They Will Kill You

With a title like this, I must have found the feel-good movie of the year.

I mean, everyone likes ironic titles, don't they?

Well, Bo, if you like to see evil rich cultists get what they deserve, then They Will Kill You will make you feel good. If you're not sure if you want to see evil rich cultists punished, again and again, read this review.

Okay.

For his English-language debut, Russian director Kirill Sokolov (Why Don't You Just Die!) introduces us to Asia Reeves (Zazie Beetz), who arrives at The Virgil, a decrepit Manhattan hotel, to find work and her sister, Maria (Myha'la). Ten years earlier, Asia shot their abusive dad and went to prison, while Maria remained with him. The Virgil was Maria's last known whereabouts. The aforementioned rich cultists, led by the Irish Lilith (Patricia Arquette), welcome their new maid by trying to kill her that night.

Unfortunately for them, Asia's prison time has toughened her up, and she easily slaughters her attackers (the most notable ones are Heather Graham's Sharon & Tom Felton's Kevin). But then they pull themselves back together. The Virgil's residents are Satanists who have made a deal with His Evilness (who eventually shows up in a surprising avatar, voiced by James Remar) for immortality, just as long as they provide human sacrifices. Like Asia. Asia finds Maria, so it's now only a matter of finding an exit. How many times will she have to kill everyone before she finds it?

So, it's like if The Bride from Kill Bill got dropped into Rosemary's Baby?

Yes, that's basically it. 

I already feel great thinking about it.

Yeah, the film's outlandish violence feels cathartic for anyone shaken up by Rosemary's Baby. Watch as the cultists get hacked, slashed, blown to pieces, blown across the room, attacked with a flaming ax, and even punched out. Again, and again. It's a bit repetitive, and I kind of zoned out near the end, but its indulgent action is still worth a laugh or three. Thankfully, it's only ninety-four minutes long, so it doesn't wear out its welcome.

The immortality thankfully keeps potentially interesting villains from going to waste after one scene. However, as I said above, Sharon & Kevin are among the only interesting villains. Their childish bickering is entertaining, especially when she has to bicker with him headless. Her literal wandering eye is more memorable than most of the other cultists, including an elderly doctor and his wife, whose actors are somewhere in the credits. About the only other memorable villains include Lilith, due to her bombastic personality and questionable accent, and Damien, the little brat whom Asia punches out.

Let's talk about the good guys. You'll be impressed with Asia's determination as she shakes off many a grievous injury. Nothing will stop her from reaching Maria, which she does halfway through the movie. It's easy to empathize with the sisters once they emotionally unpack. But after all the violence, the midway twist doesn't land with the necessary force. Still, a subsequent heroic sacrifice somewhat makes it worth it. The sisters have a reliable mentor figure in Ray (Patterson Joseph), Lilith's husband and The Virgil's only good resident. He's quite compelling as he repents for his cult participation. 

The Virgil, as designed by Jeremy Reed, looks like an art-deco take on the Overlook Hotel. While Asia doesn't run into random ghosts, she runs into some nifty hallways with choice decorations. We see a few random floors which cater to certain sins, as if this was The Divine Comedy (I gotta kick myself for not recognizing the allusion to Virgil, Dante's guide in the poem). It gets claustrophobic as she, Maria, and Ray travel through vents, and the screen tightens around them, as if it was a video game. The final boss fight takes place in a spooky freezer. 

What else do we have? The outside world doesn't stop raining until the very end. That's right, a total downpour from prologue until before epilogue! I'm surprised the world didn't flood, but I digress. The soundtrack consists of a wonderfully imposing score by Carlos Rafael Rivera, and a few spunky needle-drops. Both parts are good, even if the mood whiplash is beyond noticeable.

It's not a very nuanced movie. If all you want is cartoonish ultraviolence, They Will Kill You might suit you fine. If you want something deep, read the actual The Divine Comedy. You'll be fine as long as you specify your expectations. Or you can ignore me and watch Ready or Not 2, which also just came out and also has two sisters fight rich Satanists. Either way, that's it for this month, and I'll start the next one with something more family friendly.