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This is the blog where I talk about the latest movies I've seen. These are my two Schnauzers, Rufus (left) and Marley (right, RIP). As of now, the Double Hollywood Strikes are officially over. May the next strikes not last as long as these ones did.

Friday, August 12, 2022

Bullet Train

What if Arthur Hailey wrote an action comedy?

I don't mean unintentional ones like Airport '79, but an intentional one. It might look like Bullet Train, based on Kotaro Isaka's novel Maria Beetle. You might not think of Hailey, but I did. Let's try to understand why.

Ladybug (Brad Pitt) is an assassin with extremely bad luck. He's called out of retirement by his handler, Maria, for an assignment in Tokyo. He has to steal a briefcase holding $10 million on a bullet train and get off. It sounds simple, except that several other hired killers are aboard. None of them want Ladybug off the train.

The briefcase is held by "twins" Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) and Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), who are escorting the loser son (Logan Lerman) of the infamous crime boss The White Death.  The Wolf (Bad Bunny) blames Ladybug for fatally ruining his wedding. Someone kills the loser, while an extremely deadly boomslang snake gets loose. All the while, a conniving schoolgirl named The Prince (Joey King) manipulates Yuichi Kimura (Andrew Koji) to kill The White Death. It's a bad day for Ladybug.

Normality goes off the rails in this violent farce. But you can still understand what's going. In fact, you'll be on edge as the lunacy unfolds. Who killed the loser? Who had the snake? Who killed the Wolf's wife and friends? A few flashbacks answer these and other questions. A notable one concerns a water bottle that proves essential for the climax.

Kimura's storyline drives much of the plot. We're on his side as The Prince ropes him into her plot. We're on his side as she holds his comatose son's life in her hands. We're on his side as she turns the other killers on him. It's quite cathartic to see his father (Hiroyuki Sanada) come to the rescue. And how. All the madness around him barely overshadows his compelling storyline. 

Meanwhile, Pitt is quite likable as the world's "unluckiest" man. We empathize with him as his attempts to deal with things peacefully are constantly thwarted. He still steps up to the plate when needed, so he's no mere pinball protagonist. His fellow killers are mostly likable eccentrics. Lemon views the world through Thomas the Tank Engine, Tangerine tries to keep his cool, while The Wolf and The Hornet (Zazie Beetz) are even unluckier than Ladybug. The Prince's surprise motivation is dwarfed by her prior scheming. The biggest surprise is realizing who played The White Death only after I finished the film.

There's some good production design for nightlife Japan and the bullet train itself. It's especially astounding to know that only three sets were used for the train. You'll especially remember the neon-colored anime themed car and its cutesy mascot. The action is equally exciting and silly. The soundtrack includes an intense score by Dominic Lewis and a few Japanese covers of some famous tunes.

Should you board this Bullet Train? Yeah. It's an intensely silly ride full of legitimate tension. The villains are fine, while the anti-heroes are a fun bunch. The finale is a perfect climax to this crazy train. Anyone wanting a mindful film should wait a little longer at this station. Everyone else should hop on board now. It won't be there forever.

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