet Bowser. Planet Bowser is home to my favorite gag, where Bowser Jr. watches Mario and Peach brave his death traps in 8-Bit form! As with the first movie, it makes great use of game power-ups, sound effects, and Koji Kondo's soundtrack into Brian Tyler's score. The plot may be too busy to make sense, but at least Illumination's technical goodness is still there.

All in all, The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is a harmless time. This is clearly made for younger filmgoers, particularly those who have kept up with newer Mario games. They'll have fun catching the references, while their savvy parents might have fun helping them with others. If they can understand the plot better than me, that's fine. I'll certainly give this another go once it hits home media, especially since my screening's projector gave out when the credits started. I'll be waiting.

GAME OVER (FOR NOW)

They Will Kill You

With a title like this, I must have found the feel-good movie of the year.

I mean, everyone likes ironic titles, don't they?

Well, Bo, if you like to see evil rich cultists get what they deserve, then They Will Kill You will make you feel good. If you're not sure if you want to see evil rich cultists punished, again and again, read this review.

Okay.

For his English-language debut, Russian director Kirill Sokolov (Why Don't You Just Die!) introduces us to Asia Reeves (Zazie Beetz), who arrives at The Virgil, a decrepit Manhattan hotel, to find work and her sister, Maria (Myha'la). Ten years earlier, Asia shot their abusive dad and went to prison, while Maria remained with him. The Virgil was Maria's last known whereabouts. The aforementioned rich cultists, led by the Irish Lilith (Patricia Arquette), welcome their new maid by trying to kill her that night.

Unfortunately for them, Asia's prison time has toughened her up, and she easily slaughters her attackers (the most notable ones are Heather Graham's Sharon & Tom Felton's Kevin). But then they pull themselves back together. The Virgil's residents are Satanists who have made a deal with His Evilness (who eventually shows up in a surprising avatar, voiced by James Remar) for immortality, just as long as they provide human sacrifices. Like Asia. Asia finds Maria, so it's now only a matter of finding an exit. How many times will she have to kill everyone before she finds it?

So, it's like if The Bride from Kill Bill got dropped into Rosemary's Baby?

Yes, that's basically it. 

I already feel great thinking about it.

Yeah, the film's outlandish violence feels cathartic for anyone shaken up by Rosemary's Baby. Watch as the cultists get hacked, slashed, blown to pieces, blown across the room, attacked with a flaming ax, and even punched out. Again, and again. It's a bit repetitive, and I kind of zoned out near the end, but its indulgent action is still worth a laugh or three. Thankfully, it's only ninety-four minutes long, so it doesn't wear out its welcome.

The immortality thankfully keeps potentially interesting villains from going to waste after one scene. However, as I said above, Sharon & Kevin are among the only interesting villains. Their childish bickering is entertaining, especially when she has to bicker with him headless. Her literal wandering eye is more memorable than most of the other cultists, including an elderly doctor and his wife, whose actors are somewhere in the credits. About the only other memorable villains include Lilith, due to her bombastic personality and questionable accent, and Damien, the little brat whom Asia punches out.

Let's talk about the good guys. You'll be impressed with Asia's determination as she shakes off many a grievous injury. Nothing will stop her from reaching Maria, which she does halfway through the movie. It's easy to empathize with the sisters once they emotionally unpack. But after all the violence, the midway twist doesn't land with the necessary force. Still, a subsequent heroic sacrifice somewhat makes it worth it. The sisters have a reliable mentor figure in Ray (Patterson Joseph), Lilith's husband and The Virgil's only good resident. He's quite compelling as he repents for his cult participation. 

The Virgil, as designed by Jeremy Reed, looks like an art-deco take on the Overlook Hotel. While Asia doesn't run into random ghosts, she runs into some nifty hallways with choice decorations. We see a few random floors which cater to certain sins, as if this was The Divine Comedy (I gotta kick myself for not recognizing the allusion to Virgil, Dante's guide in the poem). It gets claustrophobic as she, Maria, and Ray travel through vents, and the screen tightens around them, as if it was a video game. The final boss fight takes place in a spooky freezer. 

What else do we have? The outside world doesn't stop raining until the very end. That's right, a total downpour from prologue until before epilogue! I'm surprised the world didn't flood, but I digress. The soundtrack consists of a wonderfully imposing score by Carlos Rafael Rivera, and a few spunky needle-drops. Both parts are good, even if the mood whiplash is beyond noticeable.

It's not a very nuanced movie. If all you want is cartoonish ultraviolence, They Will Kill You might suit you fine. If you want something deep, read the actual The Divine Comedy. You'll be fine as long as you specify your expectations. Or you can ignore me and watch Ready or Not 2, which also just came out and also has two sisters fight rich Satanists. Either way, that's it for this month, and I'll start the next one with something more family friendly.

Project Hail Mary

Over a decade after Matt Damon scienced out of Mars, Ryan Gosling sciences the sun out of oblivion in Project Hail Mary, another film screenwriter Drew Goddard adapted from an Andy Weir novel. Let's see what I thought about Phil Lord & Chris Miller's results.

Ryland Grace (Gosling) wakes up on the spaceship Hail Mary, woozy and amnesiac. He soon realizes that he's been sent to stop the microscopic Astrophage from blotting out the sun within thirty-years. Since the Astrophage haven't touched the local star Tau Centi, the Braintrust figured out that a solution is over there. Everyone else is dead, so it's up to Grace to save the day ...

He's not alone for long. An alien spaceship shows up, and Grace makes first contact with its lone occupant, a rock-spider from the Eridani Star System, whom he names Rocky (James Ortiz). The Eridians also have an Astrophage problem, so Rocky and Grace team up to save their planets. It doesn't take long for the two of them to communicate and survive in each other's atmospheres. But one misstep could fumble it all up. 

Throughout the film, Grace’s life on Earth unfolds in flashbacks as he pieces together his mission. A big chunk of it has Grace try to convince Braintrust head Eva Stratt (Sandra Hüller) that he's the wrong man for the job ("the not in Astronaut."). His whole mystery pretty much hinges on how they got him aboard. You'll be stunned by the answer, but it takes quite a while to get there, considering that this movie is 156 minutes long. It often feels longer, especially in its forty-minutes, where we have mostly just Grace by himself. We get to know his human co-starts a bit better down the line. While the cold, yet sympathetic Stratt is easily the standout, the doomed crewmates are mostly just there.

You can probably infer that Rocky is this film’s biggest asset, and you’d be right. Sure, Gosling’s performance is fun, which makes the slowness bearable, but it’s even better with Rocky. While their first contact is treated with reverence, everything else is mostly played for laughs once he and we get to know Rocky's exuberant personality. t’s pretty refreshing with how the two of them become friends and allies. They have no time for extensive quibbles, other than slight culture shock, or even a third-act misunderstanding. I call this tone optimistically pragmatic. Their chemistry is all the more tangible due to Rocky being an on-set puppet, with little digital touch-ups. You’ll be moved when the two of them risk their lives to save the other.

Let’s talk about the technicals a bit more. With Greig Fraser as the cinematographer, we’re treated to perhaps the most stunning depiction of space since Interstellar. The first appearance of Rocky’s gigantic ship against the relatively small Hail Mary is a highlight. Its other highlight is Grace’s spacewalk above the glowing green planet Tau Ceti e (aka Adrian). The spaceship designs are pretty neat, especially with their practical sets designed by Charlie Wood. Rocky's native chirping is the most unforgettable part of the sound design, even if everyone can't stand it. Even better on the ears is the soundtrack, which consists of an epic Daniel Pemberton score and a few fun needle drops.

If only the real world was as optimistically pragmatic as Project Hail Mary. Despite its issues, its technical goodness, Gosling's performance, and delightful tone, make it worth the space odyssey. It's way better than taking in the day's usual news. You have to see it on the biggest screen you can find and make it soon. I think I said enough.

The Alabama Solution

For some reason, Google thought that I posted this review in 1969. Here is my second, more successful attempt, to post it.

 The Alabama Solution, one of this year’s nominated Documentaries, was the other Oscar contender I saw on Saturday. I’ve been way late on this review, so let’s get into it.

It started innocently enough in 2019. Directors Andrew Jarecki and Charlotte Kaufman - the former a previous nominee for Capturing the Friedmans - were invited to film a revival at Easterling Correctional Facility in Alabama. The inmates approached them with horrific stories about their living conditions. They were tragically validated when prisoner Steven Davis was beaten to death by guards led by Roderick Gadson, allegedly when he tried to shiv them. 

A few other prisoners filmed those conditions with contraband cellphones. Their footage makes up a significant chunk of this documentary. The filmmakers also chronicle the 2022 prison strike, organized by inmate activists Robert Earl Council (aka Kinetik Justice) and Melvin Ray. Outside of prison, Davis's mother Sandy seeks justice, while Gov. Kay Ivey insists Alabama can solve their prison problem itself (which leads into the title). "When's that going to be?" you'll probably ask. The obvious answer is not soon enough.

It's an intentionally infuriating, and also captivating, profile of systemic corruption. The filmmakers first learn of Steven Davis when he's brought into the ICU; he's dead by the time they get there. They interview several inmates, including Davis’s cellmate, James Sales, as the guards breathe down their necks. It’s so tense that you’ll fear the worst happening mid-interview. What makes it worse is the revelation of the guards’ absolute authority over those who step even an inch out of line. Sales himself was murdered, with the State refusing to look into it further (Natural Causes, my foot).

The inside footage gives us an invaluable perspective into the inmates' daily lives. We actually see them getting beaten, the aftermath of an overdose or two, living with vermin, and generally living in misery. Whatever crimes they've committed, which they don't sugarcoat, aren't deserving of this punishment. Early on, we learn that Alabama's 14 prisons operate at 200% capacity with about the third of required staff. We also learn that these prisons have some of the highest murder, overdose and suicide rates in the nation. It just makes the news anchors we hear mocking the inmates during the strike all the more unsympathetic.

There has been talk - serious talk - of reform after The Alabama Solution. Alabama recently started construction on some "mega-prisons;" that's a start, but it doesn't take long to realize its likeliest problems. Once you experience this film, you'll be hoping for much more than that. Just because it is no longer Oscar season doesn't mean this documentary is irrelevant. Check it out on HBOMax, and you'll be shocked to see what its filmmakers have uncovered. It's time for a new movie year...