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This is the blog where I talk about the latest movies I've seen. These are my two Schnauzers, Rufus (left) and Marley (right, RIP). As of now, the Double Hollywood Strikes are officially over. May the next strikes not last as long as these ones did.

Sunday, May 26, 2024

Hundreds of Beavers

Meet Jean Kayak.

(Hi Jean!)

It's the 19th century, and Jean is the best Applejack maker in the entire Great Lakes area. But pesky beavers chew through his brewing silos, one of which rolls into his house. When he wakes up, it's wintertime, and our "hero" is hungry but determined. He's not that good at hunting, to say the least. He finds civilization in the form of a merchant and his furrier daughter. Jean decides to win the daughter's hand in marriage, but the merchant won't let him unless he brings him ...

HUNDREDS OF BEAVERS!

And there's your movie. 

It actually takes over an hour before we get to the title card. What else can you expect?

This is a live-action semi-silent cartoon rather than something like The Revenant. To start with, the beavers and most of the wildlife are played by actors in mascot suits. So, when the furrier (Olivia Graves) skins one of Jean’s (co-writer Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) catches, she’s actually going through an empty costume with x-ed out eyes and obviously fake insides. It's utterly pointless to complain about things like "obvious CGI" with that aesthetic. Throughout the film, Jean is also hampered by the wind (which is seemingly alive and intent on snuffing his campfire!), a woodpecker, raccoons that eat his rabbits, wolves and even Holmes & Watson in beaver form. It rarely misses an opportunity for a good gag; a climactic sled chase is filmed like the bike chase in Return of the Jedi. Still, some of these gags - like Jean imagining the wildlife as pretzels, pizza and ice cream - go on a bit too long and the resulting 108 minutes seems excessive. 

Why the semi-silent earlier? Well, Jean and the cast vocalize mainly with grunts; you can count on one-hand the clear sentences they speak. But I think we learn a lot about them. Jean is an idiot hero, and as its anthropomorphized cast emphasizes, hero is debatable. As the film's beaver counter ends with Jean accumulating three-hundred and counting, he seems poised to go for a million. It's still fun to see him get into slapstick, but not when he vocalizes with piercing screams (be prepared to adjust the volume). As for the other humans, the furrier and merchant (Doug Mancheski) are fine, while the Master Trapper (Wes Tank) and wise Native American (Luis Rico) are more likable than Jean. The Native American is easily sympathetic when he loses his horse to a Beaver Megazord (yes, really).

What else can I say about it? The black-and-white cinematography by Quinn Hester and the minimalist sets built by Ryland’s dad Wayne intensify Jean’s trial for beaver murder. All those beavers looming over Jean in that pitch-black courtroom are a memorable sight. Jean escapes a post-trial death trap with goofy logic and fights off his captors with a few good gags. His earlier chase through the beavers’ giant sawmill is a fun Video Game inspired sequence. Its slight overlength is compensated by a nifty score from Chris Ryan. I have to leave stuff out or I'd be here forever.

Instead, watch Hundreds of Beavers wherever movies are streaming. Director/cowriter/editor Mike Cheslik's brand of blatant unrealism has resulted in a unique motion picture. Its aesthetics are admirable even if its protagonist maybe anything but that. It's still worth a watch or two just to see the madness for yourself. Again, I'm leaving stuff out, so you'll have to see it for yourself. You'll be amazed when you do.

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