Conan the Barbarian

Still remembered after 80 some years, Conan the Barbarian is the star of one of three 3D films coming out this weekend. Yeah, Conan; here's a guy who's also been called Conqueror, Destroyer and Philanderer.

Wait, no to the last one.

Conan (Jason Mamoa) has a simple name and a simple quest. Years earlier, his fellow villagers, including his father Corin (Ron Perlman) were slaughtered by the evil Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) and his minions. Zym has a magic mask that lets its wearer use supreme dark magic, but only if it's given "pure blood." Naturally, Zym wants to use the mask to conquer the world. Meanwhile, our barbarian hero wants his father's stolen sword and the chance to use it on Zym. And he gets a love interest, Tamara (Rachel Nichols), the very pure blood sought by Zym.

Sounds confusing, no? Maybe if Morgan Freeman were here to narrate. Oh wait, guess who is the narrator here?

This Conan certainly excels in the art of creative dismemberments 101. Melted by molten iron, bashed against a rock, getting a nose sliced off...you get the picture. What it fails in is making its hero anymore than a growling barbarian stereotype. So much so that his victory was more "meh" than "yeah!" A few scenes between him and Tamara were humorous, but few. A few times throughout, I wondered if this should've been a parody.

But Conan gets some points for its work behind the scenes. The most awards notice, if it gets some at all, should be for its makeup work on Rose McGowan. As Zym's evil daughter Marique, she was completely unrecognizable and so distinctive. Another few points go to the sound mixers for making the battles quite complex. And the last few points go to the interesting costume and set designs.

It may have been a "meh," but it was less of a "meh" than The Expendables from last summer. For those who don't like blood, stay away. For those who do, this'll do nicely. It could've been worst, could've been better, but it's still watchable.